Why Does My Father Sabotage Me?

[PeteyBoPetey]

Hi Guys,

Most of my life I've worked at least 60 hours or more per week and with the money I made I purchased Investment properties. By the time I was 35 I had properties worth $1.2 million with a $200,000 mortgage. I was about to inherit $200,000 from my father. I told him I planned to use it to discharge my mortgage, then approach the bank to borrow another $1 million to buy a house in Sydney and use the rental income from the investment properties to service the mortgage on the Sydney property. My father laughs at me "Hahaha you think you're a capitalist". He withheld the $200,000 and my wife was mad that we hadn't moved to Sydney, so she left me.

When my wife left, she took out an ADVO which cost me my firearms licence which I need for work. I had no cash, and no income. I wanted to go to court and get my firearms licence back. Instead of helping me, he did everything he could to stop me getting my firearms licence back. I borrowed money, went to court and won. Having to deal with this was hard enough without my father handicapping me.

Whilst this was going on, I had to represent myself in family court because I had no income. My father gave each of his daughters $200,000 that they wasted on holidays and new cars. He could have helped pay for a family lawyer, but refused to. "Your gonna lose a house". It was like he wanted me to lose in family court, and I did; big time. "I told you you'd lose a house" It's like he's constantly wishing the worst for me and doing what he can to destroy me.

It's bad enough that I have to cope with the dissolution of my marriage, losing $700,000 of the $1 million I accrued over 28 years to a 4 years marriage, the loss of a career, I now have to cope and try to understand my father refuses to support me and worst, feels the need to sabotage me. Why does he do it?. He gives money hand over fist to other members of the family.

I plan to use any future inheritance to buy land that has future subdivision potential for my retirement and live on it with a relocatable home. He's just told me that I can't manage money and he's going to put it into a trust fund for my kids. This is just another move to keep me in poverty. I'm going to be 65 and substantially poorer than other family members even though I've worked three times harder and invested wisely.

[Stevolica27]

Hey there mate, sounds rough! I don't know if I have anything really helpful to say. There's a lot of context missing around some issues, but I can say it's frustrating to see older parents treat their adult children really differently and try to punish their life decisions or otherwise etc. I was brought up where my mum didn't always agree with how my sister lived her life but always ensured she equitably shared her support to us all, not that she was able to share the kind of money you're talking about.

As someone not of faith, I've been getting into more buddhist ways of seeing the world. I've found it invaluable with my own issues - a different way of seeing the world. Think about, if you can, what you do have, what actually really makes us happy. Financial security was drummed into all of us as kids and you can't fault it in some ways, but obsessing over it may reduce our abilities to live our lives in the present. All we have is the present moment, and that doesn't cost anything.

Hope you feel better and can look forward to your future.

Cheers

[PeteyBoPetey]

I agree with the live in the present and don't worry about the future. But unfortunately with time the future becomes the present.

The issue that's killing me the most is not my financial position. It's all the time I've wasted. 28 years and it's all flush down the toilet, and my father seems to enjoy seeing me fail. My original post sounds like a spoilt brat whinging about not getting hand outs. The point that I was trying to make was the double standards between family members. It appears the harder someone one works, and the smarter they are with their money, the more he hates them. I can handle him being disinterested, but it hurts when your father constantly through obstacles in my way.

I'm currently in Uni. Instead od supporting me in achieving my degree, he's talking about throwing me out. Where am I going to live?

[white knight]

Hi PBP

Going by your post it seems, for whatever reason, your father has adverse feelings for you be it jealousy or conflict of character or other.

Your admission you "sound like a spoilt brat" has some factually about it. Even though you have still a substantial amount of equity, you worry about where you'll livevif kicked out of you're dad's home.

IMO with such conflict going on under the same roof why are you still living there? Also with clear evidrnce your father is openly favouring your siblings over you, it's another reason to distance yourself. With the adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder" you'd have better chance of inheritance left to you if you did move out.

Common places to rent is shared houses, rooms, bungalows or caravans.

Spread your wings I suggest and the past monies lost well, throw those rocks in a river and move on.

TonyWK