Confused and looking for advice

[TiredTay]

Hi,

Im looking for some advice for a relationship I’m currently in as I’ve been too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone in my circle. I’m a (40F) dating a (33M) which has been the biggest age gap in my dating history. We’ve had some ups and downs but for the most part been very happy. I’m also a single mum and my eldest child is a 19 yr old female. Anyway my partner and I have been dating for 5 years now and just recently during sex he started saying my daughter’s name. At first I doubted myself and kept thinking maybe I was imagining it but it continued to happen. I know this is a huge red flag and I’ve been feeling absolutely traumatised by it I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, I have no idea how common it may be and whether or not I should confront him or just leave 

[M-aggie]

Hi TiredTay, 

I will say upfront that I have no experience in your situation, however, I just wanted to say that this is definitely a red flag and you should talk to your daughter as this may be an indication of SA. I really hope this isn't the case but I would make sure your daughter is safe first. 

[TiredTay]

Thanks for the reply, I guess I’ve felt too embarrassed to talk to her about this either but you’re right. I’ve been tossing up whether or not to confront him before leaving but really worried he’ll gaslight me and act like I’m crazy. I’d really like to be able to get some sort of clarity or closure but have to accept that it’s not going to happen and I’m better off just closing this chapter of our lives 

[Alikiwi]

Well as a mere male, I see this as a huge red flag also, and the above advice stands. Put your daughter and yourself first and reach out for support whenever you feel the need.

[TiredTay]

Good to get a male perspective also ty for this 

[TiredTay]

Well I cut ties with him and he didn’t even bother asking why so I guess that’s all the clarity I needed. I’ve spoken to my daughter and all okay on that front 

[Alikiwi]

Glad to hear it, you're clearly better off without him. There are far better people out there but for now look after yourself.