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another person is relying on me to make them happy

Community Member

My ex boyfriend keeps emailing me telling me that I'm the only one that understands him and that he is depressed with no one to talk to.

I do not want any contact with him due to personal reasons regarding our break up, but he is acting like I am the only thing that can help him and I do not want that burden. I feel as if he is using it as an excuse to get me back into his life. He has done it before many times and it is mentally and physically draining. I have suggested psychologists but he doesn't want to see one.


What should I do?

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello concerned, I have been in this situation and unfortunately you have to be firm and say that you're sorry he feels that way, but that you are not able to provide him the support he is after, as you are separated and no longer have a relationship together. This is something he is going to have to learn to accept. It is simply isn't true that you are the only person in the world that can understand him.  Suggest he calls bb if he wont' see a psychologist. The help options are there for him, he has the choice of whether to take them or not, and this is not your responsibiltiy.

Community Member

Hi concerned_friend.  Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do.  Because you've always been there, he simply hasn't tried to contact anybody else.  Once he realizes you have made the break - and mean it, he may search for some other emotional crutch.  While he knows you feel sorry for him (quite natural) he'll use this to 'get to you'.  Unfortunately, you're going to have to be incommunicado permanently.  He is depressed, but you can't solve his problems if you want to get on with your own life.  JessF is right, he is no longer your responsibility.  He has to take responsibility for his own life.  I would suggest, next time he rings/emails, be firm, suggest other options to him.   I wouldn't email back, if he rings, as I said, be firm. 

Hopefully Jess and I have given you some ideas how to handle this situation.  Don't let him bring you down.  He is a grown man.