help me with my options, relationship issues

[batman0504]

Hi there,

im new to this i have literally nowhere else to go or anyone to help. i have been in a relationship for almost 6 years, im engaged. our relationship has been a rocky one as have only really been with each other and nobody else. over the years we have had some amazing times and horrible times, she has had a rough upbringing which has taken its toll on her and a very very bad parent that controls her life even post 21 years of age, this controlling effects her profusely and through her effects me too, we have been trying to move out so we can try and live a life of our own and test the waters as i cant handle it anymore. she is on a similar boat but she also feels guilt towards abaonding her family despite their actions and carelessness towards her. we recently had a sizable arguement regarding our future she has come around and is trying to put in the effort to continue on however im feeling quite scarred and damaged from this and all the previous 5 years of arguements that its starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth towards her which i know isnt her fault but im starting to contemplate if our relationship really is what i want or is the right thing to push for.

ontop of this i have a best friend that i have known longer than my partner who happens to be female and gets along no worries with my partner. however previous to meeting my partner i had a crush on this friend and i decided that it wouldnt ever happen and i should move on, fast forward 6 years to present day and recently its come to my realisation that i am not over that crush, long story short my best friend fits my life better than my partner ever could and i have her almost on par or higher on my priority list for personal reasons not associated with being madly in love with her. im trying to decide if this is a phase and i can live with the crush buried in my head and push through with my relationship or if i should call it quits be single and wonder what could have been and/or sit and wait to see if my best friend ever comes around and confesses some unknown love for me that im not aware of. this friend of mine genuinely makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world and brings me more happiness than my partner ever could dream of. i know this sounds all quite bad but please dont judge me i cant control what i feel. i love both of them but on different levels and i am at wits end with what i should do. 😞

[batman0504]

Hi,

no thats more than okay, everyones got their own lifes to live its not about being glued to a computer!. um. good and bad? i had my first proper breakdown last weekend the entire weekend i spent isolated at home. i have been lucky enough to see her pretty frequently pretty often almost every second day as far as our intereaction goes its been fantastic. we both still show eachother effort and care and support. i have been struggling to deal with 2 things, 1 being that at some stage i have to come clean to her and tell her how i feel and everything that goes along with that and the 2nd being that ihave never been a jealous person or anything of the sort but the way i feel towards her is like nothing i ever experienced before not even in my long term relationship. so its hard to hear certain things or know her hanging out with friends who are guys, which is silly on my behalf but i guess from my point of view i dont know whats in the future for either of us and im ultimately afraid one day she'll tell me about someone she likes and it'l destroy me

[batman0504]

In case your still around thought id post a update, so my ex partner went to the trouble of letting my friend know how i feel about her, the good part was my friend took my side and saw that my ex was trying to stir the pot so that was good, the bad part was coucelling and everyone ( 2 friends) said you have to come clean and i thought this was the right time so i partially came clean telling her without physically using the words, i was leading up to it but she cut me off cause she knew where i was going with it. things have been okay since we chat it out and she knows i cant help the way i feel and that im not going to persue it or anything she didnt say why shed not be interested in me in that way other than if we were gonna get together it would have happened along time ago, which i disagree with cause we knew each other poorly for a small amount of time then we were both in relationships. this year has been like re meeting each other all over again. she said that shed usually distance herself from someone for awhile in a position like this but she cant distance herself from me so for now dont complement her on her looks or anything cause it makes her feel awkward. i have been mentally the worst i ever been as i keep freaking out that things will change between us and we wont be as close. so far nothings changed and its been a week. but it still gives me anxiety. im trying to come to terms with it all and i kinda can but soon as i do i freak out things might change between us or i freak out that shes gonna find someone and theyre gonna be someone who doesnt fit the criteria as good as i do fact wise and then im gonna lose my mind and be like how can they qualify and i dont. at the moment im living day by day and trying to be hopeful and have faith and positivity but its so hard when it feels like odds are against you. everyone says things will get better and easier you gotta go through full pain first before pleasure but how much longer am i to be on trial for? and when is it my time to properly win for once? i need small wins here and there to maintain my positivity and im struggling.. hard...

[Chloe_M]

Hi,

Firstly I want to apologise... i have been off the forums for almost a month now 😕

I am very sorry about what has happened, and wish i could have replied sooner. Ultimately, you telling her how you feel about her would have eventually come out. Its quite unfortunate that things played out the way they did.

Can i ask, do you feel your relationship with her has been affected overly in any way? I understand that it must have but specifics would be good.

Im in the middle of an assignment and have a lot on my mind so i need to go, i hope you see this soon. I will not be around much because of my dance company commitments and assignments, but i will try and check periodically for replies and get back to you asap.

Take care of yourself,

Im feeling horrible atm too youre not alone here

Chloe

[batman0504]

Hi,

thats okay again everyone has their own lives to live. she couldnt have tried harder to reassure me that it wouldnt effect anything at all, furthermore she went as far as telling my ex partner shed be dreaming if she thought that it would effect me and her. i dont feel like things have changed at all between us except i know that she sees another friend of hers quite a bit who i think shes got a casual thing with if anything so thats probably whats destroying me the most. shes not aware i know i just put two and two together. at the end of the day i just want her in my life as hard as that is to say. i dont see any other options i dont want to live a life without her around. its just hard, im struggling to cope but i need to put a brave face on for her as if she knew the pain i was going through it would 100% cause damage to our interaction. im currently trialling st johns wort tablets to try and cope with my anxiety as if i can get the anxiety under control then it means its just the pain and sorrow that i need to deal with. failing this i have also been prescribed anti anxiety medicine which i rather not take yet. at the moment im just trying to survive and keep things as they are. i guess its really just something only time will tell i guess i just hope that it pays off. all my life i have tried to be a good person do the right thing always help and be selfless so to speak. they say good comes to those who wait. so im hoping that that is true i guess ultimately. because my heart is getting tired and i am getting run down and im out of options now.

i am sorry to hear you are feeling horrible 😞