Feeling lonely

[Maddie18]

I had hard time in my high school which completely changed my inner character and my way of looking at like. After that I was okay for a while till i finished my schooling because my family was always there. When I was with my family i didn't need anything more. But because of my family situation my parents had to send me away. So they sent me to new country. I had no one here. First time being out in the world without my family by my side it was really hard. After high school insident i learned never to get close with any human. So in abroad I had hard time believing anyone and getting close with anyone. So I went into depression. But i couldn't go back to my country to be with my family because they said they had to keep me away safe. I was in a difficult phase where all I needed was love but I just had hard time believing people and get close with them.

Around that time I started working and met a guy there slowly we became very good friends. He started to learn about my past slowly but he was always there. Through him I met lot of other friends. Slowly I started feeling like my old self and started accepting new people into my life. Had a best two years of my life. 

But eventually he started having feelings for me. But i couldn't see him more than a friend. But when he had hard time seeing me just as a friend, I can see that he went into depression. So I had to move away from him to give him better life. We decided to stop contacting eachother.

After that slowly all my friends decided to take his side. So I was alone again. Slowly went into different phase again having hard time moving on with life. All my old characters and from when I moved to New country came back again. Now I feel like I don't have purpose for life. All I am doing is living another day for my family because they can't live without me. And if I am gone all their hard work of send me away to keep me safe will be wasted. But I am having hard time living everyday.

[Croix]

Dear Maddie18~

You sound like a most considerate and sensitive person, and have had the strenght to come to a strange country away from your family.

That break from family is a huge thing even in one's own country, and made so much worse in another. Add to that the time you had in high school and finding friends becomes very hard. Nevertheless you did, and for a couple of years all went well. It is sad you did not want you friendship to go further but you were honest, even honorable about it and you both worked out  a sensible solution.

Can I ask if you are in touch with your family and get some love and support from them?

Yes it's true, that breakup did affect your mutual friends, however perhaps they could only see the  upset that your friend was going through, which happens even though unfair.

While you might find it difficult to trust people your friend did not break trust wiht you, and did not harm or ignore you, but simply wanted to be too close. That realy means you are the sort of person that another can love and that is something that will say with you and as a result I'd expect there will be other chances. Hopefully happier ones where your feelings are mutual.

It can be hard to be honest and considerate at times however that is something to value in yourself and will make you a more attractive person to others who look for character as well as just the  surface.

Croix