Hurting from the unknown
My name is Ben and this is my first post. I'm looking for some advice/support.
I had met someone a couple of years back and we have been staying in contact via Skype. I'm not quite sure how I'd label our relationship but I have strong feelings for her but unfortunately our distance makes it hard for anything to develop at the moment. Therefore I use exercise and working towards buying my first house as a way to keep my mind focused and to not delve into living in a fantasy world. A few weeks ago I lost complete contact with her and not sure if she has deleted me or there is a technical issue with Skype (as I have read that this has happened before) I have tried to get in contact with her but to no avail. I don't want to come across as needy or being a nuisance but the unknown thoughts are hurting me deeply as I am so confused and scared I may never have contact with her again.
Just for some background on me I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and panic a lot when things are not working. At the moment I don't feel like doing anything other then crawling up and laying in bed or turning to alcohol to help me be happy and not worry so much. I hope this isn't stupid but I do care for this person very much and it feels like this situation has taken over my life.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
It's great you are keeping busy and good luck with the dance concert.
Each day is getting better, although at times I feel lonely. My work days are generally pretty busy, and if not I can listen to a podcast or have a chat with co-workers. I have gotten into running, which helps take me mind off things.
I spend most of my weekend relaxing or with friends but trying to juggle going out and saving money which can be a bit tricky.
Thanks for staying in touch.
I haven't really been the best to be honest. Things with my partner been tough of late cause of his depression and it makes it tough to talk at times as it gets him anxious. Plus I see him only every 2-3 weeks now. It is all rather complex cause he appears make a claim as if he wants break up with me but then doesn't do it. Unsure if he is trying make me do it cause maybe he wants me around yet doesn't want to be unfair to me given he feels I deserve someone better and that can give me more attention. Thing I know is that other than his psych, I am the only person who appears to know how depressed is he and how he wants to possibly go travelling for a while. I told him if travelling is going to do him good - go for it!
So lots going in my head and for the moment taking each step by step. Hopefully it is just the tiredness and frustration and we settle things positively. Hopefully he realises that I know what am in for and am here for support if he wants me around.
Trying to keep a positive mind though of late is a bit tough 😃