Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Lostlady83 In a long term relationship with a male feeling that I'm a lesbian.
  • replies: 3

I have been in a relationship with a male for 18yrs I feel that I would rather be with a female. I do not have any sexual disire for my male partner and haven't in a long time. I have been attracted to females all my life and have experienced female ... View more

I have been in a relationship with a male for 18yrs I feel that I would rather be with a female. I do not have any sexual disire for my male partner and haven't in a long time. I have been attracted to females all my life and have experienced female intamicey many times and feel I rather be with a female I am scared to end my long term relationship to persue a relationship with a female.

Epip23 Hi Everyone
  • replies: 7

Hi I am here hoping to find people to talk to. With every year older I get, I also get more isolated and lonely. It feels like my problems are only getting worse with time, no matter how hard I try. It’s at the point now where I’m becoming exhausted.... View more

Hi I am here hoping to find people to talk to. With every year older I get, I also get more isolated and lonely. It feels like my problems are only getting worse with time, no matter how hard I try. It’s at the point now where I’m becoming exhausted. I’m so lonely and so alone. I only have 2 people in my life and I’m not able to lean on those people for various reasons. Sometimes I feel like I’m so used to being alone that I’m becoming comfortable with it and other times it hurts a lot. I grew up in a traumatic environment where I was not safe, loved or wanted, and it feels like this is just affecting me more and more the older I get. The loneliness causes me to reach out to people I already know are toxic, just so I don’t have to be lonely, and of course it always ends badly.

Dana123 Avoidant attachment style - what's helped me and what I've been doing
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, So I am 25 years old and have an avoidant attachment style. A few weeks ago I was crying to my psychologist and saying 'I can't even tell if I'm attracted to the person all I want to do is run' and she said 'of course you can't tell, you're ... View more

Hi guys, So I am 25 years old and have an avoidant attachment style. A few weeks ago I was crying to my psychologist and saying 'I can't even tell if I'm attracted to the person all I want to do is run' and she said 'of course you can't tell, you're anxious' - I found this reassuring because everytime I get in a relationship, I start off attracted to the person then it's like a switch - I'm put off! This always happens when the other person shows more interest or wants to become more emotionally intimate. A couple of things I have realised: As someone with an avoidant attachment style - YOU NEED SOMEONE WITH A SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE Be aware of the strategies you use to try and keep someone distant - I've realised that I use a lot of distancing strategies - both emotional and physical. For me, it always starts off with not responding to messages and although it eases my anxiety at the time - I'm not addressing the issue. So what I do is ask myself this 'am I not replying because I really am busy/unwell etc OR is it because I'm anxious and avoiding'. I also tend to OVER analyse things my potential partner does and ultimately will come up with the conclusion that they're bad - with NO concrete evidence. Find a psychologist who you feel comfortable with. I had previously seen a psychologist for many years and realised I needed someone else - I have a new psychologist now and she has been incredible. In just the few short weeks I've seen her - I understand my thought process more so than I ever have and most importantly, she's made me feel like I am not strange, that many people are like me and that there is hope Be aware and track your unhelpful thinking styles (google this)- I've realised that for me, my avoidance in relationships stem from my low self worth and the unhelpful thinking styles I've led myself to believe over the years. I've been keeping a diary and I've been working through challenging these thinking styles (google how to do this) - I have found this so liberating. Read books on attachment styles - I've been reading the book "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love" - it's ok but I feel that they make it seem those with an Anxious attachment style don't need to change or work on themselves whereas those with an Avoidant style are bad. I have learnt a few things though So for those of you with an avoidant attachment style, what has helped you? Any books? Strategies? Do share

Mealiesmum19 Newbie
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, by the title I'm sure you can tell I'm new here. I am hoping to find others who have been through what I'm going through and have come out or people who can just relate. so a bit of back story, my whole 2017 and part of 2018 is a huge bl... View more

Hi everyone, by the title I'm sure you can tell I'm new here. I am hoping to find others who have been through what I'm going through and have come out or people who can just relate. so a bit of back story, my whole 2017 and part of 2018 is a huge blur because I was abusing alcohol quite heavily. I discovered I was pregnant in 2018 and quit cold-turkey. everything has been going well since then until recently. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl and have been happier than I can remember ever being, however, over the last month or so, I've noticed myself wanting to drink more and more, I have no energy and always feel guilty about never really wanting to play with my daughter. my partner and I had just started talking about having our second baby but the thought of sex is so offputting. I want to have more babies but I just wish that wasn't necessary. I'm not sure where all these feelings are coming from and I just really want to know that I'm not alone. I struggle talking to loved ones about this although I have talked it through with my partner, somehow talking to strangers on the internet seems easier. I'm sorry if this all came out in a jumble and is hard to follow.

timble9 Two year relationship ending, heartbroken and struggling to cope with guilt/anxiety.
  • replies: 1

Coronavirus times have been hard for everyone, particularly my girlfriend of two who had to quit her jobs and isolate herself for two months out of fear of bringing the illness home to her elderly parents. We had been dating for two years, meeting at... View more

Coronavirus times have been hard for everyone, particularly my girlfriend of two who had to quit her jobs and isolate herself for two months out of fear of bringing the illness home to her elderly parents. We had been dating for two years, meeting at our university course studying nursing and were very in sync and happy with one another. During quarantine I wasn't able to see her physically for 2 months. It killed me, but I understood and respected her need to isolate herself. We talked twice a day on the phone/skype and I was always there to support her through this time. When we finally reunited last week, she said that her time in isolation had made her question our relationship, her feelings had changed and she wanted to be friends. She said that for so long she has thought that she loved me so much more than I loved her and that she had finally reached her breaking point. I was shocked and excused myself to go home and process my own thoughts and she did a complete 180, begged me to stay, cried, said she was confused and didn't want me to leave. I told her we both needed some time to think about what we want and left. I met up with her again two days later after some introspection and confessed that I may have not been as forthcoming with how much I loved her, how much she meant to me and how I wanted a future together. This seemed to put her mind at ease and things went back to normal that day. We hung out, were laughing, cuddling, kissing and seemed like a couple again. When I went to leave, she said she wanted a few more days to think and process her thoughts as she wanted to break up, but after everything I told her she was confused about what she wants. I agreed to give her some time to think. Three days of me respecting her space (it was torturous not knowing where we stood) and I text her to check in and ask how she is and she said she would call me later that night. She calls me six hours later, acting very cold and says with much regret she wants to break up and that was the end of it. I'm so heartbroken. I really wanted to make it work and she has always stressed the importance of communication and fighting for a relationship, but she left me in the dark about how she was struggling with doubts that I didn't love her, which culminated to her ending the relationship. I've been trying to focus on my work and nursing, but since we've always bounced ideas off eachother about concepts and care plans, everything just reminds me of her.

Jacobb What is wrong with my sister and how do I get her to seek help?
  • replies: 4

For half of her life my sister has been smoking weed, I personally don't have much of an issue with people smoking weed but she feels like she needs to be high ALL the time. Lately I've started to see a side of her that worries me, she talks to herse... View more

For half of her life my sister has been smoking weed, I personally don't have much of an issue with people smoking weed but she feels like she needs to be high ALL the time. Lately I've started to see a side of her that worries me, she talks to herself out loud, over analyses the psychology of the most simple things to an excessive degree, has mental breakdowns where she acts hysterical and commonly repeats the same phrases or words over and over, she's also recently started expressing very real suicidal thoughts. I've asked her to seek help from a psychologist or psychiatrist but she refuses to as she believes weed is the only treatment she needs. Does this behaviour match any specific mental or psychological disorders? What sort of help or treatment does she need and how do I get her to seek it? Maybe she will agree to see a specialist if I can show her the similarities between the way she has been acting and the symptoms of what you guys believe is causing this behaviour.

Abbie121 Hurtful attitude/passive aggression from a family member
  • replies: 4

I have one close family member who I've increasingly been feeling some passive aggression from after every interaction. I don't understand why and it leaves me feeling deflated and disappointed each time. I do feel it's stemming from within them and ... View more

I have one close family member who I've increasingly been feeling some passive aggression from after every interaction. I don't understand why and it leaves me feeling deflated and disappointed each time. I do feel it's stemming from within them and it's their own issues or insecurities coming out in this way towards me, but it's not nice and I don't understand it. We haven't had any sort of rift or conflict between us, it's just the passive aggressive attitude that is hard to deal with, and also surprises me every time, feels like they're trying to hurt me in very subtle ways. Has anyone been in this situation and may have some advice on how to deal with it? It's not obvious and not to anyone else either so it doesn't feel right to ask them why they have this attitude towards me. Trying to remind myself that it's not to do with me, to continue always being kind and thoughtful towards them, and I need to focus on myself and living my life and staying happy rather than ruminate on this.

ashkey Struggling with a friend
  • replies: 4

Hi there, So like most people, during this whole pandemic and being on lockdown has brought up a lot of feelings for us all that we might not have otherwise felt without being stuck at home with our thoughts. I had some revelations, good and bad but ... View more

Hi there, So like most people, during this whole pandemic and being on lockdown has brought up a lot of feelings for us all that we might not have otherwise felt without being stuck at home with our thoughts. I had some revelations, good and bad but see it all as a positive shift to trying to do things differently. My current issues I am facing is with one of my best friends who has been through a lot of his own personal problems I have helped him through and been supportive for with everything. I know he is greatful and he has told me but recently he has been treating me quite horribly with snappy comments or using me as his own personal punching bag and when I pull him up on it he says he's not doing that. It got so bad that he was being this negative to me if I said or did anything that I had a small panic attack at work the other morning. Our store wasn't open and I was glad to be alone but I calmed myself down with some breathing and have since told my other best friend who happens to have been suffering some similar issues with the same friend. I felt like this all started when I talked to him about feeling alone and forgotten about and pushed aside during quarantine by him and how I genuinely missed my friends as I am a people person and just texting didn't feel like enough. He gave me no comfort this time and was horrible to me. I am the understanding friend, I am told repeatedly by everyone around me but I just don't know how to address this issue with my friend as I feel he will tell me I'm being negative like he has said before and not want to hear it. I don't want to lose him as a friend and I feel somewhere he doesn't want that either. He hasn't had good friends in the past and now has a new boyfriend who is wonderful for him but he seems to be pushing aside his best friends and not nurturing those relationships. The issues he has been through have been big enough to warrant counselling and I told him he should consider it, he doesn't seem to think he needs it which is obviously his call. If anyone has any insight on how I could begin addressing how I feel about how he keeps attacking me that would be greatly appreciated. I am tired of feeling alone and not cared for. I know he has issues to deal with but so so I. Thank you, Ashkey

Cucuboth Lonely at 40
  • replies: 14

Hi, I'm new here, and was actually directed here by Lifeline. So, anyway, I'm 40, and I'm lonely. That's putting it mildly I guess, since I've never had friends. I don't even have any friends online. There's just nobody to talk to, outside of doctors... View more

Hi, I'm new here, and was actually directed here by Lifeline. So, anyway, I'm 40, and I'm lonely. That's putting it mildly I guess, since I've never had friends. I don't even have any friends online. There's just nobody to talk to, outside of doctors, therapist, and my mental health case manager, and of course I can only talk to them between 9 and 5 on a weekday, and they can't do anything about the loneliness really. Like I said, I don't have friends. I can't even remember the last face-to-face conversation I had with someone who wasn't being paid to talk to me. I've never had a real relationship, just a few online ones where I ended up finding out they were still their supposed ex's. I only met one, and she laughed that I thought our relationship was real. So, I'm 40, and still a virgin. I've never held hands, or hugged, or had my first kiss. People seem to find that funny. It's all a bit of a joke because everyone else just takes all that for granted. I've always been told that if I want any of that, I'll have to go and pay for it. Another joke that people always seem to find amusing. Nobody has ever even tried to touch me. Do you know what that's like? To not know what affectionate human touch feels like? To not know what a conversation is like? To not have ever had any good social experiences? They all end in rejection, humiliation, and more isolation. I've done volunteer work, and that just made things worse because I was treated the same was as always, ignored until I did something, and then yelled at for doing it wrong. I've been to anxiety and depression groups, and found nobody there to talk with. I've been to the Men's Shed, and found it was just all elderly men, so I had nobody there to connect with either. I tend to find most things my therapist and case manager send me to are for elderly people. It seems like loneliness isn't taken very seriously in Australia, or that it is only an issue for the elderly. If you're 40, you're not supposed to be lonely. I go to bowling, to a walking group, and an art therapy group, but there's nobody there who wants to talk with me. I've tried groups from meetup.com, with equally no success. And now of course, at this time of year everything is winding down. I just don't fit in anywhere. I'm just so lonely, it's an actual physical pain, and I just can't stand it anymore. Nobody seems to take me seriously, and I just want the loneliness to end.

Pixie_76 Partners Ex Wife
  • replies: 6

Hi I'm new to this forum and would love to hear some views and opinions.... I am in a relationship with a man with 2 teenage children. His breakup with his ex wife was very bitter (she cheated on him). Due to court battles, the children are with thei... View more

Hi I'm new to this forum and would love to hear some views and opinions.... I am in a relationship with a man with 2 teenage children. His breakup with his ex wife was very bitter (she cheated on him). Due to court battles, the children are with their father and their mother sees her children every second weekend although, their father allows the kids to see there mother at their own discretion during the week for a short period of time. He doesn't not want to prevent them from seeing their mother. The problem with the ex wife is, she comes un-announced at times (generally when she finishes work whilst we're having dinner), she constantly brings the kids food (a lot of junk food). As an example, the other night on her way home from work she went to a well known food chain and bought her son a hamburger and came over just as were about to have dinner and gave it to him. Naturally the kid wanted to have the burger and virtually begged his father to have it as he was starving. I was soooo furious about the fact that she's disrupted the household and dinner by coming over and bringing him food which was totally inappropriate and disrespectful. She's making more of a habit to come over on her way home from work to say hello to the kids and 9/10 she always gives them food (chips, chocolate, cheesecake you name it). When she has problems with her partner, she will text my partner inappropriate things and reflects on the relationship they had together, again totally disrespectful towards me. He doesn't reply (or at least that's what he tells me) and sometime he does which angers me even more. This is really starting to have an affect on me and I don't know how I can go on. My partner has even said that he can't deal with living like this and he's sick of his ex-wife having such a negative impact on his life despite not being together. He's basically saying I have to accept that's the way his ex wife is and even if he tried to talk to her she will simply not listen he know's her well enough to know that's what she'll do. He's basically said that he will not live like this and is prepared to sacrifice our relationship. I have to learn to accept she is the way she is... This honestly breaks my heart to think we might break up!!! I need some advice... I'm terrified, tired and frustrated!