Help please with first date

[Elsam]

I met a wonderful guy and fell in love with him at first sight when I saw him on an online dating site, I am totally smitten with this man.

Our first date was a dinner date at a beautiful restaurant and after dinner he invited me back to his place.

He got the red wine out and then we became intimate and I spent the night with him.

He sent me a video during the week and we had a couple of messages between us, then stupid me sent this message this afternoon.

Hope you are well
and had a nice weekend...
I can’t help but feel you were trying to tell me something through the Swiss video?
I feel so disappointed, as we had so much in common and could have a great time together.
I think you were great, I respect you and wanted to get to know you as a friend...
Mary xx

I have been having huge anxiety attacks over this, he replied this evening:

Sorry been really busy, and wrapping up things before I leave. No, there wasn't a "hidden" message in the video, I wouldn't do that. Things went very fast during our first rendez-vous and thats unlike me tho!
Hope you had a nice weekend and no Monday Blues today!

How do I reply to this message from him without scaring him off, but at the same time I want to tell him I am attracted to him and would love to see him again.

This whole dating game is new to me as I was married for 25 years

Thank you in advance

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, and thanks.

When you see him, that's exactly what you will be saying to him, so do it now, you might as well see what his reaction is and how he responds back to you, I know you'll be jumping up and down with great anticipation, just try and remember the time delay.

Hopefully, he is as compassionate as you are, but he may be a little timid in expressing himself so try and give him a little grace, and I say this because two people express looking at a beautiful view differently, one person engorged with the awe of it and the other not so expressive, but send it off to him and let us know, good luck.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Elsam]

I’m dying here, I don’t know what to do and I feel sick with anxiety. It is not fair!!

All this time he has kept in contact, messaging and he sent photos on Monday and Thursday.

I always respond to his photos in a nice exciting way and say wow! gorgeous photos or stunning photos!

So I decided to send a nice photo of myself and a quote saying “Can’t wait to see you again”

No response from him at all and have seen him online. 😢

I even asked the question:

Are you able to return to AUS with this lockdown?

Again, no response!!!

I am starting to feel quite disappointed and upset that he has carried this on for 3 mths....

I don’t get where his intentions are and I am scared to even send a message asking how he is.

He told me he would be leaving the country where he is on the 14th July which is in a couple of days but I am not even sure now and I feel I can’t ask again.

He was the one saying things moved very fast but he was the one that invited me back to his house after dinner.

Now I feel as though he is just misleading me..... ☹️

I don’t know what to do now or what to say.
I have asked questions in a nice way and he has just ignored me

I don’t get why he would continue to send photos of he is not interested

I hate these mind games

I am so scared of losing him and feel like he is drifting away.... ☹️

[Elsam]

Am I overthinking everything or am I right in how I am feeling.

I am feeling so disappointed and disheartened but don’t know what his intentions are....

[Hanna3]

Hi Elsam,

I am sorry you haven't had anyone respond to you in the last couple of days.

I think you need to just go on with your life keeping busy and seeing the friends you have. It seems to me that everything is on this man's terms. Whether or not he finally comes good, do make sure you have a life of your own.

This will help buffer you against too much hurt if/when things go wrong.

Please do be careful with online dating. Going to his home when you didn't know him alarms me, you didn't know if he was safe.

I hope things work out for you. Best wishes. 🌸🌿

[Elsam]

Hi @Hanna3

Thank you for the kind message, no need to apologise for lack of responses!

Yes, I am so scared of getting hurt!!

I cannot think of anyone or anything else apart from him

I have received messages from my man on Monday!
He responded to my photo and said Nice!

He also asked how the lockdown is treating me which I thought was nice of him to ask.

Where I sent the quote:

“Can’t wait to see you again”

He responded by saying:

I am flying back Wednesday night but I will be locked into Hotel Quarantine before being released.

Would he tell me this if he was not going to see me again??
He doesn’t have to tell me his movements!!

There must be some connection/interest there from him otherwise he would not respond at all if he had lost interest.

He doesn’t have to respond does he and I am not asking him to respond...,

That must be a good sign!

Hopefully I get to see him again as I need to tell him how I feel about him....

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, at the moment he's locked away in Hotel Quarantine and although this is very important coming back to Australia it must be annoying, so he doesn't know what his next move will be or what he's allowed to do and as he's a quiet person he might not feel he can tell you as he may have anxiety.

He knows how you feel about him and I'm sure he's wrapped but he can't do anything until he's allowed out, I know this doesn't stop him from talking with you, but you can't do anything until he organises a meeting, the ball is in his court, sorry.

Geoff.

[Elsam]

Hi friends and Geoff

My man arrived back in Sydney this morning and straight to hotel quarantine for 2 weeks.

He sent me some beautiful photos flying back in over the city at Sunrise.

I sent him some nice messages:

Wow! Nice 🧡
Hope you are ok, it’s hard leaving family behind xxx
Welcome home xxx

No response from him as yet and I have seen him online 🥺

I have had terrible anxiety over him today and this evening that I had to sleep so I could stop thinking.

I feel he is very hot and cold but still wants to keep in contact, maybe because he said Hope to reconnect when I am back.

I just don’t know if I am ever going to see him again and scared that I am not going to see him again but I can’t walk away either.

When I asked him in June if he still wanted to keep in contact he replied and was communicating really well and even sent me the photo with his daughter.

Maybe I just need to be patient but I am feeling disheartened all the time as much as I love this man.

Maybe I need to give him time but how much time??? I don’t want to give him time until he drifts away....

Maybe now he is back from holidays and will be back to a normal life in 2 weeks after quarantine he will change I don’t know.

I feel like I am hanging on to hope and constantly hoping he will be my true love.

I really don’t understand why he would be bothering to keep in contact even by sending photos if he is not interested or not wanting to see me again

He has not told me definitely that we are going to see each other again so I am just here holding on trying to keep the communication going with him

When he said he hopes to reconnect when he is back, I just hope he remembers his words.

He must think about me because he always responds with a message or photos 24-48 hrs later.

I don’t want him to drag this on forever until I get hurt but I cannot walk away either.

I feel I cannot ask him again does he want to keep in contact as he has been keeping in contact just not in the way I would like.

I am hoping he will become more engaging now that he is back

Damn! this Covid with him being in quarantine and us in lockdown. I don’t even know when we will be able to see each other again anyway

[Elsam]

I just wish he would “ghost” me and get me out of my misery!!

Maybe he just doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions

I can’t keep trying and not getting anything from him apart from photos and an odd message here and there

I don’t know what to do

How do I get to the bottom of this ??

Is there a nice way to go about this without scaring him off ???

Maybe I just need to give him time while he is in quarantine to get his thoughts together and get back to normal life

He has had since the 1st May to get his thoughts together, he is a very intelligent man.

I don’t know why and if he is playing games ???

Why keep dragging this on if he has no intentions of seeing me.

I just wish he would give me a straight answer

[geoff]

Hello Elsam, if he did ghost you it would only devastate you because when you don't hear back from him that's when you panic, but he does communicate with you when he's able to and no straight back as you had wished for.

It's like asking somebody a question, you hope they will give you an answer right away, but many times they need to think about how they will tell you or what they're going to say because if you push another person into making a rushed decision, then, in the long run, it could be what they wished they hadn't said, remember he works in a business where important decisions need to be made and some require logic, time on how to respond.

From what you've said and whatever he does send you, it does seem he wants to see you, so try not to push him too hard, just imagine what the two of you could do together.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Hanna3]

Hi Elsam,

Dear lady you do worry me! You have so much invested in this man and you know so little about him. Please be careful of yourself!

I would feel better if you had had regular conversations with him but you haven't mentioned any.

I hope this turns out well for you I truly do, but I am anxious for you.

I worry he might be breadcrumbing you... or else that he might see you again but just because he wants the sex, and then he'll hurt you again. He didn't meet up with you again before he went away did he?

So I worry!

Please try to guard your heart!

Look up breadcrumbing because it sounds awfully similar... I do hope that's not what he's doing...

I hope everything works out for you but do please be careful of your feelings.

If you meet up with him again try to learn more about him and make sure he is going to be kind to you.

Wishing you all the best! But do be careful!