having feelings for someone while your in a committed relationship

[mechanical_animal]

Hi my first post.

I've been battling depression since i was 17 years old, been on and off meds for years. I am now 32 years old.

I feel bad about this. I've been in a committed relationship with my fiancee for 7 years! we have a daughter that is a year old that I really love very much. I've had a fair bit of bad luck this year. I usually talk to people i know to help me with issues (of late I think I'm annoying people by doing this) This time however I am not game to tell anyone I know. We have this friend and I have kinda become infatuated with her 😞 she is a nice chick but i don't want to lose her as a friend or lose my missus or daughter either. I don't think I could could cheat on my missus. I just wish these feelings would go away!! If i tell my missus this. I don't know how she would take it. I love her but i am just over fighting with feelings all the time. I don't want her out of my life either. If i tell this girl how i feel then I'm sure that gets to my missus also. I just wish there was someway to turn all of this off. you know. especially when this girl is on my mind lots. it's so sad that now when I'm on facebook. I look to see her online or like something i have posted or commented on. I hope someone has some advice on what to do??? I've been trying for so long to make improvments on myself but something silly like this comes along and throws me back to square one

[Archie2016]

There is no chance to save it, she is in a new relationship. I accept my marriage is over however only want to remain a part of my childrens lives, which at the moment isn't happening as she is refusing me access. We were married for 16 years and now she has become a complete stranger to me.

Unfortunately the only resolution now is going to be family court.

[pipsy]

Hi Archie. The refusal to allow access is her continuing to punish you for the betrayal. Once you take this to family court, she will have to abide by the rules, one of which should be reasonable access. If she disobeys, she could face contempt charges. You betrayed her, you did not physically harm her or the children. I don't think she has ground for arguing access. The laws regarding access have altered as the courts now recognize fathers should have equal rights and children need their fathers active in their lives. You may be granted shared custody.

Lynda

[159357]

Think about what you would do if you loved someone a lot and treasured them more than anything else and they left you for someone else after 7 years?? Think about the effects of it and don't give yourself the excuse of 'i didn't want them to feel bad' or something ridiculous and unrealistic like that.

[Warney1967]

Hi I could do with some help , I've been engaged to my wonderful fiancé for two and a half years and well the spark just isn't there , I'm not sexually attracted to her and even if she lost weight I still wouldn't be , she's the best person I've ever met and covers most bases for me but there's something missing and she wanted me to find what it was. Long story short , I have a friend I've chatted to in Canberra I'm in Melbourne for 6 months and we get along great and are excited to chat to one another. My fiancé mentioned an open relationship maybe might be an answer and I told her I don't want that but I have a friend I'd like to explore unfulfilled desires with , so she agreed to a meeting which happened a couple of weeks ago and was the best night of both our lives , we got along way better than we thought we would and well that's the dilemma , now I'm confused as to what or who I want

[159357]

read my above post. Make sure you're both willing to make the relationship work. Putting effort in might be the way to encourage love.

Though i have no experience with the leisure of jumping from person to person.

Also, maybe create your own thread to make it easier to find as this site (afaik) doesnt have a notification system.

[pipsy]

Hi Warney. I'm not sure exactly what it is you want. You're engaged but seem to want an affair - only for you. You vetoed 'open relationship', but you're quite happy to enjoy a one night encounter. You said you're not 'attracted' to your fiancé, why are you still engaged if the 'spark' isn't there? From the way your post reads, I feel perhaps marriage/commitment is not you - yet. Do you think perhaps separating from your fiancé till you decide what you want might be beneficial. I am not into marriage myself, I prefer to live alone. If you feel separation would hurt your fiancé, think how she is going to feel if she discovers your desire for one night encounters. Telling her isn't going to make her feel any happier or secure. You've had one night with someone else, you may do the same thing again, hardly a basis for a happy marriage.

Lynda