Frienship issues

[sd_xx05]

hi everyone, im currently a high schooler in australia and i just wanted to let something off my chest that i have been keeping in for quite a while. i honestly feel so lonely. lonely, to a point where i think my life is just useless. i just joined a new school at the start of this year and i feel like its been the worst decision ever. i hang out with 2 people from my class during class times. other than that, i have a few friends here and there but not close friends. so the 2 other girls in my class who sit with honestly seem so happy with each other and its like whenever i try to join they stop enjoying. i feel like they ignore me constantly. i dont know if the ignoring is intentional or accidental, but whatever it is i feel like the person on the sidewalk. im starting to blame it on myself by thinking that their is something wrong with my looks or personality which might be the reason they ignore me. but truthfully speaking, i have never been rude to them or ignored them and have always helped them out and have been kind. i feel like they dont want me to be with them anymore but i dont have any other friends in my class.  theres honeslty much more to the story and i have friend issues with other people as well but this is probably the main one. i always think people are jjust friends with me for the sake of it and thats a reason i feel left out. like, i see people laughing and similing with their friends and i just wish it was like that for me. my parents dont know much about this and i dont plan on telling them as they would probably think what im thinking is useless. i know this is not a major problem but i really needed to let this out and thought this would be the best way to. 

[Bob_22]

Hi sd,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out here. It is great that you have shared here and you are right in saying that this an amazing space to let stuff out. I'm sorry to hear that changing schools has been difficult and that you're having issues with your friends at the moment. Changing schools can be quite stressful, not only due to the changing environment/routine but change in social circles. Unfortunately it can take some time for new students to find their place in the existing social environment and have other students warm up to them. It sounds like that is the stage you are in  at the moment. I would recommend having some patience and in the meantime do your best to be your authentic self but I understand that is easier said than done. If there are any extra-curricular activities that you are interested in I would encourage you to join them. They are a great way to cement friendships and build your confidence.

Although it is not entirely relevant there are some tips on the headspace site about transitioning out of high school which might be helpful too: https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/for-young-people/leaving-secondary-school/

Bob

[Nightalks]

Hi sd. 

So it's been years since it was at high school. I was just like you.  Didn't seem to have  No close ones. Not like everyone else had. I hated feeling lonely. It was really bad and I would have given anything to fit in. Looking back I can see, firstly I was poor, at school where most were not. I was intellectual at a school where the focus was on sport and athleticism. Although I wasn't unattractive I wasn't one of the super beautiful ones, and although I was funny it was only those who got sarcastic humour that laughed. I would have given anything to not be lonely or weird. I'm sure there is someone in your year or school that is just like me.  I had some small success with fitting in by forgetting about looking for friendship. I have up focussing on that. That I reasoned was never going to work.  For me, it was a case of focussing on myself. I started working out, and joined in with sporting things and school clubs. I didn't go chasing friendship, just the common interests (I didn't think I had many in the beginning). I'll be honest here. It sucked starting that out. I didn't know anyone, everyone thought I was a weird a loser, etc. Had to just ride that out. Smile,be pleasant, and above all really really listen to people. Be interested in what they were saying try to see things from their side. Little by little a few people became closer to me than others had. I was still a weird loser. 🤣. But I wasn't on my own as much. Friendships are hard don't get me wrong. This won't be easy, but there is another side to this and you will get through it. And guess what you're not alone. I guarantee there are at least 5 people in your year that are in the same thinking as you, even if it doesn't show on the surface. All I can say is start changing you. Focus on you. Get involved with groups at school and chase that common interest. The friendships will follow that. And remember this. You're not useless or worthless You're you. You have value to others and more importantly to yourself. You owe it to yourself to get involved. It's high school. There is a world beyond where the things you can teach yourself now about friendship and relationships will serve you forever. I know from experience, lots of painful experience. I never knew where I would end up when i was in high school.  But today, Im a senior government lawyer. No idea i was going to end up here, back then. You never know what heights you'll reach. Anyway my point is don't guve up on yourself. You have the brains and energy to do this. The freinds you have now may not, and probably won't be the ones you end up with. And sure you'll feel lonely from time to time but you'll know how to get past it. And in reality you're never actually alone in this, there are others just like you at you're school. Hope you can start doing things different from today. Good luck. And don't give up. 😊

[sd_xx05]

Thank you so much

[sd_xx05]

Thank you so much. I honestly didn't think anyone was gonna reply to this post but I'm really thankful you did. Thanks a lot 🙂

[Nightalks]

My pleasure.  I hope you were able to get some changes happening. Always here if you run out of ideas.  🙂