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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Internal_Sadness Accept, moving on but keeping options open ...
  • replies: 3

I always tell myself I will just forget the bad stuff from females in my life relationship wise, move on and things will improve and just continue to being a nice guys and eventually the right lady will come along. Is it a bad or ok thing if I leave ... View more

I always tell myself I will just forget the bad stuff from females in my life relationship wise, move on and things will improve and just continue to being a nice guys and eventually the right lady will come along. Is it a bad or ok thing if I leave my options open incase those certain ladies in the past change their mind and contact me? or should I shut the door on that forever? Thing is, I will never know I am wasting my time or not moving on BUT allowing them to contact me if they want to in the future. So question is, to allow them to contact me in the future and I move on with life in the mean time? YES or NO? And why or why not? Advice would be wonderful.

Jules73 Cant stop thinking about it
  • replies: 7

So my husband had been messaging this girl and I just happen to read the messages and there was nothing to much going on just one comment that sticks into my head that I cant get out (called her his football team girl)cant really go say what the firs... View more

So my husband had been messaging this girl and I just happen to read the messages and there was nothing to much going on just one comment that sticks into my head that I cant get out (called her his football team girl)cant really go say what the first word was otherwise you will all know where I live, but it hurt to say the least,We have been together for 20 years he says there is nothing in it and I believe him and he has never done anything in the 20 years that we have been together that suggest he would cheat, But the communication he had with this girl is hurting me so much confiding in her cant get it out of my head, I cant sleep I cant eat I feel depressed all the time I keep thinking about it constantly he has know contact with her now as I spoke to him how I feel and he tells me I am being ridiculous and they are just friends and he enjoyed her friendship I sent her a message saying to stay away from him don't call or talk to him which she has done she assured me there was nothing going on that they were just friends but still I cant get it out of my head its driving me crazy I think about it night and day and I don't know what to do

Struggler Parents Of Adult Children, Did Any Of You Cut Your Grown Up Children Out Of Your Will?
  • replies: 17

I am contemplating just that, removing my younger child from my will. This is not just a fleeting thought. It has been on my mind for years. I think this will also help reduce sadness I feel everyday. I'd like to hear from parents who experience the ... View more

I am contemplating just that, removing my younger child from my will. This is not just a fleeting thought. It has been on my mind for years. I think this will also help reduce sadness I feel everyday. I'd like to hear from parents who experience the same. Struggler

Beeva My adult daughter has cut me out of her life
  • replies: 2

Over the past years my daughter has chosen to disastance herself from me. This has been a gradual. If I call her she is polite but aloud . She never calls me. On her 50th birthday there was a " family" get together. I was not invited. I had no knowle... View more

Over the past years my daughter has chosen to disastance herself from me. This has been a gradual. If I call her she is polite but aloud . She never calls me. On her 50th birthday there was a " family" get together. I was not invited. I had no knowledge of the event until my granddaughter ( my sons daughter) rang to ask if I was attending. She avoids family get together so at Xmas even though I have invited her numerous times. When I asked her what the matter is and why she has decided to disassociate herself and her family from me her response was "don't go there, I'm dealing with it". We have really never been close but I truly cannot see what I have done to deserve the way she now treats me. I feel that she is punishing me! Occasions such as birthdays, never a card or a visit, usually just a text message. It damages me greatly and I try to live my life as positively as I can but it sends me into a deep hole each time there is a birthday or celebration. How best can I deal with this . Friends say just "get on with your life" but it's always there hurting.

Tuppeny Newbie
  • replies: 1

Hi, My husband has mild cognitive impairment which is getting worse so the dreaded dementia is looming. Most days I am okay but there are some where I feel really sad also angry and frustrated. He served in Vietnam and was a heavy drinker for years a... View more

Hi, My husband has mild cognitive impairment which is getting worse so the dreaded dementia is looming. Most days I am okay but there are some where I feel really sad also angry and frustrated. He served in Vietnam and was a heavy drinker for years after and life has been hard but I kept our family together. He stopped drinking some years ago and just when life was starting to feel good his memory began to fail him. My two children are grown up now and have families of their own. I feel sad, angry and frustrated some days as I feel that I have been robbed of any sort of happy life. Were it not for my children and their partners I would have cashed it in long ago. Most days I feel strong and say to myself that I am a survivor but there's always that odd day when sadness overcomes me and I wish things were different. No way would I end my life and leave my beautiful children to have to deal with their father. They have suffered enough from his abusive drunken behaviour. So why didn't I leave him years ago I hear you say. Because I have always thought that Service in Vietnam created this problem not him

wanted_a_simple_life I feel guilty for moving on
  • replies: 7

My wife left me over six months ago and moved away with my children. I have fought to get her back and tried so hard with no success. I have now met someone and I actually like her, alot. She is stunning inside and out and we have connected at an emo... View more

My wife left me over six months ago and moved away with my children. I have fought to get her back and tried so hard with no success. I have now met someone and I actually like her, alot. She is stunning inside and out and we have connected at an emotional level and talked about our pasts. Even though things are great, I cant help to think guilty for moving on in my mind cause since I have met her, I havent had the desire to be with my ex wife. Im mainly guilty when I think about my kids and how I have given up on giving them the upbringing I had. I never imagined they would grow up in a broken family, but I have no choice in the matter. My ex wife has made this choice.....Am I being silly for thinking this way??

Kree Boyfriend cheated - I can't forgive
  • replies: 9

I'm 40, I left my emotionally abusive husband of 17yrs for a long-distant relationship. Two years on, he became cold, distant and I noticed some very constant bantering between him and a woman on FB. I confronted him about it when he visited me in Ap... View more

I'm 40, I left my emotionally abusive husband of 17yrs for a long-distant relationship. Two years on, he became cold, distant and I noticed some very constant bantering between him and a woman on FB. I confronted him about it when he visited me in April, and he assured me there was no interest on his end. I figured I was just going through depression and anxiety again and I needed to go back on my meds with the horrible side effects but the panic and suspicion never left. When I went to visit him in July, I needed to use his computer and I found videos he'd made for her during the time he was cold toward me. I confronted him and he assured me he ended it mid-March, had not actually sent the videos (I call BS, but that's for him to feel guilty about) that it was an ego boost and he'd been angry about something I said and had refused to discuss it. He appeared to be genuinely sorry for his indiscretion, and as he'd been back to his normal self for a while I figured he had ended it. We exhausted our discussion and made love and immediately he gets a text from her asking if he'd killed their private fb group! He told me he had unfriended her, but he kept a naughty group just for them going? And still texting her? I have since had major trust issues and he has, to his credit, been accepting my verbal beatings and constantly bringing up how hurt I am. Recently, I joined Twitter and found him there. A lot of the people he's following are gorgeous women who's profile pics are them with bikini or less and he commented just a few days ago on one of them who posted a selfie. I went off the handle (figured I don't need meds because I was right about him cheating after all - it wasn't in my head). I can't handle his perving. I have severe body dysmorphia and obsessive compulsive personality disorder with my anxiety and depression. A little discretion would have been appreciated so I stop thinking I'm the equivalent of a microwave dinner, rather than the fillet mignon he saw at a restaurant. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again because I never forgive; but I can't seem to end it. We do have many really great memories and I WANT to go back to that serotonin high I had last year and the year before while I felt like the only woman in his mind. Now I feel like I'm just the woman who is ugly enough for a shy guy to feel comfortable talking to while he's thinking of someone else. Has anyone else with these sorts of problems been able to truly forgive?

bluefinch My Story
  • replies: 1

Hello, First of all I must thank people for sharing their stories. My lowest points have been made less severe by hearing the honest stories of others and of course the generous replies of many. Around this time last year I began dating a woman I met... View more

Hello, First of all I must thank people for sharing their stories. My lowest points have been made less severe by hearing the honest stories of others and of course the generous replies of many. Around this time last year I began dating a woman I met online. She was everything I could have asked for (a nurse, closet nerd, bookworm); I would say I was instantly besotted. I was knowledgeable enough to know not to reveal this of course, I didn't want to scare her. Over the next month I tried to do everything right, not over the top, not distant. After a bush walk, picnic and dinner date I felt things were going well. I'd researched everything online from conversation topics to how to go about dating. About 8 weeks in she ended things, I didn't get a real reason, just that she was reluctant to go further. My first semi relationship, kiss, a real chance, was all over. There began a few months of near catatonic living. I couldn't help but re-live in my head every last comment\moment. December came, as did a new psychologist, and medication I'd had once before. By February, I was off medication and no longer seeing my psych. I bought a house in hopes of distract myself, but I've been struggling to shake off the negativity of depression since. I've been through depression on and off since I was 17. Each time it was brought on by an infatuation with a woman and subsequent improvement. My psychologist mentioned that I was likely on the autistic spectrum, which makes all so much sense considering my past. The reason why I'm writing this now is because I think I saw that woman in passing at a local supermarket a few hours ago. I was curled up in a ball on the floor at home for at least half an hour when i got home. (I'm ok, sitting at computer, had some food) I recognize that this is not a normal response. I've got every intention of going to work tomorrow (I'm a teacher), of taking as good care of myself as I can. Though this is all so much struggle. As a 30 year old man, with few friends, and no one to tell this to I feel I have failed. As the cherry on top, I'm convinced she ended things with me due to her suspicion that I struggled with depression. Something she didn't want in a relationship. I wish I were average, I wish I didn't feel things so strongly. Kindly, finch

Cherpieus Paranoia or real worry?
  • replies: 3

I have suffered depression for almost 20 years and have had 4 major depressive periods in those years. I am in one at the moment. I am on AD's but they are not working and I'm waiting to get in to see a Psychiatrist. I need some advice because I don'... View more

I have suffered depression for almost 20 years and have had 4 major depressive periods in those years. I am in one at the moment. I am on AD's but they are not working and I'm waiting to get in to see a Psychiatrist. I need some advice because I don't trust my own thoughts and feelings. I'm 41 and have been married to my second husband for four years. Between us we have four children. Mine are 15 year old twins and they live with us half time. He has a 23 year old daughter who has a 3year old girl - they don't live with us. His son is has just turned 20 and is married - they both live with us full time. My husband has been married twice before. The first was for 18 years. The second he puts down as a mistake and was only married for one year. During the course of our relationship I have always worried about him wanting other women (including his ex wives) and vice versa. He is Irish, quite flirtacious and can be very charming. Previously when I have communicated by concerns/feelings with him he has gotten angry and accused me of being unreasonably jealous. Recently I found a personal message he sent to his ex wife (the one he was married to for a short time) on facebook. He is not friends of hers on Facebook and I get the feeling she may have blocked him but he has tried to send her a message. The message contained some lies about his life now and doesn't mention he is married again. It also states his email address and offers a place for her and her family to stay if they are ever in Sydney. She lives in America. I feel upset that he has tried to contact her but I'm reluctant to say anything to him in case he gets angry and accuses me of being jealous and brings up the other times I've been jealous of other women. As I said I don't trust my feelings or reactions. I don't know if I'm being paranoid and unreasonably upset and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Clarity1964 He's depressed, I'm depressed, we're depressed
  • replies: 2

I am so lost at the moment. I have recently been diagnosed with, and medicated for depression. I am busy, we are all busy, I really need to find a counsellor but Dr Bulk Bill was none too interested in that. I cry a lot still, but the gnawing and chu... View more

I am so lost at the moment. I have recently been diagnosed with, and medicated for depression. I am busy, we are all busy, I really need to find a counsellor but Dr Bulk Bill was none too interested in that. I cry a lot still, but the gnawing and churning of angst has settled. I work, I run a house with an active 12yo and 16yo and everyone thinks I've got it all together. Except my husband. We've only been married since April. He has chronic pain caused from an episode of shingles not caught soon enough and resulting in post hepetic nueralgia - like a tooth ache in your ribs, 24/7. So painful a shirt hurts some days. He is only high doses of nerve pain medication. He too has recently been diagnosed with depression and is having lots of suicidal thoughts. He is going back to his doctor again this week for a change of anti-d and referral to a psychologist for some cbt for his pain and also to address the depression. His situation is far worse than mine. He has just shut down. We have little emotional intimacy. We used to talk and talk and talk for hours. Now we can be completely silent for hours. If I cry he doesn't notice. If I do all the chores he doesn't notice. If I dress for him he doesn't notice. I am so lonely and have lost my best friend, lover and husband. I have gently tried talking about some of this, but he just is in a world of his own. We both work longish hours and I know it helps him to be able to exercise too but I do all the shopping, cooking, washing and cleaning and am overwhelmed. I don't know how to help him or help myself. I fear for our marriage.