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He reacts with anger to my depression

Community Member

This morning I just couldn't wake up. I had my 3 year old on top of me trying to get me out of bed and the 6 year old doing his own thing. It was still over an hour until we had to leave for school. My partner was trying to get up and get ready for work but was so frustrated with what was going on. I guess he felt I should be up and chirpy and getting kids breakfast.

I find it harder at the moment because I'm on a new medication as well.

Rather than help or show any kind of empathy or understanding he just kept ordering me to get up in a horrible voice and then left without saying goodbye and slammed the door really loudly.

When I already have depression this kind of thing spirals me into a worse frame of mind and affects the whole day.

I have spoken to him about it in the past but he still just gets so angry when I'm not coping. I know he restrained himself this morning. It has been worse in the past.

Wondering if anyone else has similar issues.

8 Replies 8

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Elsie

I have had similar experiences but not as harsh. My partner just says I should get over it, and does not understand mental health issues....it is all a crock of....... according to her.

Well it is not. I understand where you are coming from. Maybe you could suggest your husband look at the Supporting someone with Depression and Anxiety link below, or maybe even print off the document/s from there and give them to him to read, and talk to you about it. Furthermore, would he be willing for both of you to seek an appointment with a doctor and/or counsellor to help develop some joint coping and sharing mechanisms?

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Elsie, it's so hard to try and explain to others that this new medication you are now taking isn't agreeing with you or perhaps it's having other affects much different than before.
Isn't he capable of making the kids breakfast, surely it wouldn't be too much for him, knowing that you are struggling with depression.
There is a concern that I'm worried about and that's I hope he doesn't get physical with you when you don't do something, I say this because of comments you have made.
It seems as though he is getting more inpatient with you and doesn't understand what this illness is capable of doing, so that's a concern, because when you want to talk about it he doesn't realise what medication and especially depression has the power to control you.
I just wonder how you feel about your marriage. Geoff.

Community Member
No, he's never gotten angry in the physical sense. He often makes the kids breakfast on the weekends but it's very difficult in the mornings as he has to be up and leaving so early. I can understand you asking after rereading my post. He is just very wound up in his own stress a lot of the time and doesn't have the patience to stop and think. I will print out some info to give him. That would be better than sending him computer links.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Elsie

Great action plan you have started. Also was thinking, when you are on top of things, presumably later in the day or evening, is it worth trying to pre-prepare meals for the next day? I might have mis-read your posting but I got a sense you do have some active period later in the day where you are not as tied up or disabled by the medication or sense of depression or anxiety.

Community Member

Hi Elsie,

Sounds like a horrible situation. I have a wife and young child and would hate to think that is how my wife she's me.

Perhaps you could consider getting the support of one of your family members, either your side or his, to either help you out while you get used to this new medication. If things get worse, you could also ask this family member to help discuss the situation with your husband. Also, you don't necessarily now the pressures he is going through so maybe just try and discuss the situation again and explain that he can't keep getting angry all the time.

Good luck.


Hi elsie

I hope that Monday treated you well. Did the extra planning help you cope better.

i have dr appt this arvo, (for neck problem ) so will have to shower and get out the door today. Then do shopping, cos even I have been hungry. I will likely spend the next few hrs stressing about it.

Lee x

Hi All, hope the shopping was successful Lee. Man, I hate shopping. It's very difficult for me. When I was by myself it was only my nicotine addiction that would get me out the door and to the shops and the food was a secondary item to that. If it wasn't for having to go to the shops for cigs, I probably would have starved! Now I've got my partner who does most of the shopping despite working every day. I didn't want to make it sound like some kind of dv situation because it's not. I think if us folks with depression get angry and frustrated with ourselves for our seemingly irrational worries then it's understandable our partners might too. I got through all three days of teaching this week! Planning (which is very much out of character for me) definately helped. Plus a tip from my Mum (also a teacher) Smile! The old fake it till you make it is still a good one. Great to have this forum to check in on too. Will definately use this as an added support regularly. When I was in hospital we used to refer to something called "courtyard therepy" as most of the patients spent the day in the hospital courtyard chatting. It was often as thereputic as talking to the doctors etc. Thanks all.


Hi C,

I'm so happy to hear you got through work...sounds as if you caned it, haha. So I hope you are planning for this week. I know what a pain it is to do that, but the rewards are worth it! I can't talk. I am exactly as you described re getting out to go shopping atm. Ditto the cancer sticks. (tryyying to kick it, as ever). My son's father (no longer partner, but he's here all the time) is 'enabling' me by doing shopping etc. He'll keep doing it cos I pay for food, so it works for him. It is one of reasons we are not together, but I just let it go atm, cos I guess its working for me now. I am feeling better in myself, but sad to say I didn't make it shopping, I ended up rebooking appt for next week, so I MUST go then. Part of reluctance is distance...1hr away, plus I end up seeing too many people in shop...'how are you, yadayada'. I just dont want to do it. I dont think I'd have a problem in a bigger place...5min or even 20min to shop, how great. Plus relative anonimity, just small talk with checkout person would be a relief. So might not be depression keeping me in, just sick of this place. My son in yr 11, so GOTTA get thru 2 more yrs, somehow. Grin and bear it? It is great that your mum is 'there' for you. I will take her advice, rather than grin thru clenched teeth, I will try and smile, much easier!

I hope your weeks keep getting easier and better. I will make it out this week, cos I have to, no choice so that usually works! Agree about the courtyard therapy. I got a warm rush when I saw that you DID IT! Keep on rolling. We WILL get there, just taking the long and winding road, which is much better than a straight, concrete expressway!