Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Guest_4593 Stuck
  • replies: 5

Im stuck..im the youngest of 4 . I was the go to child for my parents.. my parents divorced l bought the family home with my mother .all siblings move in and out now my mum lost her job and i feel like I'm going be taking care of everyone my whole li... View more

Im stuck..im the youngest of 4 . I was the go to child for my parents.. my parents divorced l bought the family home with my mother .all siblings move in and out now my mum lost her job and i feel like I'm going be taking care of everyone my whole life.. and i haven't had a life yet i never will. My siblings left had kids moved in and out and im just the stable home.. but i see no way that ill ever get my own life and i think its to late

Stevolica27 Marry the girl, marry the family
  • replies: 5

Hi there, I'm new here and just wanted to ask a question about relationships and outside people, including but not limited to family I have anxiety which originally developed around some trauma in my 20s (I'm 37) now, and generally, I don't think it ... View more

Hi there, I'm new here and just wanted to ask a question about relationships and outside people, including but not limited to family I have anxiety which originally developed around some trauma in my 20s (I'm 37) now, and generally, I don't think it gets that in the way or clouds my perspectives, but I'm searching for answers with that to hopefully eliminate that from my issues My partner and I have been together for nearly 7 years. She comes from a loving and supportive family with extended members close and two other or so families who often share in holidays etc (we've been on a few cruises as a large group and also my partner's family have a holiday home they regularly invite EVERYONE to) All of that is generally wonderful, but my experience is that it is often TOO MUCH. My partner's parents go to their holiday home ( 3 hours away) almost every long weekend and holidays. I'm totally cool with that and keen to go for a night here and there etc, but I just get pushed aside when there's a decision to go. My partner's siblings (one in particular) put a lot of pressure on her to go, and ultimately she wants to go, even I when I'd tried to talk (and get excited) about planning the long weekends etc together. My partner and I do go on holidays just the two of us and they can be at regular holiday times (her parents are always encouraging) but if we haven't got anything locked down it's like we (she) gets committed to "spending time with the family" .. I don't really have any family anymore but I encourage my partner to see hers as much as she likes, but in these situations I just feel like I come off second best, wasn't considered and just generally a low priority to my partner. I've tried articulating this to her but she puts her foot down and basically says if she decides that what she's doing, she's doing it and isn't interested in planning things together (with or without compromise. Any thoughts much appreciated!! Steve

fatfreefruche Surrounded by affection, but it’s always out of reach to me
  • replies: 2

I’ve always considered myself to be a very self-aware person, so I try to look inwards as much as possible and see how my decisions affect others. I am a 20 year old gay man, and I have never been able to experience anything intimately with another p... View more

I’ve always considered myself to be a very self-aware person, so I try to look inwards as much as possible and see how my decisions affect others. I am a 20 year old gay man, and I have never been able to experience anything intimately with another person. I am surrounded by each of my friends who are happy and content in their relationships, and it is something I crave so deeply. It hurts when all my friends are with their partners, and have someone to exchange love, when I sit alone with love to give but no one to give it to. I have been on the lookout, on as many dating apps as I can find. I have been on several dates since I came out (no problems with acceptance), but it always fizzles. I always find myself in situations where the other party involved is quite toxic, ghosts me without any obvious reason, or just simply isn’t interested, which is completely understandable from my end. A lot of the time, I seek support for people going through a similar thing, but it always tends to boil down to inward problems, like a lack of self-love, respect or acceptance. I am completely comfortable with the person I am, and without trying to sound conceited, I do not think I am off-putting to most. I find it easy to make friends but extremely difficult for something more intimate than that. I often go through periods of what I can only describe as a sort of melancholia, because I can never have any luck looking for someone, or even have anyone look for me. I don’t want this post to sound like I am seeking sympathy, but I genuinely want advice or even another opinion/insight as to why I am struggling so much, because it eats away at me and I have no one in my life who would understand. I want to make it clear that I am not seeking attention from a significant other, but I genuinely want to experience my life with someone special. I am a big advocate for loving yourself before loving someone else, and I truly do believe I am in touch with myself, and have love for myself.

Dwarfstar Friend has corona and stopped responding to messages
  • replies: 2

hi friends, One of my close friends overseas told me about a week ago they tested positive for coronavirus. They work at a meat processing plant and are now isolating. They have mild symptoms. The minute my friend informed me he had the virus however... View more

hi friends, One of my close friends overseas told me about a week ago they tested positive for coronavirus. They work at a meat processing plant and are now isolating. They have mild symptoms. The minute my friend informed me he had the virus however, he just stopped responding to my messages. Now I know I can't expect a response because every person experiencing this virus is unique and going through their own thing. But I am worried for my friend. How can I support someone who isn't responding right now? Thanks for your time! DS

Maddy626 Abusive mother - should I ask for an apology?
  • replies: 10

Hi, I'm currently caught up in a situation where my mother continues to send me abusive text messages and I have told her to stop because I am desperately trying to get through my studies, raise my 12yr old brother, and survive. She has recently thre... View more

Hi, I'm currently caught up in a situation where my mother continues to send me abusive text messages and I have told her to stop because I am desperately trying to get through my studies, raise my 12yr old brother, and survive. She has recently threatened to kill my cats if I don't return the cat I was looking after for her (the cat needed serious medical care (tail amputation and multiple broken bones) she also asked me to take the cat for her). When I visited her to talk about the cat she was upset that I have not 'gotten over' the abusive things she texted me (I can provide more information if needed). I'm very upset right now and I want to send a text message back asking for an apology. I also included a line (the text message has not been sent) asking if she actually loves me. Is this manipulative? Should I just not text anything at all? Should I accept that she wants to just move on and not push for an apology? I don't want to take the low-road, but after many years of this I'm exhausted and I want an apology. ... sorry for the rant, I'm not really sure who to talk to about all of this.

Olivia777 How can I stop resenting my husband?
  • replies: 7

Hello, I seem to have fallen into a vicious circle. We've been married for 5 years and have a toddler and 3 month old baby. I understand that I am going through major hormonal changes and my mood is greatly affected by this. We have ups and downs lik... View more

Hello, I seem to have fallen into a vicious circle. We've been married for 5 years and have a toddler and 3 month old baby. I understand that I am going through major hormonal changes and my mood is greatly affected by this. We have ups and downs like most people, we argue then make up but never resolve any issues we have. I find it impossible to have a conversation with him. I don't deal well with raised voices or being interrupted, so I get very emotional and frustrated, so the conversation usually ends with one of us walking away. One thing we both do is mimic each others bad behaviour, so if one of us does something, the other will find a way to do the same thing back. So nothing ever gets resolved. When he leaves for work, I spend time thinking about how wrong this is and how I need to change, and then when I see him I can't even bring myself to say 'Hello'. There are a number of things he has done, or not done, that are always on my mind and I can't forgive him. How can I change my attitude towards him? I am really struggling, I am angry, frustrated and can't bring myself to show him affection. I know I need help.

Dais Friendship Issues
  • replies: 3

Earlier this year my friend had a thing with another guy this didn’t last long and they ended things. Me and him have been friends for years, so the other night I asked him and another friend around to watch movies. She messaged him asking why he was... View more

Earlier this year my friend had a thing with another guy this didn’t last long and they ended things. Me and him have been friends for years, so the other night I asked him and another friend around to watch movies. She messaged him asking why he was at my house and had a bit of a go at him. She mentioned within their argument that she had told him that I had gone for other friends exes before and that hurt me because it wasn’t true. I just don’t know how to handle it because she’s mad I hung out with him without telling her when I wasn’t trying to be secretive I just didn’t think I had to tell her.

Ceedant Been seeing a new person, feeling anxious and I'm not sure why
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I've recently met a new person on an app. We've been talking for about 3 weeks and have now gone on three (virtual/video chat) dates. All went well. We're both pretty quiet people but enjoyed each other's company and played games together for... View more

Hi all, I've recently met a new person on an app. We've been talking for about 3 weeks and have now gone on three (virtual/video chat) dates. All went well. We're both pretty quiet people but enjoyed each other's company and played games together for a few hours. Despite things objectively looking good - I should be feeling over the moon - I've been feeling really anxious about this since the 3rd date. Normally, I'm not an anxious person, even in dating. At the end of the 3rd date I wanted to ask her to meet up in person but I couldn't get the words out! I instead sent her a message on Facebook (where we had been talking/checking in with each other once a day or so) asking to meet in person, telling her I've been enjoying spending time with her, but haven't got a reply. She was exhausted from a pretty big day, so put it down to that. The following morning, I messaged her to wish her a good day (as we've been doing that) but still no response. I feel I just want to pour my feelings out to her - let her know how I feel about her, that I'm really liking her. It wouldn't be the right way to go about it, especially through a Facebook message and especially given it's very early days. I'm also mindful that I don't want to smother her. Am I being anxious over nothing here? Any advice/reassurance would be amazing.

jemma09 Making new friends online, family 'concerned'
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, Hope you're well! I have been going to therapy this year to work through some traumatic experiences (one being an ex partner who stalked me for a while) that caused me to shut down all social relationships and hide myself from the world.... View more

Hi everyone, Hope you're well! I have been going to therapy this year to work through some traumatic experiences (one being an ex partner who stalked me for a while) that caused me to shut down all social relationships and hide myself from the world. I was paranoid for a long time. Through therapy I have been challenging myself to make connections with people again and become more confident. My therapist gave me steps and challenges I could take. One being trying to do a voice call with someone I met online. Which I did do and felt very happy about the conversation. The person I spoke to is very kind and I felt happy I could challenge myself. I speak to the person regularly now and think they would be a nice person to be a friend. When I talk to people online I enjoy conversation about a range of topics, but ensure to keep some things private for common sense reasons. Such as my hometown, address, workplace and last name etc. However, my family have very strong opinions and seem to be pushing this mindset onto me that I should not be talking to people online. I have made really good progress through therapy yet when my family says something negative about my progress... it makes me feel defeated. One of my parents even said to me today that they are 'concerned' who I could be talking with online, that I need to be careful and they could be a stalker. On the other hand, one parent isn't too bothered by it, they have said to me I'm not a child anymore and I can speak with who I like. Some context here, I am 24 years old so I know how to look after myself. I just feel defeated that my family are not supportive of my social progress. Their negative opinion seems to be igniting my overthinking and makes me want to shut myself away again and not speak to anyone at all. But shutting myself away I know will only have negative effects on my mental health. I don't want to go back to that place, it's very lonely. Has anyone got any experience or advice on how to tackle differing opinions/pressures from family? Thank you for reading this! Take care!

Thefeels I just need new friends
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Does anyone else out there feel like they need a new set of friends? I hardly have anything in common with mine anymore. I feel like mine are all so selfish and toxic. I think this lockdown (im in melbourne) has really made me think about what brings... View more

Does anyone else out there feel like they need a new set of friends? I hardly have anything in common with mine anymore. I feel like mine are all so selfish and toxic. I think this lockdown (im in melbourne) has really made me think about what brings me joy and putting myself first. Ive suffered with anxiety and depression since i was 10, not many people would ever know. Out of all of my friends i feel like no one shares my interests. How does a 27 year old find new people? Sorry if this doesnt make sense. Its just irritating me today more than usual