FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Uncharted Waters

EyesofIllusion
Community Member

I was never raised with my fathers family due to divorce, I did not have a relationship with my father  until I was 40. While I accept that my Dad is a little unusual to most, hes mine and I love him for who he is.  There was a death in his family and as I result I reached out to an Uncle who has literally been 'Missing' for 20 odd years. I don't know what a 'normal' relationship looks like in regards to family. I have uncles I have been raised with and this feels incredibly different. Is any one able to guide me, help me navigate a healthy relationship. I am too embarrassed to talk about this to any one, even my therapist. Thank you.

3 Replies 3

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hey EyesofIllusion, 

Thank you so much for having the strength to share your concerns here, we can hear that this topic is a source of embarrassment for you but please know that by sharing your story with our community, you’ve already taken an enormous step and shown such bravery and strength.  

We can hear that you’ve taken the difficult step in reaching out to family that you may have been distant with for many years, this is no small feat and you should take a moment to feel proud of yourself for taking that step. Family looks different for everyone and it may take some time before you feel comfortable with people that you've recently reconnected with. Take the time you need and be kind to yourself as you adjust.

We wanted to provide some resources which may be helpful if you would like to talk to someone. Reach out to Relationships Australia, you can call them on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, such as this one on communication in relationships.  If you feel like talking things through, please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. There are also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time. It might be an option to also share your story with your therapist if you feel comfortable.

Thanks again for sharing here. We hope the words of our lovely community members who will soon see your post, brings you some comfort through this difficult time. 

Kind regards,  

Sophie M 

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Eyesofillusion,

 

A very warm and caring welcome to the forums,

 

 I think that anyone in the family, be it parents, grandparents, uncles or aunties and are you’re being raised with love, care, understanding is who you family are…

 

Its really beautiful that you have a relationship with your father, even though it didn’t start until your 40, and you love him, for who he is….I hope so much that your relationship with your father continues to grow stronger and stronger throughout the wonderful years you both have together now…

 

I’m so sorry about the death in you’re family, it okay to reach out to the family member or even friend that you feel you need to, that can help comfort you, when you’re feeling sad and vulnerable….

My family life, with my parents was not good…I think everyone has there own thoughts on what a family unit should be like…but in a way it’s completely different for everyone….You have loving Uncles who raised you, now you have your father in your life and another uncle who has been “missing” for 20 odd years….I think that you, even though it’s different from the typical stereotypes that family is supposed to be…..that you have loving and caring relationships with some of your family members….Including them all in your life, is a very healthy way to have a healthy relationship with your family…..

 

Thinking of you with kindness and care Dear Eyesofillusion…

Grandy..

 

 

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

 

Can I commend you for 'owning" your father eg " hes mine and I love him for who he is"  Thats really nice. 

 

Families are different in all ways. The best medicine for that is becoming more familiar. Phone calls, visits and social media. Swapping pics is good to keep connected, remembering birthdays is very important and for your dad, fathers day will be special for him when you contact.

 

There is nothing to be embarrassed about discussing it with your therapist. In fact, your hesitation is the problem there I think. Maybe tell your therapist you feel embarrassed about a topic about your family situation? They are very well trained in all problems.

 

Remember- other people in your dads family will equally be hesitant in how to fully accept you as family, it doesnt happen overnight... but it will happen!

 

TonyWK