hi there. So, my situation is complicated but at the core, I feel I was cheated on, too . Our marriage had been bad for a year, she was talking about leaving.
There are two things here. First, is there enough here for you to want to stay. This is a make or break moment and the power is all yours. If it's been bad anyhow, and you don't think it's worth saving, then the answer is simple
Now, if there IS something there you want to save then you and your partner need to commit to making this work. Step one, he needs NO contact with the third person. This was something I had to insist on. Second step, i refused to stay unless it was agreed that marriage counselling occur, and I have used that as a platform to get a third person to mediate things I wanted dealt with and discussed. Finally, if you do stay together, he needs to understand you have a tough emotional journey and it's not just all good, you will feel rejection, betrayal and hurt and will take time to work through those things. Everything i've read says that it's tough for both partners, but honestly, I think the cheater bought it on themselves. The main focus here is, he needs to understand what he did and show he is willing to work to win back your trust. How far that can go is up to you, for me, I think my marriage ended because she destroyed it, but we love each other and I am happy for us to work on staying together. I guess one other thing is, we probably disagree on what happened and that's OK, there are things we don't discuss because I know we disagree and I focus on moving forward.
