How to move on

[AR15]

Hi, 

my husband recently blindsided me with wanting a divorce. After begging him to give us time, he agreed but he ended up sticking to leaving. it wasn’t until much later that I realised someone who is already out the door wouldn’t change thier mind to stay and fight for you. 

Within the last couple of months, I found out a lot of things about our relationship - it was  shocking, sad, wrong and much more.

he was and still is struggling with mental health, and unknown to me I was the reason behind how he got there.
 
I guess i am struggling, angry going through grief. He left and I feel like something was also stolen from me because he never gave me a choice or chance to fully understand what was happening and to fix it. Both my kids are now having to understand why their dad left. 

anyone else going through something similar and can help me understand how to move on 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I'd like to welcome you here to the forum, I'm very glad you came as I suspect you are laboring under a misapprehension that is making matters worse.

I get the feeling you believe you caused your ex's mental illness. That simply is not the  case. Nobody in an ordinary relationship causes another to become mental ill. It is just that, an illness 

You could take it another way, he left because he thought it was better for you, which is how I felt when I was in deep depression, however there were many other signs and you would most probably have noticed.

So there is no real answer, he held you in enough regard to hang on for a little while rather than leaving you straight away, however he himself might not be able to explain it.

Certainly not a straightforward problem you could have 'fixed'. Sometimes love is all you can offer and it misses the mark.

It is incredibly sad for all however while it is natural human nature to look for reasons that often does not work, and one simply has to accept it happened. We only have so much say in what happens in our lives.

Telling your children is going to be very hard, and sometime children blame themselves, something to ensure does not happen, even if it means councelling 

Do you have anyone, family or friend perhaps, you can lean on at the moment? All they have to do is listen and care, though some may be there for practical problems you might face. 

I'd suggest that Grierfline may be of some use and comfort to you

You are welcome here anytime

Croix

[ViolettaZ]

Hi Guest_71233198,

Thank you so much for opening up. What you’re describing sounds shocking and distressing, and it makes complete sense that you’re grieving and struggling to process everything that has happened.

I agree with Croix that GriefLine might be a helpful support during this time. As an additional thought, I’m not sure how your children are currently understanding or making sense of why their dad left. Supporting children through this kind of change can be really challenging, and you don’t have to figure it out alone. It might be helpful to talk with a school counselor or social worker about how to explain their father’s absence in a way that’s honest, age-appropriate, and emotionally safe for them. They can also support your children directly if they’re experiencing confusion, sadness, or worry.

Take care, and please remember you’re not alone:)

Warm regards,
ViolettaZ