Friend with flirty banter bringing new gf to group outings

[Allabouttiming]

• Flirty banter with male friend for 4mths
• Matched online and chatted. Discussed dating potential given our group of common friends. A group (all dog owners) I started over a year ago and he only joined last November.
• We mutally decided it was too hard in case things went south
• Flirty messages persisted until 1 week before Easter
• I went away at Easter for 1 week
• Came back to him bringing his new gf down to the dog park. PDA was full on
• Am happy for him but also totally annoyed. 
• He is now away for a month
• Am fearful that when he returns he will start to bring her out with our group of friends. I find it so uncomfortable and somewhat disrespectful.

Should I talk to him about it when he returns to ask perhaps if he can avoid bringing her out with us (no one else in the group brings who they are dating down) or do I just have to work through the awkwardness and disappointment myself?

I feel like we may have a group outing in the future that involves drinking where I may blurt something out.

Appreciate any advice

[Bob_22]

Hi Allabouttiming,

Thanks for your post. It sounds like you are in an awkward situation.

I have been in your position where I have been in the same friend group with an ex. Unfortunately it's never easy and only time will ease the tension/awkwardness. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to ask him to not bring his girlfriend to group outings as that is his prerogative. You can however have a conversation about how you are uncomfortable with the situation but ultimately it is his decision. Outside of that it may be best to work through your feelings by leaning on your other friends and giving yourself some time. You never know, by the time he comes back you may be more comfortable with things. 

Hope this helps.

Bob

[Juliet_84]

Hi allabouttiming,

I suppose this is the danger of dating/situationships etc within friend groups. Things inevitably turn sour or end badly and then one friend often has to leave the friend group, or you have to bear witness to your previous interest then dating someone else and bringing them around. I think you are entitled to have a conversation with this person and let them know that you feel uncomfortable and ask that he be mindful of that. But he has every right to ignore that and live his life as he pleases. The timing is perhaps a bit quick given that you were only flirty before Easter but you both mutually agreed not proceed so it’s a bit of a grey area. It will feel a bit awkward for a time but it will lessen over time.