Hurting from the unknown

[Safeasmilk]

Hi everyone,

My name is Ben and this is my first post. I'm looking for some advice/support.

I had met someone a couple of years back and we have been staying in contact via Skype. I'm not quite sure how I'd label our relationship but I have strong feelings for her but unfortunately our distance makes it hard for anything to develop at the moment. Therefore I use exercise and working towards buying my first house as a way to keep my mind focused and to not delve into living in a fantasy world. A few weeks ago I lost complete contact with her and not sure if she has deleted me or there is a technical issue with Skype (as I have read that this has happened before) I have tried to get in contact with her but to no avail. I don't want to come across as needy or being a nuisance but the unknown thoughts are hurting me deeply as I am so confused and scared I may never have contact with her again.

Just for some background on me I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and panic a lot when things are not working. At the moment I don't feel like doing anything other then crawling up and laying in bed or turning to alcohol to help me be happy and not worry so much. I hope this isn't stupid but I do care for this person very much and it feels like this situation has taken over my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Ben

[Safeasmilk]

Hi Anony,

I have friends to hang out with but we generally only can make time on weekends. There are some activities I can do but at the moment I just feel so shattered to do anything and my mind just keeps re-living memories.

I appreciate your reply. Thanks

Ben

[Anony18]

Hi Ben

How are things today?

Anony

[Safeasmilk]

Hi Anony,

Thanks for your concern. Still really hurts, losing a friend I really cared for. I've tried hard to keep my mind busy and listen to a few podcast that can bring a smile to my face. Unfortunately there is a lot of time at work for me to start thinking this, but try to battle through. At least now I know the only way is forward as there is no point in going back or hanging in limbo as I had been.

Thanks

Ben

[Anony18]

Hi Ben

It definitely hurts losing someone you really cared for. The most important thing is to try keep yourself occupied. I know how tough it can be at times - today that is what is happening to me. It is a bit of a tougher day for me emotionally. Keep listening to your podcasts which bring a smile to your face.

Have you made plans with your friends this weekend?

Anony

[Safeasmilk]

I'll be able to keep fairly busy throughout the weekend I hope.

I hope things pick up for you. Feel free to keep updated on how you are going. This is such a great community of people on here full of support.

[Anony18]

That is really good to hear!

I do keep fairly busy but today my thoughts make it a bit hard to concentrate much - hence on this forum a bit more frequently. Been a week since I have heard from my partner (after the slight frustration he expressed) so it is the unknown of whether we are still together and if he still wants me around for support as he goes through this rough time. I have tried giving him the space to fix himself so am hoping that he firstly doesn't think I abandoned him and secondly he will reach out soon. Will be texting him tomorrow as it is his birthday and let him know that am still around so think tomorrow may be a tougher day for me - unless he responds!

Definitely agree this is a good place for support! Just today is a bit of a rougher day I am experiencing.

[Safeasmilk]

I hope it goes well for you. The unknown can be very stressful with the mind racing.

Please keep me updated on how things go.

Ben

[Anony18]

Hi Ben

So I sent him a birthday message and he responded with a Thank you which is such a relief! Still have this slightly anxious feeling lingering though. Think it is the worry for him and his situation but I just have to wait til he talks to me so I can see what been happening.

Anony

[Safeasmilk]

Hi Anony,

Im glad you have been given some relief. I know how tiring it can be being anxious all the time but at the same time can't relax. Feel free to keep my updated on how things are going.

Thanks

Ben

[Anony18]

Hi Ben

How are you going? Got anything exciting planned this weekend?

Anony