Friendship Mass Exodus

[The_Possum]

This is my life right now. Relationships falling apart everywhere. There's some saying that, when times are tough your true friends are revealed. Well.. Clearly I have none.

My closest friend since school, is constantly harassing me or saying horrible things about my situation.

Another friend is accusing me of been mean and that I owe her an apology for something that I've done nothing wrong. Again this is another 15+ friendship. She also likes trivialising all my problems. I should get over it.

My corporate group of friends are all dwindling off because I no longer work. So I'm too lowly for them. I also don't have the disposable income to keep up with their social activities.

I have a psychologist accuse me of been OCD when I'm not, & ended up having my psychiatrist assess me to make sure. Even he thought the whole thing was bizzare. She didn't take too kindly to that & I don't feel comfortable seeing her now.

My GP of years that I trusted so much and admired really, I think is trying to remove my mother from my life so she can step in..

I have no friends lol The first time in my entire life to say this, but I really don't.

It's depressing to me. Should I try to salvage any of these relationship or start over?

Has anyone else lost all their friends during difficult times?

[aegidius]

Realised some time ago that I had a lot of friends once ... thinking back, when I was younger I had several overlapping social circles. Hung out with many different people. Then one day I woke up and got that I was not really part of any of them - I was just being a vampire and sucking their energy away. I just pulled the plug and stopped seeing them. Silence ensued - not a phone call, not a visit, nothing. Obviously I didn't mean squat to that crowd. Slowly built up a better understanding of who really cared (not many!) and who was just on the surface, over the years that followed.

[clownartist]

Hi aegidius,

Welcome ,I have spent years fostering friendship only to realise they were the vampires .

One of my favourite movies Cool Hand Luke has the line 'Stop feeding off me ' and when you outlive your usefully capacity silence does ensue and I am suffering the same no phone calls no visits.I feel like I have the ebola virus .

I think you were not the vampire and unfortunately not many do actually care for us ,only themselves CA

[aegidius]

Thanks CA - I saw myself as the vampire because I was not giving them anything they wanted, not pulling my weight in the relationship so to speak. Of course that implies an assumption that they were being fair and reasonable, which is far from the case. But I can't tell that upfront, only with hindsight. I find it all too easy to beat myself up for "not being interesting enough" when I'm actually shooting for impossible goals.

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

My goodness I'm glad I saw this thread today this is exactly what's on my mind. Am I worth being friends with?

I'm like Quirky I have a few close friends. I get along with people ok but interacting with people exhausts me. I keep few relationships so that I can actually treat people properly. Even then I suck at it. Case in point my friends know sometimes I won't reply to messages for a week. I have learnt to send a "I'm ok" if they text twice and they know I'm out of it and just getting through the day. And apologise when I'm able. They know now to be blunt in texts if they need me... I need your help for example and I'm there pjs and all haha.

But it's not a good feeling. I think I'm a pretty crappy friend most of the time.

The one positive.... And an idea to consider... I have one friend who is bipolar and she is very similar to me. I am very grateful to her. We don't text or call for months and then when we do nothing has changed. We don't hold it against eachother. Just smile and say sorry life attacked me. And we're ok. She is the only person I know who accepts me how I am lack of effort and all. Do any of you know any support groups near you or social events run through a mental health group? If so maybe thats a place to meet new friends. We are in the same boat. We get eachother. And there seems to be a level of patience and acceptance that a lot of others are missing.

For what it's worth I like all of you.

[aegidius]

Quercus said:I get along with people ok but interacting with people exhausts me.

I identify with this.

I have heard it said (don't know how true this is in conventional psychology) that the difference between extroverts and introverts is:
- extroverts are recharged by other people,
- introverts are depleted by other people and recharged by being alone.

[Carla09]

Hi Possum,

I am in a similar situation...I had some great friends, which through the years have drifted apart...either through moving or by life circumstances changing...ie having kids...and then other friends that were "fun" friends...as in as long as something was being organised to go out we would meet...but there was never speaking on the phone and confiding in...and then friendships that turned toxic....sort of like I no longer wanted to be in the relationship but held on and they were probably the same...too many disappointments...not showing up at a family members funeral, being too involved etc in your own problems when they needed you and vice versa....I was alsi guilty of either being too indifferent...unfortunately friendships are like relationships...and I can look back and say even the friendships that turned toxic...I really appreciate having them in my life..they were good for the moment..the good friends were good people but when we had kids...we just drifted on our own journey...

i have to admit though making new friends when you are older and especially with kids is virtually impossible...mostly because You aren't ad open anymore...and you are more set in your ways...Your world views start to differ as well...and sometimes what didn't bother you when you were younger...ie...someones religion, politics etc...can really annoy you...

also throw in having to get kids to get along, if in a couple spouses to get along....Also, you gotta trust these people near your kids....

[clownartist]

Hi Aegiduis,

Very impressed with you description of extroverts /introverts Where did you get that from?

It sums me up I feel exhausted dealing with narcissitic extroverts lets face it we are all surrounded by them Absolutely brilliant.Not be rude to you doesnt tell me how to deal them CA

[velvetfaerie]

I am an introvert on one hand yet extroverted on the other.

I can social and talk to anyone but I find it draining.

Weirdo I am.

V.

[aegidius]

Hi VF - Yeah I can do small talk just fine, just not for long as it does wear me out. I'm much better at it online that F2F - there's time to think 🙂

As to where I got that description from CA - I honestly can't remember! My best recollection is that someone at one of those 1990's personal growth workshops told it to me, and it seemed very right at the time so it stuck. And/or I may have read it somewhere.

[velvetfaerie]

It's Myers Briggs stuff.