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How to move on from infidelity

Bridge678
Community Member
Hi guys, first time poster. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas to help me out. My partner of 20 year recently cheated on me, I caught them out, the major cheating happened once and the texting calls over a week. I’ve been begged and pleaded at to stay. Our marriage was a bit crap prior and we’ve since discussed all the stuff that led to it getting to that point. The part I’m struggling with is I’m not a forgiving person and I’m just losing it everyday, it’s been a week since I found out but I still feel as angry as day one. How do you trust again? How do you move forward?
22 Replies 22

That Other Guy
Community Member
hi there. So, my situation is complicated but at the core, I feel I was cheated on, too . Our marriage had been bad for a year, she was talking about leaving.

There are two things here. First, is there enough here for you to want to stay. This is a make or break moment and the power is all yours. If it's been bad anyhow, and you don't think it's worth saving, then the answer is simple

Now, if there IS something there you want to save then you and your partner need to commit to making this work. Step one, he needs NO contact with the third person. This was something I had to insist on. Second step, i refused to stay unless it was agreed that marriage counselling occur, and I have used that as a platform to get a third person to mediate things I wanted dealt with and discussed. Finally, if you do stay together, he needs to understand you have a tough emotional journey and it's not just all good, you will feel rejection, betrayal and hurt and will take time to work through those things. Everything i've read says that it's tough for both partners, but honestly, I think the cheater bought it on themselves. The main focus here is, he needs to understand what he did and show he is willing to work to win back your trust. How far that can go is up to you, for me, I think my marriage ended because she destroyed it, but we love each other and I am happy for us to work on staying together. I guess one other thing is, we probably disagree on what happened and that's OK, there are things we don't discuss because I know we disagree and I focus on moving forward.

That's really awesome. I feel pretty sure you can get free counselling from relationships Australia, I suggest reaching out to them. Couples counselling was a huge help to my wife and I after what we went through.

Hi

I'm really delighted you've made significant progress.

In your case I think you've made a wise and loving decision and he, well he's proved his love.

Nothing else matters.

TonyWK