Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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BenD Relationships - romantic and family
  • replies: 3

Hi guys Checking in for a vent. Had a very tough family session with my siblings and mum last Thursday (re: my parents divorce last year) and had to take Friday off work. My boss is a bit of a dinosaur so I'm sort of stressed about him grilling me to... View more

Hi guys Checking in for a vent. Had a very tough family session with my siblings and mum last Thursday (re: my parents divorce last year) and had to take Friday off work. My boss is a bit of a dinosaur so I'm sort of stressed about him grilling me tomorrow about calling in sick on a Friday but really what can I do. Me being healthy will probably save him money in the long term anyway. On top of that I broke up with my girlfriend of 9 months on Friday. We were just always arguing and she wanted commitment that I couldn't give her. Still sucks though. So basically I'm feeling pretty crap about facing emotions to do with the divorce, pretty sad about breaking up with my girlfriend and somewhat anxious about the work situation.

Simply39 Lonely and unmotivated
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm not 100% sure if I have anxiety, depression, both or even a combination of things (personality-wise) at this point. But wanted to say hi. Diagnosed with depression 4 years ago after some bullying in my previous job, couldn't work out if i... View more

Hi all, I'm not 100% sure if I have anxiety, depression, both or even a combination of things (personality-wise) at this point. But wanted to say hi. Diagnosed with depression 4 years ago after some bullying in my previous job, couldn't work out if it really was. I never experienced hopelessness etc. Meds helped stabilise the moods, but I lack motivation, dedication, now, even confidence. I came on here because my partner doesn't understand my feelings. I have intense feelings of loneliness a lot, even when he's around and particularly at home (family in NZ, dad unwell, friends who don't really talk to you since you left the country!). He says "go find some friends", - is it that easy? He goes online to play games with his friends, I sit around like a dork. He laughs with them, jokes, while I interact with the kids (he does too, very good dad), read, draw and write. I'm taking art classes online and while that's fun it's not laughing out loud make you feel good friend fun, its for peace of mind... I feel envy, maybe even jealousy because he's engaging with them and not me... (silly isn't it?) I used to have such a good bunch of friends back home in NZ, loved art, music, walking the dog, and I was very social. Now though, I'm coming up 40 next week and I can't even remember the last time we (partner and I) were invited anywhere together. I haven't been to someone's house for weeks, months even. Not even for a BBQ, new years, birthday celebrations... We try to go on dates, but we just sit asking questions about the kids...? I can't keep up with some of the stuff he talks about and when I talk about something he says "not interested", or "where did you hear that?"... He goes out with his work buddies, stay home with the kids. He comes home late hours and then he's no use to me or the kids the next day. LOL* (self-inflicted of course). I put my first piece of art into an exhibition a few months ago and asked him to come with me, he hated every second of it - couldn't wait to leave. Never said he was proud, or great work...any of that. he reckons I shouldn't need it. I felt disheartened. I wanted him to say something.maybe the issue is we aren't compatible? The other issue is I can't stand much noise, someone talking while the TV is on and there is music in the background...(for example) Lights.. clicking pens, running water, taps dripping? I'd love to hear how others have coped with this type of situation. Thanks,

SybilleP Feeling suffocated
  • replies: 1

Hi. I have a friend whom I’ve only known 2 years. I met her at a time when my marriage was going through a rough time, I was in the process of burn out and my husband and son both had big health diagnoses. She was amazing and so supportive (our famil... View more

Hi. I have a friend whom I’ve only known 2 years. I met her at a time when my marriage was going through a rough time, I was in the process of burn out and my husband and son both had big health diagnoses. She was amazing and so supportive (our family live abroad) so we have no one here. However, I’m now feeling suffocated. She texts me every day 20+ times, is put out if I do something without her and I can’t even visit another part of the state without her wanting to come too. It feels like I’m in another marriage. She knows everything about what I do each day and I’m feeling suffocated. I have done my best to support her when she’s needed an ear, but it feels like she’s always looking for things to care-take with me. How do I establish some new boundaries when it feels there are none? I would hate for her to feel that I’ve taken from her.... I’m so grateful for all she’s done to support me and my family but I need space. Please help..... there’s a lot on codependent relationships but. It much on when you’re the enabler wanting to redefine the relationship.

Tracella Advice required please Anger and in-laws
  • replies: 2

My partner often will get angry at and then when an argument ensures will involve his parents. The most recent one resulted in his parents sending me sms calling me a liar, “I make his son sick”, “grow up” etc... so fast forward I have blocked them a... View more

My partner often will get angry at and then when an argument ensures will involve his parents. The most recent one resulted in his parents sending me sms calling me a liar, “I make his son sick”, “grow up” etc... so fast forward I have blocked them and intend to have zero communication with them as I am trying to look after me mental health. My partner is furious about this. Today his daughter (26) placed a DVO on him (no grounds) after he told her to butt out of an argument where he placed all my belongings on the verandah after an argument. He is blaming me and his parents are blaming me, they were on loud speaker and his mother said oh this could be all her doing (referring to me) and I said what (a little too loudly) and she went off at my partner and said “tell her to shut up this doesn’t involve her okay you shut up miss” my partner said no mum she has nothing to do with it she is sensitive that’s all. I feel like I have no support at all. He is still blaming me and still angry at me and has got all his clothes out of our closet like he is moving out but he won’t. How do I make him see me as the good guy, see me as the partner who went with him to the police station, see me who has now also lost any friendship I had in his daughter. He is hurting yes but so am I.

Aurora_B Is my Mum a narcissist?!
  • replies: 3

I’m 25 have lived out of home for a long while. My partner and I bought a house together and we have finally saved enough to do some renovations. While these are happening, we’ve moved back to my parents house and my mental health has nose dived. Sol... View more

I’m 25 have lived out of home for a long while. My partner and I bought a house together and we have finally saved enough to do some renovations. While these are happening, we’ve moved back to my parents house and my mental health has nose dived. Solely because of the way my Mum behaves and treats me. She seems like the nicest person to everyone, but when it’s just me and her she’s so mean. If we have an argument she always makes big, global statements about me as a person, “you’re such an aggressive person”, “you’ve always been so ungrateful”, “I can never talk to you about anything”, “everything with you turns into a row”, “there’s something seriously wrong with you”. I asked her to please not always say things about my character and she said that it’s just a turn of phrase and I need to learn how the English language is used. I’ll also ask her if she can please help out with something, and she will make such a fuss and make it seem like it’s going to absolutely ruin her day. So, of course, I say not to worry about it. Then my partner came home from work to help me and she says to him, “oh no, she didn’t make you come home from work?! I could have helped her!” She will also say something and then straight up deny she said it 2 minutes afterwards. As if she expects me to just forget what I heard?! She does this constantly. She’ll say, “I never said that!” And then say to my Dad (who is terrified of her) “Did I say that??” And he just shakes his head. My entire life I have thought I was defective, too aggressive and a difficult person to deal with. Because that’s what my Mum has always told me. But my partner yesterday said to me that it’s clear that I’m a reasonable and empathetic person and the problem isn’t me, it’s my Mum. Anyway, this is just to vent and ask if anyone has advice on how to deal with a family member like this? I’m so exhausted, she just sucks all my energy, but we have to live here for another month... I love her because she’s my Mum but she is really taking a toll on my mental health. It’s just constant.

lochness46 Ive BPD & I have struggled most of my life with relationships
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My names Vanessa & Im a single parent living in country Vic. Ive been diagnosed with BPD since 2009. I was previously diagnosed with Depression prior. Its been a very diffcult journey for me, especially prior to being diagnosed with BPD..BPD is one o... View more

My names Vanessa & Im a single parent living in country Vic. Ive been diagnosed with BPD since 2009. I was previously diagnosed with Depression prior. Its been a very diffcult journey for me, especially prior to being diagnosed with BPD..BPD is one of the most complicated & complex Mental Illness you can have. Most of the trauma that happened to me, to trigger my mental illnesses (my BPD) occured when I was a teen that sent me on a spiral of self medicating with self distructive behaviours, & ruining my first serious romantic relationship. I havent felt good enough in my own skin for most of my life, & still dont. So as the years went along, I saw therapist after therapist, with most of it not really helping me till 2009, when I was offically diagnosed with BPD. Then 16 yrs ago I met a man whom had narcasstic traits that I wasnt even aware off. He soon became my "favourite person" & wanted to be loved so desperately. Life seem good & this man whom I was besotted with...6 months after being together I found out that I was pregnant. What a huge & delightful suprise, but not known to me after this man found out I was pregnant, he changed....We started fighting alot & he started to become verbally abusive with me....I didnt know what was happening at the time. I started to resent the way his was & see that he was had very narcissistic traits.. So after my beautiful baby boy was born, the relationship with my sons father really turned bad & not only did more veral abuse start, the physically abuse started too. I was very confused & eventually reached out to the Domestic Violence Support Group. It certainly opened my eyes to the fact that I was dealing with domestic violence. So after that, after about 3 yrs I wanted out of this toxic relationship with my sons father. But he certainly didnt make it easy for me to leave. So many AVO"s & court appearances drove me insane. All these huge difficult issues made my BPD SO much worse, which I didnt even realise at the time...I have suffered quite alot of other traumas in my life also, with a parent who im sure has BPD as well, my mum & a dad who invalidated my feelings & emotion most of the time. Even though I have gone through alot that I wasnt prepared for & have survived quite alot, I still feel very lonely, to scared to get in a relationship again & misunderstood. Can you relate & understand my story??

Moongoddess Family catastrophe *Trigger warning: suicide references
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I already suffer from chronic depression and BPD as well as having a very broken family. Something catastrophic just happened in my family though. My sisters drinking addiction reached such heights that her body shut down, shes been in hospital for m... View more

I already suffer from chronic depression and BPD as well as having a very broken family. Something catastrophic just happened in my family though. My sisters drinking addiction reached such heights that her body shut down, shes been in hospital for more than a month now, in ICU since the start of October I think. With things like complete kidney failure and liver issues, it even got to the point where we were called into hospital to say goodbye they didn't expect her to survive the night. Somehow she improved enough to get dialysis started. And has woken out of her coma. The damage is done though. I have no idea if she can pull through even still. My mum and I are now left with the issue of raising her 4 little children, these poor children already screwed up from domestic abuse issues now face losing there mum as well. Im finding it very hard to cope but I really have no choice anymore Other issues include my father having been so abusive during this period of time and throwing his vendetta against my mum at me. He is doing his best to get the kids taken away all out of his own bitterness. Unfortunately my sister put him as her next of kin as well so that carries more issues for us and for the future. The days I am home away from the kids I mostly just want to sleep and cry. I can't help the resentment I feel for my sister either. Even though I know she's suffering a hell of her own now in a hospital bed and vegetable like body. And to add to it I know she was planning a suicide attempt. My heart breaks when I go see her in hospital. She can barely move, hooked up to endless machines, has a tracheotomy even for help breathing and no voice. She has tried lip word things to me but I can't always understand and I feel bad that I can't. I just don't know whether I can cope and live this life that I now have to. These kids need me, they will never have their mother again. She will always need care and things she can't get living at home if she survives..

Appealing Trapped or clouded
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I have not known where to turn but found myself here. i’ve been married for nine years and have three beautiful children under seven. My wife and I have been in counselling for over two years now with limited success. Ever since we’ve been together i... View more

I have not known where to turn but found myself here. i’ve been married for nine years and have three beautiful children under seven. My wife and I have been in counselling for over two years now with limited success. Ever since we’ve been together it’s always felt like she’s trying to change me, Not just with annoyances about me but major things and if I don’t conform then I Don’t love her. At first I thought this was just what marriage was he sacrificed for the other for the relationship for the good of the family but as time has gone on I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one doing the sacrifice, the changing. It’s just come out in a counselling sessions that she has never ever fully loved or accepted me. I was utterly gutted. I find myself now wondering what to do. The more I analyse it the more I think I just need to do more I just need to change more but I don’t think that’s the answer. Because I end up feeling like a doormat and emancipated. . I have a amazing relationship with my kids and I cherish them so much. But I just don’t know what to do to fix things I feel trapped helpless. I’ve given my wife and my family my all but it never seems to be enough. Maybe I’m just getting bogged down with the negatives but I just feel stuck. I feel guilty because I have so much to be thankful for but I can’t seem to get a flourishing marriage. Any other dads and father’s been here? I feel like after two years aI feel like after two years of marriage counselling things would and should be better. So disheartening when counselling isn’t working, it’s meant to fix things or least push us in the right direction. Thanks for listening.

pobaw All alone all the time
  • replies: 1

I struggle with friendships and just relationships in general. I never feel that I can trust people and I am constantly paranoid and afraid that they will abandon me, so I'm terrified of making a single mistake or opening up to people. Recently, a pe... View more

I struggle with friendships and just relationships in general. I never feel that I can trust people and I am constantly paranoid and afraid that they will abandon me, so I'm terrified of making a single mistake or opening up to people. Recently, a person who hurt me incredibly deeply for a number of years has come back into my life and infiltrated almost every network of relationships that I had. The problem is that I was told by my psychologist that I need to open up to people to help set boundaries because this person never listens or acknowledges when I'm upset by their actions. But I'm horrifically non confrontational and the idea of this is nauseating to me. I feel all alone, I feel suffocated and trapped but at the same time I feel so far away from everyone I care about. I feel like I need to leave and find new friends, but it feels like I'm running away from my problems. I just wish that I could trust the people around me to put me first, to care about me, to support me and look out for me, but I can't and I don't, I don't think they would stand by me.

Feper Struggling with being a step
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Hey needed to say something somewhere. I really struggle ,with being a step parent and the constant worry that I can loose all this at the drop of a hat. my back story, I was in a relationship with a sing;e Mum of 3 girls that started around 16 years... View more

Hey needed to say something somewhere. I really struggle ,with being a step parent and the constant worry that I can loose all this at the drop of a hat. my back story, I was in a relationship with a sing;e Mum of 3 girls that started around 16 years ago, we split up around 10 years ago and the youngest girl came and lived with me, she is now 21 and still living with me , but I still have these concerns that I can loose it all by her mum dying don’t see her or her partner saying “he’s not your,real dad” This pain never goes away. Am I irrational?