Is it worth waiting for someone who you’re sure about?

[Selim]

So I’m dealing with a lot of things which make me quite unhappy including my desire to transition to live as a female and having a crush on someone who I haven talked to in years.

Starting off is my crush who I’m not so sure about if she even likes me and we haven’t talked in years. She is on one of my social media accounts but I tried to add her on Facebook as well but no response. I wanted to initiate a conversation on Facebook with her but even last time about four years ago when I sent her a message she didn’t even respond. I am scared that if I message her on my other social media account that she won’t event respond.

the Other problem is my gender identity. Even if she wants to talk to me I am not sure if she wants to be together with me because I want to be a woman. like I’m not sure if her sexuality and am guessing she likes only guys.

I haven’t even transitioned yet and this makes me quite unhappy as well due to being unable to afford to pay for the associated costs with preserving my fertility. Now if she wants be with me but I want to transition before that even eventuates, I am going to be unhappy as well because I can’t have kids wir her.

should I just try to talk to her and see what happens? I guess I’m just scared about being hurt again because I had other problems with a different girl about 6 years ago which hurt me quite a lot already and both girls are from the same uni that I used to go to as well.

[Emmen]

Dear Selim,

Welcome to the forums.

I understand the dilemma you're in. With so many uncertainties, it's not easy for you to decide what to do.

When we like someone, it's inevitable that we will think long into the future. Fertility and kids, whether she'll accept your gender identity...these are all fair concerns but not something you should be focused on right now. She hasn't even responded to your friend request now, and also didn't respond to you four years ago. As far as the current situation goes, she's not someone you should be spending your time on because her lack of responses suggests she isn't interested. You would do better if you could start getting over her and moving on with life.

I'm sorry if this isn't the response you wanted to hear. You've already been hurt before, and I don't want plant any false hope as that may get you hurt again.

Take care.

Kindly,
M

[Selim]

I know exactly what you mean. She always seemed so nice when she initiated even a short ‘hello’.

I’m also thinking of moving on, but it seems as if I do that I’m now sure if I will ever be happy with my decision. Besides she’s working full-time and I’m still a student because I had some issues at the uni I went to (it involved the other girl that rejected me). Now I go to a different uni.

Yes I’m seeing a psychologist but it only helps this much.

[Selim]

Hi Emmen,

What do you think if she suddenly comes a few years down the track? Is it worth it? Like you said she hasn’t talked to me four years ago anymore and now is not adding me on Facebook ( she re added me on my other social media account though as I deleted her (I was pretty upset at my situation)) but I wonder what if she suddenly comes back. My other advice regarding that other girl before was that ‘indeed if it’s true love then she would have wanted to talk to you right away’ also I don’t want make it sound like I like two girls at once. I have gotten over that other girl who got me into some trouble. But yea when I was immature I couldn’t make up my mind with yet another girl.