Issues. Just a vent

[Novaa]

Hello there.

Now to get started, I have autism and anxiety. Sometimes it's really hard for me to understand some words and/or the actions of someone and what they say.

I have issues with my father a lot, he makes me feel so horrible about myself. He questions why I sit in my room all day. He makes me feel fat, always yelling at me. I only stood up to him once, and for some reason I can't do that again. He is the reason why I sit in my room all the time. He makes me so upset and I'm getting tired of crying all the time.

I dislike most of my family to be honest. It feels like no one pays attention to me so I just hide away. Whenever there are family BBQ's I try to avoid going, but I just get forced to go anyway. I always felt so awkward around them, always sitting by myself.

My father is toxic, and it's bad for my mental health, I feel like someday I'm just gonna break and do something horrible. My S/O wants to get me moved out of there ASAP so I'm desperately trying to save money, but it never goes right when people want things from you, like rent.

They want $200 from me and I get $300. I'm still trying to find a job as well. I just feel so alone. I self harmed a few weeks ago to see if they actually cared, oh boy I was so wrong. No one was concerned or asked me if I was okay, nothing. It is currently 1am and I can't sleep.

I Can't stop thinking. Right now I feel like crying while writing this.

Thank you for reading I guess.. 😄

[Sophie_M]

Hey Novaa,

Thank you for reaching out here tonight and sharing what you are going through. We're so sorry to hear that you are having issues with your father and that you have been feeling misunderstood and isolated at home. We are also very sorry to hear that you self harmed recently. It sounds like you are struggling with some pretty intense feelings right now. We are so glad you've reached out here and please know that you are in a safe, non-judgmental space where our lovely community members can offer their insight and support. Can we ask if you are receiving any mental health support, at school or elsewhere?

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. They operate 24/7 and can offer support and advice.

You might also be interested in looking at one of our threads, "Instead of harming myself I now...". This page is filled with ideas by other community members who use (or have previously used) self harm as a negative coping strategy.
 
Thanks again for reaching out here. Please know that you are not alone and that there is support available. Hopefully a few of our members will be by over the next few days to welcome you and perhaps offer some words of advice. 

[geoff]

Hello Novaa, and a warm welcome to the forums and pleased you have contacted us because it's sad to hear of your particular circumstances and what has been happening to you.

It's not pleasant when you try and reach out for help but afraid to because of how your father treats you, especially when an attempt to carry out an act to try and get the love that your not getting makes your life feel even worse, that's certainly not what we want you to feel like and want to help you.

Your S/O (significant other??)wants you to move out, so is this at all possible, because once you're away from your father then you can begin to heal as it appears as though you are misunderstood and not appreciated and feel isolated, this can certainly be overwhelming.

What you need are people to be sincere, so let's try and help you.

The money they are asking from you seems to be unreasonable and wondered whether you had thought of an apprenticeship, this could provide you with skills and eventually a qualified certificate while earning some money, which would then allow you to move out and interdependent.

Please look after yourself, that's so important for your own wellbeing, where you will be able to move forward at your own pace.

We are here to listen and answer any questions you may want to ask.

Take care.

Geoff.