Friendship Mass Exodus
This is my life right now. Relationships falling apart everywhere. There's some saying that, when times are tough your true friends are revealed. Well.. Clearly I have none.
My closest friend since school, is constantly harassing me or saying horrible things about my situation.
Another friend is accusing me of been mean and that I owe her an apology for something that I've done nothing wrong. Again this is another 15+ friendship. She also likes trivialising all my problems. I should get over it.
My corporate group of friends are all dwindling off because I no longer work. So I'm too lowly for them. I also don't have the disposable income to keep up with their social activities.
I have a psychologist accuse me of been OCD when I'm not, & ended up having my psychiatrist assess me to make sure. Even he thought the whole thing was bizzare. She didn't take too kindly to that & I don't feel comfortable seeing her now.
My GP of years that I trusted so much and admired really, I think is trying to remove my mother from my life so she can step in..
I have no friends lol The first time in my entire life to say this, but I really don't.
It's depressing to me. Should I try to salvage any of these relationship or start over?
Has anyone else lost all their friends during difficult times?
It's disappointing for me across the board but I've also learnt (well trained) professionally how to be resilient and move on quickly from these things. So whilst I acknowledge and feel the pain of it, I am able to put that aside.
I guess for me even professionally in business I've met a lot of people and become close by that I mean incited to weddings, christening, visiting for dinner parties. Even with clients this has been the case. I know there are boundaries etc but in the right way that can be balanced.
So I've had a big social life in that respect. Well my whole family have really as a result of it. Now we are outcasted from that because of my situation.
I guess close friends turning away bothers me a lot more as I had a loyalty expectation there due to the long term value of it.
So put it altogether and it seems like a massive lot of people I no longer have to communicate with. You're right about the distinction between acquaintance and loyal friend. But I've lost all of them.
Even those in the medical profession has turned to rubbish and I'm still scratching me head over that. Well my whole family is to be honest.
Anyway hopefully I'll find and make new friends through some other activities.
Do you have plans to meet others or happy to cruise in how it is?
i used to have a small network of friends, however since my illness these have petered off.Some people dropped me like a hot scon. A couple, one a former work colleague and a friend of 20+ years I ceased contact with. Another a friend of 40 years who was hard work and toxic to be with. My wife is my best friend. So I have less then a handful of friends whom I'm lucky to see 3-4 times a year.
I guess a lot of people don't understand mental illness and once we mention it they won't touch you with a 10 foot pole.Some people get it. A lot here do and so do members of my psych group who can relate.
i could join a cycling group or play table tennis or something, but after a lifetime of giving , I'm happy with very little company outside my immediate family.Im sociable when people engage in conversation but I don't go looking for it.
Re: running and gym you will get back into when you are ready. I didn't cycle for over a 18 months as I just couldn't do it. Since Xmas I try to ride a 3 times a week or row on my indoor rower.Tried the gym thing over the years but long distant running and cycling on my own was my thing.Always been a bit of a loner but people always said how happy and gregarious I was.
As I've become older, since my breakdown and diagnosis I've become very isolated but that's ok. As long as I have my family that's the important thing,
take care, be kind to yourself
I appreciate that and I love the way you see things too. So thank you.
To be honest my husband is the same as you. He has only ever had two close friends that we see twice or three times a year as they aren't located here. And he isn't in the least bit phased.
His work team of six are lovely and he will go out for the occasion beer after work with the mates. But other than that he is happy with just me and the kids and doesn't really care about others or their opinions.
I guess we are different in that regard and there isn't a right or wrong and he has never forced his opinion down my throat either. If anything he encourages me to meet others if that is what I want.
I guess it's because I was so social before so it's a massive change. I feel like I've lost a lot. Career, health, money, friends.. It's just a lot at once.
Anyway you're right about exercise, my psychiatrist even said, small steps, if you used to run, then walk with your dog and build up slowly. So I've just been trying to do that.
I'm glad to hear you cycle and row, those are great exercises! I used to cycle many years ago, more mountain hiking, tracks in the local bushland. Was great. Not sure why I stopped really,.. I think kids came along and I abandoned it!
Take care Len x
To dear possum and all,
It has taken me 45yrs to realise...... that I'm wrong,and everything that has happened to my friends/family has been caused by me due to this totally endless Mental Health crap,that I was born with and the abuse I have received.
I really don't know what I have done to friends and family all I know is I have stuffed them all.
The only advice for you is to get professional help to find out what you are doing wrong.
I am sorry this is very negative and I am sorry I can't make you feel better.
I am sorry you feel that way and I am sure that all your problems were not caused by you.
It is sad that you have not received support.
I think it is easy to blame someone with mental illness for causing problems when it may have nothing to do with them.
This is why I think it is so important to have a few close and trustworthy friends.
I find being honest with friends and family has helped me.
Later, wow no sugar coating things there lol Sorry but I need to disagree.
You said you don't know what you've done but you've stuffed everyone up. So how exactly have you stuffed them up? How do you know it's you and your mental health issues?
Well I can say with 100% certainly that my relationship issues explained above are not anything that I've done, and historically I've had very stable relationships.
How I know this
1. I have assessed each situation
2. I have no issues apologising if I'm wrong and I've done so when warranted
3. I bounce each situation off my husband. So he must be stuffed too..
4. I have a psychologist I talk to
5. I have a psychiatrist i talk to
So unless everyone is stuffed, I pretty much am sure it's not anything I've done.
If it's the fact I have a mental illness and can't work and therefore don't have the disposable income to keep up with their social activities.. Then I think the problem remains more with them than me, and they are the ones who are stuffed and need professional help.
I'm really sorry later, that you're walking around thinking that you're to blame in every relationship that hasn't worked out and that you feel you've stuffed up. In all honesty, you're probably not to blame x Maybe you need to consider this and talk to a professional about why you're blaming yourself for everything
Thanks to the posts,
As you know by now,I like most just say it how it is,thought this was an awesome asset and just being me. Friends and relatives have just disintegrated over the years. Some there has been major fights,others I have no idea.
I have been trying to ask here,how do the so called normal people talk,act,respond,ect to situations. There for what do I do wrong.
I am sorry this is very emotional for me as I have not dealt properly and have lost so many and my family thinks it's all me.
Later, you haven't offended me in the least if that's what you are thinking.. I really like different opinions and views and constructive criticism is enlightening, so don't hesitate to say what you think and feel.
Honestly I don't think you give yourself enough credit.
People behaving like turds, isn't necessarily your fault. Some people are just turds, simple as that.
I'm tried of mental health being used as a scapegoat for others to behave like turds.
Eg. People acting in a nasty or destructive manner, and then pointing the finger at the you and blaming your mental illness as the cause 'oh you're reading into it too much, I didn't mean it'.. No sorry, not buying it, you did mean it!
Unless you can honestly sit there and review a situation and say, yes it was your fault, then likely it wasn't.
If it was your fault then apologise for it. I tend to over apologise. But I'm trying not too unless it's warranted. If family and friends really love you, then they will accept an apology. If they don't, well I question how good that relationship was to start with.
Later you seem like a lovely genuine person to me, of all the posts I've seen. You mentioned you're 45.. So you're really quite young. I'm sorry people haven't been kind to you in the past.
Im going to get out there and try to meet others. I think it's a good healthy thing to do. I think the more we do this the greater our confidence will grow.
And the turds will become but a distant memory.. 💩 lol 😂