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Help please with first date

Community Member

I met a wonderful guy and fell in love with him at first sight when I saw him on an online dating site, I am totally smitten with this man.

Our first date was a dinner date at a beautiful restaurant and after dinner he invited me back to his place.

He got the red wine out and then we became intimate and I spent the night with him.

He sent me a video during the week and we had a couple of messages between us, then stupid me sent this message this afternoon.

Hope you are well
and had a nice weekend...
I can’t help but feel you were trying to tell me something through the Swiss video?
I feel so disappointed, as we had so much in common and could have a great time together.
I think you were great, I respect you and wanted to get to know you as a friend...
Mary xx

I have been having huge anxiety attacks over this, he replied this evening:

Sorry been really busy, and wrapping up things before I leave. No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and thats unlike me tho!
Hope you had a nice weekend and no Monday Blues today!

How do I reply to this message from him without scaring him off, but at the same time I want to tell him I am attracted to him and would love to see him again.

This whole dating game is new to me as I was married for 25 years

Thank you in advance

136 Replies 136

Hi xg,

Just wondering, isn't that only American stuff though? Are you in Aus and talking Aus to now or ? When l first started looking at relationship forums l had no clue what the hell most of them were talking about l'd never come across any of that stuff what so ever here and realized they were all American. l mean they've lost the plot so badly over there it's just sad. Mind you l was married 21yrs and so new to anything in Aus. But 8yrs and l've still, thank God , never, ever come across any of that stuff here or this so called talk thing they crap on about, never had it in my life or had to it's cringe worthy. l'd have thought we were above such rubbish here, well we use to be. As far l've seen Europe /UK don't go for any of it either actually despise it all l've been told by European friends . Be so disappointing if yet again Aus has let yet even more Americanism in, and now even into our relationship and singleton ways. lf l'm ever talking in one of those forums l've always said never had l heard of their so called talk nor had to, ever, we focus on one person here none of that bs butttt, maybe these days l'd be sadly wrong. Never have l come across it though. Matter of fact l'd tell her to take a walk if she even implied it or their multi blag blah.

Mind you , l haven't been single nearly 6yrs now but l suppose on a date site itself people meet and talk to other people yeah sure but that's what a date sites for.


ps , not to say some people don't play around here or find one night stands but in general l mean.

Hi Elsam how you doin.

Sorry if we sidetracked your thread for a minute there but at any rate how are things going with the man ?

Been seeing ea other out of quarantine now, how is ?

All the best.


Community Member

Hi Randomx

How are you? Thank you for the message, really appreciate it.

i honestly have not been on the Forum for weeks as have been too busy with work!

Yes, I am happy to say we are still in contact and things are still going well.

We actually met up for the 2nd date last weekend which was amazing and I am so in love with him I don’t know what to do now...

We had not met up until last weekend because of him returning and being in quarantine and then lockdown was preventing us from seeing each other.

To be honest I am so scared of getting hurt and I think he might be too but I would never hurt him, the feelings I have for him are so overwhelming.

I did say to him on the weekend, that I am scared of getting hurt and he replied:

The only time you will get hurt is if you fall in love!!
He does not know I am in love with him, I fell in love with him at first sight!!

i never actually believed in love at first sight until I saw this man!

Anyway, things became very intimate on the weekend and I stayed the night with him.

Why would he ask me “What are you thinking” ??

Maybe he was trying to find out if I have feelings for him do you think ??

I replied with: Do you really want to know! So I just said: You are so God! damn! Sexy!

I am scared of scaring him off by letting on my true feelings for him.

Is it too soon to let him know how I really feel about him ??

Would he kiss me so passionately if he was not interested or attracted to me??

Would he ask me if I live alone ?

Would he ask how old I was when I got married if he seriously was not attracted?

Would he compliment me and tell me I looked beautiful and compliment me on what I was wearing?

Would he send a message asking if I got home safely if he didn’t care

Then sent a message on Monday saying he had the Monday Blues and thanked me for a special evening!

Would he take photos of me to keep on his phone ?

I sent him a reply saying I had the Monday Blues too after a special weekend with him and sent him one of the photos of myself that he took.

Since I have sent the message on Monday night with the photo I have not heard from him!!

I am having a major anxiety attack!

Maybe he is scared of his feelings ?

Would he stay in touch for 5 months if he was not interested

I do not want to chase him as he has been pursuing me all this time as I always wait for him to message me first

I cannot lose him

When I asked him if the video he sent had some sinister meaning behind it, he said he was not like that!

Community Member

OMG! I cannot handle this dating game!

i am having a massive panic attack!

Hey Elsam,

Thank you for reaching out tonight,

We're concerned to hear you're experiencing a panic attack. 

If you feel that it would be beneficial to you to talk through your feelings with a counsellor, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some short-term support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if that's something you feel might be helpful to you.

Community Member

Hi Elsam , and thanks for dropping back to us.

Sorry about the anxiety , you gotta back wind yourself a bit somehow on all this.

l'm really happy for you that you've both finally caught up again. l wish l could tell more offer something with him too but tbh , l've always found his ways very very hard to read and pin down from what you describe. Like now he's seen you once after all these mths but now he's A wall again for example .

Any contacts been pretty tame and on offish , well for a man in love anyway but at the same time maybe this man is trying to well he sure is anyway but to take it very slow, l don't know.

For me a lot of those things aren't that big l mean he would've had lonely times os and in quarantine, or maybe this is him in love , maybe he's a slow very cautious burner, don't know. He's very very hard to figure out just where he is in this.

Sorry l can't be more help , hopefully some others can.

Take care and try to chill eh.