Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out because I feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, and I don’t know how to cope. I’m 22F and I was with my partner (23M) for almost five years.
Over the past few months, he became very close with a female coworker. At first I tried to be understanding, because I don’t believe men and women can’t be friends. But their friendship started involving frequent one-on-one time outside of work, coffees, dinners, long walks, drinks, and late nights.
What hurt the most was the lack of honesty and boundaries. There were nights where he told me he was just having a few drinks after work, but then I wouldn’t hear from him for hours. Twice, he ended up staying at her house overnight. The second time, he lied and told me he was staying on another coworker’s couch, which I later found out wasn’t true. These experiences damaged my trust deeply and left me constantly on edge.
He repeatedly assured me she was “just a friend” and that nothing was going on, but the secrecy and emotional closeness made me feel uncomfortable. Even coworkers noticed how close they were and made comments or assumptions, which upset me further because it confirmed the situation looked inappropriate to others as well.
I also noticed a difference in effort for example, he went to a café with her that I’d been asking to go to with him for months. I never really got the chance to meet her properly, and it often felt like I was being treated as the problem for feeling hurt.
Recently, after many emotional conversations, our relationship ended. He is moving out, and I’m struggling with the grief and shock of losing someone who was my person for so long. I feel devastated, angry, and confused, like I was losing him emotionally long before it was officially over.
I wasn’t trying to accuse him of physical cheating, but it felt like an emotional betrayal. How do I stop myself from spiraling? I would really appreciate any advice or perspective, because I keep wondering if I overreacted or if this really was inappropriate.
