Half a decade break up

Tirion

Hey everyone,

I am new to this and gathered I would give this a go. About 4 weeks ago my girlfriend of almost 5 years broke up with me, this was due to an intense mental health crisis I responded to poorly.

You see I live with type 2 ASD and BPD, 2025 I spent in and out of psychiatric hospitals getting treatment. End of OCT 25 there was a rift in my family home, my mother's dog got rough with my cat, which we caught on our cat camera. I instigated a conversation with her during a home visit (I was in a psychiatric hospital at the time), this blew out of proportion due to her own instabilities and she evicted my partner and I from my family home.

My partner had to reconnect to her narcissistic mother for help as my mother wanted everything out within a day or two - I was unable to be discharged due to my condition. This situation broke my foundation and shattered my sense of self, my partner and I both went down hill and situations got worse moving into her mother's home.

I got extremely unwell to a point my personality snapped and I feel into a distructive decision that in a normal day to day is not part of something I do. I created an inappropriate add on a site for a massage service and interacted with different people, one in particular I provided my personal mobile to- it got out of hand quickly and lead to a few days of chats, photos and making plans.

This was found while I was in the shower after a late night at work as we both leave out phones open to one another. I cheated during what was my lowest point and have been in and out of termoil since. She was my life partner and my mental health got to a point that ruined the one thing that made me happy. I did seek help during this and even before it got to this point, unfortunately the help failed to support me and I was left with myself.

I did however book a psychiatrist session before anything was out, I was a week away from receiving that help. I still underwent it and it has made such a huge difference on my life...she tried me on a new medication that I have needed for so long. I have been struggling with this knowledge as we cannot take back certain actions.

My now ex was my whole world, going through life without her is the hardest thing I have experienced. I have trouble making friends and the area I live is her hometown. My strongest struggle is not having someone to talk to everyday, living alone and losing my biggest support.

Sophie_M

Hi there, Thank you for sharing all of this so openly. You have been through an incredibly intense and painful period, with so many things happening at once.

It makes sense that you’re grieving not just the relationship itself, but also the daily connection, support, and sense of stability that came with it. That kind of loss can leave a big gap, especially when you’re already feeling isolated.

It also sounds like you’ve spent some time reflecting on what happened, and how unwell you were at the time. While that doesn’t take away the impact of what happened, it does show insight and a desire to understand yourself better, which is an important part of moving forward.

It’s really positive to hear that you’ve connected in with a psychiatrist and that the new support is starting to make a difference. Having the right support in place can be such an important foundation, especially when things have felt so unstable. Right now, it might help to focus on small steps, rebuilding some sense of routine, finding safe ways to connect with others (even if that feels difficult), and continuing to lean into the professional support you’ve started. Know you don’t have to figure everything out at once.

If things feel particularly heavy at times, you’re always welcome to reach out to the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. You don’t have to go through this alone.

We’re really glad you reached out here, you’re welcome to keep sharing as you navigate this.

Kind regards,
Sophie M