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here goes nothing

sigh_bella
Community Member

i just found out my nana wanted me to be an abortion.

5 Replies 5

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi sigh_bella

 

I can imagine how heartbreaking this was for you, to find out you were not wanted by someone. I think sometimes people can come up with what they feel is the simplest solution to a major challenge without taking a lot into account. While your Nana thought of the simplest solution at the time (in her mind), your mum came up with the best solution and that was to bring you into this world. Here you are and the world is better for having you in it.

 

As a 52yo gal, over my lifetime so far I considered on a few occasions how destructive my parents relationship had become by the time I was born. I'm the youngest of 3. Their relationship was pretty good when my brother was born, not entirely bad (though getting there) when my sister next came along but by the time I was born, their relationship was basically shot to hell. Was I the product of an extremely rare night of passion between them? Was I the product of a last ditch effort to save their marriage? Who knows? At the end of the day it doesn't matter, for here I am and that's what counts. While they finally separated more than 20 years ago, the relationship I have with them now is a good and loving one.

 

When I think of my nephew who's in his 30s, my sister returned home alone and pregnant when she was 18. My father wanted my sister to give my nephew up for adoption when he was born, yet my mum wouldn't hear of it. My nephew is a beautiful person and he is loved so much by everyone in the family. He became one of the lights of my dad's life. Again, it doesn't matter what came about before my nephew was born and kept, he is here and that's all that matters.

 

Before we are born we are a concept to some people, not a person yet (in their eyes). As we come to life as a person, with our own unique personality, we become so much more than a concept, a problem, an inconvenience or something else that falls far short of truly defining us.

 

As we come to life, we are magnificent, amazing, amusing, inspiring and more. It is never our fault that others could not see who we were to become before we were born. What matters is that we are here ❤️

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear sigh_bella,

 

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums…

 

I am so sorry that your grandmother wanted that for you and your mother…

 

Please sweet sigh_bella, you’re mothers immense and unconditional love for you, kept you growing inside of her, until your birth, your beautiful mother fought for you, against her own mother’s wishes….That not only takes a lot of courage but also a love so deep for her unborn child that she was willing to do anything to have the honour of holding you in her arms and being your mother….

 

Do you have a good relationship with your nanna now?…and does your mum have a good relationship with you nana?…..only answer if you feel you want to share….some people make rash decisions out of fear….and maybe might regret them years down the track….

 

I am grateful that your mother chose you, over her mothers wants….You are  meant to part of this universe…as well as a beautiful precious child to your mother….

 

Thinking of you with kindness and care, Dear sigh_bella…

Grandy..

 

 

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome 

 

You've had some incredible replies.

You could keep these in mind-

 

  • In 25 years society changes enormously including attitudes
  • A person's opinion is based on all the circumstances at that time many you might not know about
  • It is far different loving a talking, cute as a button little girl than an unborn you cannot see or hear
  • Values change

In my 67 years I've changed from homophobic to love people regardless of sexuality, pro abortion to anti abortion, non spiritual to spiritual and so on. 

 

We need tolerance and understanding to live among others.

 

My daughters friend asked my daughter once "what's it like to have grandparents"

 

TonyWK 

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello sigh_bella, this must have been such a disappointment to learn this, but that could have been when circumstances were different and could have been in difficult times, now the situation could be different and I hope you are loved more than ever, so please get back to us, we'd love to hear back from you, if circumstances are different.

Geoff.

Life Member.

sbella02
Community Champion
Community Champion

Sigh_Bella,

 

You've only written one line here, but I can tell that there's a lot of emotion and pain behind this one line. I'm so sorry to hear that you've found out this information. That's heartbreaking to hear.

 

I really like how Therising has phrased it:

 

Before we are born we are a concept to some people, not a person yet (in their eyes). As we come to life as a person, with our own unique personality, we become so much more than a concept, a problem, an inconvenience or something else that falls far short of truly defining us.

 

There may be many different reasons why she felt this way before you were born. Her opinion may also have changed since then, particularly since you have grown up into the person that you are today. 

 

How is your relationship with your nana today? Would you feel comfortable talking about this with her, if you haven't already? An open conversation may help clarify some questions or opinions you may have about hearing this information.

 

Thinking of you with warmth and love. Please continue chatting with us, we'd love to support you more.

 

SB