help me with my options, relationship issues

batman0504 · ‎10-04-2018

Hi there,

im new to this i have literally nowhere else to go or anyone to help. i have been in a relationship for almost 6 years, im engaged. our relationship has been a rocky one as have only really been with each other and nobody else. over the years we have had some amazing times and horrible times, she has had a rough upbringing which has taken its toll on her and a very very bad parent that controls her life even post 21 years of age, this controlling effects her profusely and through her effects me too, we have been trying to move out so we can try and live a life of our own and test the waters as i cant handle it anymore. she is on a similar boat but she also feels guilt towards abaonding her family despite their actions and carelessness towards her. we recently had a sizable arguement regarding our future she has come around and is trying to put in the effort to continue on however im feeling quite scarred and damaged from this and all the previous 5 years of arguements that its starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth towards her which i know isnt her fault but im starting to contemplate if our relationship really is what i want or is the right thing to push for.

ontop of this i have a best friend that i have known longer than my partner who happens to be female and gets along no worries with my partner. however previous to meeting my partner i had a crush on this friend and i decided that it wouldnt ever happen and i should move on, fast forward 6 years to present day and recently its come to my realisation that i am not over that crush, long story short my best friend fits my life better than my partner ever could and i have her almost on par or higher on my priority list for personal reasons not associated with being madly in love with her. im trying to decide if this is a phase and i can live with the crush buried in my head and push through with my relationship or if i should call it quits be single and wonder what could have been and/or sit and wait to see if my best friend ever comes around and confesses some unknown love for me that im not aware of. this friend of mine genuinely makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world and brings me more happiness than my partner ever could dream of. i know this sounds all quite bad but please dont judge me i cant control what i feel. i love both of them but on different levels and i am at wits end with what i should do. 😞

batman0504 · ‎12-04-2018

Hi White Knight,

glad you got to meet me finally, il let alfred know.

thanks for your support and advice, and i agree and understand, and i think the issue is she is able to jump to a conclusion and say lets move out but with time she falls back into the rut and routine, when things settle down she's quite guilt driven because her mum has brought her up like that, her mum is far from a mother/parent figure. so she's always tied back down also because she has siblings that she doesnt want to lose her mum is able to control her through them too..

as for my friend i understand what you are saying however its definitely not a crush, its been with me for well over 7 years now and in my eyes she's been my soulmate but due to circumstances its not really quite do able so it is how it is.

i think i will just steady it out for a week or two and see how things go and really speak it out with my partner and see if i can gauge common ground with a future and questions regarding that,

and Chloe, thankyou for your efforts also i really do appreciate it you words and help has definitely made me feel less isolated !! my day was okay, hope yours was good too

Chloe_M · ‎12-04-2018

Haha, nice one! Tell Mr Pennyworth I said hello 😉

Also, you're welcome. I'm glad that I have done something to help. I see that you have mentioned you are going to steady out for a week or two- does this mean you have a plan? Or the beginnings of one?

Hope all goes well with your partner

Chloe 🙂

batman0504 · ‎12-04-2018

i don't really have a plan so to speak. i think first on the agenda is i need to sit down with my partner for some ground rules and i guess things i can and cannot accept going forward. thats about the only plan i have so far, so when i have gotten past that, if i get past that then il be back and let you know how it went

Chloe_M · ‎12-04-2018

Ok, that sounds good. Let me know how it goes 🙂

batman0504 · ‎23-04-2018

Hi Chloe_M

thought id tell you how things are going. theyre not so to speak, we sat down laid ground rules and thats all well and good now, but im still dealing with my own issue of feelings towards her and towards my friend, the feelings i have towards my best friend are too strong to trump. so at the moment im just sailing by each and everyday trying to buy myself more time in hope something will sway me one way or the other. its not something i can choose between - not easily anyway. im too stubborn to be forced to choose i run more on the lines of fate and how things pan out, at somestage something has to give and give me an obvious push in the right direction. everytime it feels ok between me and my partner and i think i can do this or least give it a shot my friend crosses my mind and it reminds me that im not sure if i can or not cause i dont want to find out later down the track i cant deal with it and have to leave my partner because the feelings are too strong - if that makes sense. so im feeling a little more social just i still ahve the demons in my head im battling 😞

Chloe_M · ‎23-04-2018

Hey batman glad you stopped by. Was thinking about you the other day, wondering how you were going. Was a little relieved to see your name in my new threads.

So it seems like you are going okay, even though as you say you are battling your demons. Your stubbornness is a good thing- you are not going to give up easily on either of them. And it does make sense.

good to see you again, take care xx

chloe

batman0504 · ‎26-04-2018

thought i would give you an update, things arent good, im not further in this than before. my partner is putting ina great deal of effort to try and make this work, obviously she doesnt know the entire story of whats going on in my head. everytime i think i might be able to push on and continue in my relationship ideas cross my mind of my friend and the endless possiblities not to mention how much happier they make me and then it pushes me back into a rut. and i cant manage to get out of it. is my only option to leave my relationship? or will it get easier and i can push on? is there ever going to be any form of sign thats going to get my options moving and out of this rut or am i destined to sit here till i cant do anything anymore or someone around me walks away 😕

Chloe_M · ‎27-04-2018

Hi, good to see you again. Your situation is a tricky one- by choosing one you lose the other. I don't know what you should do, I don't want to pressure you into doing something you feel isn't right. So I would say go with your gut, and if your gut says do nothing for now, then do nothing.

Im sorry I really don't know how to help, but I can support you. I will support whatever decision you make.

Sending strength

Chloe

batman0504 · ‎30-04-2018

i guess i have a decision in my gut or heart, but its not strong enough i keep doubting it. so i guess i have been waiting for a push in the right direction but havent had one yet so to speak. without a push or sign i dont really want to go with any direction yet 😕 its been a good 3 or so weeks now maybe more i dont know how much longer i can go on for

Chloe_M · ‎30-04-2018

Hey there,

Can i ask, what is this decision that isn't strong enough yet? You don't have to answer, but I won't judge whatever you say if you choose to answer.

Maybe you need to be the one to 'push'. Maybe arrange something with your partner and your friend, I remember you saying they get along well. Make advances at improving both relationships, romantic and friendly, see where it takes you. Just a thought.

Stay strong... You will get through this and I'm by your side xx

chloe