Problem with trust

[Summer2022]

Hi I'm little over forty my girlfriend is over twenty.. I'm white she is black. Love her a lot..she is saying the same but we are having a problem. Whenever I don't tell her that I was talking with someone she is angry. Is checking my mobile (it never was a problem to me ) and when she finds sth like texting with someone I didn't tell her is angry. I work..sometimes im busy..and today..like few times before I did not tell her I send few messages to other person. (nothing specific it was just hi how are u, where are u nowadays ) don't know what to do.. How to help this relation. She feels as she wasn't giving me attention with is not true. But can't convinced her that it's not true. I work 8h a day.. I'm busy..some short answers to people who I was making friends with before we started dating mean nothing to me but not to her.   I'm confused about it. What to do. I'm buying her presents she is happy  but when we have issue she is saying it means nothing cuz I'm not sincere person and she is  crossing our all our work on building relation. Heh what to do.. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Trust is as you eluded to, essential. However it can be complex, it isnt just a case of educating her to trust anyone. 

This means that couples counselling is needed because she might well have some insecurities that led her to feel insecure. It's finding the real reason for the triggering of mistrust.

It is certainly unreasonable imo that you have to consider her every time you text someone. A calm trusting relationship does not have those expectations you mention. However, as a partner to someone that you love you need to explain to her that you believe the lack of trust is significant enough to warrant a counsellor to help you both. There is nothing material wise that will change that mistrust. 

Remember, the mistrust could also be fear, that her youth and inexperience or childhood reasons not to mention her love for you, could be feeding her insecurity.

Good luck

TonyWK