Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mr K New relationship while separated, very complicated landscape.
  • replies: 5

Sometimes you just have no control over timing and for me I've fallen for a wonderful woman pre divorce. My relationship with my ex is over and we are currently co-parenting 50/50 our two little girls. Since separating I've met and begun a relationsh... View more

Sometimes you just have no control over timing and for me I've fallen for a wonderful woman pre divorce. My relationship with my ex is over and we are currently co-parenting 50/50 our two little girls. Since separating I've met and begun a relationship with another woman. Although the timing isn't ideal I really feel that we are meant to be together and share many common interests. She is a single mother to one child and is self sufficient, intelligent and very caring. Obviously this year has been a challenging one for more than one reason but my new relationship has been extremely rewarding and I really want this to work out. I don't want to upset my children or my immediate family so to this point my new relationship has been very much a secret from them. This is very different to my new partner as she has been very upfront and honest with her own family. I don't know how to begin the transition, how to tell my family, how to introduce the kids? I'm terrified that my extended family who I'm heavily relying on for childcare and assistance with drop off/ pickups will withdraw that help when they find out. I'm really genuinely trying to do the right thing for us all and just for once including myself (I want to be happy too). I know in an ideal world I should have waited for my divorce to be finalised but you just can't help when and who you fall in love. So to be very clear: I share care of my own beautiful kids 50/50 and they are my world. I share 50/50 costs of our old family home (MY ex still lives there). I pay the child support im asked for every time I'm renting a unit owned by my Mother in Law (At this stage we still have a good relationship) I rely heavily on assistance from my ex wife's Aunt (We have at this stage a good relationship) What should I do now? How do I go about making this right/work so that we can all move forward?

anders Am I overreacting?
  • replies: 2

Hi - Ive been dealing with this on my own the past few months and I just dont know how to deal with it anymore. Here's the background: I have a boyfriend that I have been with for the past 7 years. Our relationship is complicated - he's divorced with... View more

Hi - Ive been dealing with this on my own the past few months and I just dont know how to deal with it anymore. Here's the background: I have a boyfriend that I have been with for the past 7 years. Our relationship is complicated - he's divorced with kids. When we first started going out (I was 28), he was still going through his divorce process. There were moments where he would freak out and break it off, and then times when I would freak out having to try and explain this to my parents. Anyways, years passed - my sister got engaged and we still hadn't progressed (neither of us had met eachothers parents). We broke it off in 2016, I moved to Europe and we got back together, then broke it off again in early 2018. I moved back to Australia, he moved here and we got back together again mid-2018. So I helped him settle here and we spent lots of time together. Then in October 2019, he broke it off with me saying he didn't want to get married anymore or have kids with me. I was shocked and devastated - I kept asking why and he kept saying our relationship failed because of me. This continued on for 4 months (till Feb 2020) - until I found out that the weekend after he broke it off with me, he went out with another girl. And all the while he was gaslighting me that I was the reason our relationship failed even stating that he would rather be alone than with me - and I felt so guilty and went into depression because of it - while those 4 months he was seeing another girl. During those months, I asked him if there was someone else - which he kept saying no. So eventually I find out about this girl and Feb and confronted him - he couldn't even be honest about it saying it started only 2 weeks ago. Anyways, in March he went to see a therapist because he realised he didnt like who he was becoming - he didnt even tell the girl he was married with kids but just led her on. So he came to me asking for forgiveness - and we should try again. So after a few weeks, I said ok. He then said he would be honest and tell me all I wanted to know. But there were some things of what he said that didnt add up - I had stalked the girl and she had put photos up of all the weekends she went away - while he was saying he wasnt with her on those weekends, but gut instincts tell me otherwise. He's still hiding things from me and when I tell him my issues and concerns and doubts - he yells, gets mad and threatens to leave me - like as if I'm the crazy one?

AbeWilliam I want to seperate but my wife doesn’t
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Without going into too much detail, I have committed to leaving my wife for lots of reasons but ultimately I am unhappy and have been for a long time. i told my wife today that I want to seperate but she won’t accept it. She says I’m destroying our f... View more

Without going into too much detail, I have committed to leaving my wife for lots of reasons but ultimately I am unhappy and have been for a long time. i told my wife today that I want to seperate but she won’t accept it. She says I’m destroying our family(we have 2.5yr old) she says I’m being selfish, she is begging me to stay. I’m trying to leave but I don’t know how. she even went as far as saying she is going to kill her self. I don’t think she will but she is making it hard for me to leave. do I just pack my things and go? What if she won’t let me see my son. sorry for a vague question.

Alexandra108 I can’t help but feel insecure about my boyfriend’s open use and he says he’s sick of having to justify it
  • replies: 1

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I know that he watches porn and he said he would cut down a while ago. But since then he’s had profiles of girls on Facebook up which are provocative or tabs open of porn when I’m arou... View more

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I know that he watches porn and he said he would cut down a while ago. But since then he’s had profiles of girls on Facebook up which are provocative or tabs open of porn when I’m around and I’ve gotten upset. I’ve tried to just condition myself into just thinking of sex in a different way and not viewing myself as special or the only one for him but I still feel really pathetic and ashamed of my body and my value when these situations occur. I’ve explained this to him and have tried to communicate that sex holds a lot of trauma for me from a past relationship where an ex would compare me to these people (Porn) and restrict what I could eat or if I wouldn’t do something tell me he would just drop me and find someone who would so I feel a lot of fear and shame already just being with someone intimately. But when I try to explain that I understand why he does it but it still makes me feel like I’m not enough and scared to be vulnerable he says he’s over having to justify himself and comfort me and that I’m draining and unreasonable and wouldn’t find someone who doesn’t watch porn so I just need to get over it. I’m also just already feeling insecure as he often makes a big deal out of telling me that he could be with anyone and that it is always a possibility. A friend of his recently told me he tells me this on purpose and that he thinks it’s important that I’m always aware that it isn’t for sure and keeps me putting in effort. But I feel like it’s putting me into a state of constant fear of just being dropped when something better comes along rather than being attentive. I just don’t know what to do because I’m really trying to just accept that whomever I am with won’t completely be satisfied with me. But it’s really hard and I just don’t feel hopeful about the future anymore. I use to be really idealistic almost to a fault and now I just don’t feel like I’m ever going to have a relationship where I’m enough for them and it really hurts. I just feel like I’m not allowed to feel how I feel and that me not being able to accept him watching porn is making him not want to be with me and that I need to just get over it. I feel ashamed that it bothers me and that I’m making him stressed but I can’t just shut off my initial feelings of shame in myself when this happens. I don’t know how to fix myself and not ruin my relationship. I wish I could just be okay with it.

Cara_Jan I was being used...
  • replies: 2

My "Best friend" had had a fight with her best friend and decided to hang out with me and my friend for the rest of the year! BUT... -------> She and (Her best friend) Tiana made up! I didn't mind at all. Of anything I was glad. But then They wouldnt... View more

My "Best friend" had had a fight with her best friend and decided to hang out with me and my friend for the rest of the year! BUT... -------> She and (Her best friend) Tiana made up! I didn't mind at all. Of anything I was glad. But then They wouldnt come near me kept ignoring me and-and.. I heard them talking about me! Im sure yous dont care but I have to get this out!!!!!!!!!!1

Wifehelp Want to help my husband
  • replies: 1

My husband has suffered anxiety and depression for about 10years but over the past few days he has been saying he can’t live and has having suicidal thoughts he is constantly crying and unable to see any positives. I have tried to get him to the hosp... View more

My husband has suffered anxiety and depression for about 10years but over the past few days he has been saying he can’t live and has having suicidal thoughts he is constantly crying and unable to see any positives. I have tried to get him to the hospital or suggested booking in with his GP but he keeps saying it’s pointless. I’m concerned as usually he will do one of these two things. Any suggestions on how to help him??

Guest_4593 Stuck
  • replies: 5

Im stuck..im the youngest of 4 . I was the go to child for my parents.. my parents divorced l bought the family home with my mother .all siblings move in and out now my mum lost her job and i feel like I'm going be taking care of everyone my whole li... View more

Im stuck..im the youngest of 4 . I was the go to child for my parents.. my parents divorced l bought the family home with my mother .all siblings move in and out now my mum lost her job and i feel like I'm going be taking care of everyone my whole life.. and i haven't had a life yet i never will. My siblings left had kids moved in and out and im just the stable home.. but i see no way that ill ever get my own life and i think its to late

Stevolica27 Marry the girl, marry the family
  • replies: 5

Hi there, I'm new here and just wanted to ask a question about relationships and outside people, including but not limited to family I have anxiety which originally developed around some trauma in my 20s (I'm 37) now, and generally, I don't think it ... View more

Hi there, I'm new here and just wanted to ask a question about relationships and outside people, including but not limited to family I have anxiety which originally developed around some trauma in my 20s (I'm 37) now, and generally, I don't think it gets that in the way or clouds my perspectives, but I'm searching for answers with that to hopefully eliminate that from my issues My partner and I have been together for nearly 7 years. She comes from a loving and supportive family with extended members close and two other or so families who often share in holidays etc (we've been on a few cruises as a large group and also my partner's family have a holiday home they regularly invite EVERYONE to) All of that is generally wonderful, but my experience is that it is often TOO MUCH. My partner's parents go to their holiday home ( 3 hours away) almost every long weekend and holidays. I'm totally cool with that and keen to go for a night here and there etc, but I just get pushed aside when there's a decision to go. My partner's siblings (one in particular) put a lot of pressure on her to go, and ultimately she wants to go, even I when I'd tried to talk (and get excited) about planning the long weekends etc together. My partner and I do go on holidays just the two of us and they can be at regular holiday times (her parents are always encouraging) but if we haven't got anything locked down it's like we (she) gets committed to "spending time with the family" .. I don't really have any family anymore but I encourage my partner to see hers as much as she likes, but in these situations I just feel like I come off second best, wasn't considered and just generally a low priority to my partner. I've tried articulating this to her but she puts her foot down and basically says if she decides that what she's doing, she's doing it and isn't interested in planning things together (with or without compromise. Any thoughts much appreciated!! Steve

fatfreefruche Surrounded by affection, but it’s always out of reach to me
  • replies: 2

I’ve always considered myself to be a very self-aware person, so I try to look inwards as much as possible and see how my decisions affect others. I am a 20 year old gay man, and I have never been able to experience anything intimately with another p... View more

I’ve always considered myself to be a very self-aware person, so I try to look inwards as much as possible and see how my decisions affect others. I am a 20 year old gay man, and I have never been able to experience anything intimately with another person. I am surrounded by each of my friends who are happy and content in their relationships, and it is something I crave so deeply. It hurts when all my friends are with their partners, and have someone to exchange love, when I sit alone with love to give but no one to give it to. I have been on the lookout, on as many dating apps as I can find. I have been on several dates since I came out (no problems with acceptance), but it always fizzles. I always find myself in situations where the other party involved is quite toxic, ghosts me without any obvious reason, or just simply isn’t interested, which is completely understandable from my end. A lot of the time, I seek support for people going through a similar thing, but it always tends to boil down to inward problems, like a lack of self-love, respect or acceptance. I am completely comfortable with the person I am, and without trying to sound conceited, I do not think I am off-putting to most. I find it easy to make friends but extremely difficult for something more intimate than that. I often go through periods of what I can only describe as a sort of melancholia, because I can never have any luck looking for someone, or even have anyone look for me. I don’t want this post to sound like I am seeking sympathy, but I genuinely want advice or even another opinion/insight as to why I am struggling so much, because it eats away at me and I have no one in my life who would understand. I want to make it clear that I am not seeking attention from a significant other, but I genuinely want to experience my life with someone special. I am a big advocate for loving yourself before loving someone else, and I truly do believe I am in touch with myself, and have love for myself.

Dwarfstar Friend has corona and stopped responding to messages
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hi friends, One of my close friends overseas told me about a week ago they tested positive for coronavirus. They work at a meat processing plant and are now isolating. They have mild symptoms. The minute my friend informed me he had the virus however... View more

hi friends, One of my close friends overseas told me about a week ago they tested positive for coronavirus. They work at a meat processing plant and are now isolating. They have mild symptoms. The minute my friend informed me he had the virus however, he just stopped responding to my messages. Now I know I can't expect a response because every person experiencing this virus is unique and going through their own thing. But I am worried for my friend. How can I support someone who isn't responding right now? Thanks for your time! DS