Feeling I guess / unwelcome

[blues23]

Long story short.  I had a catch up with my dad & rest of my family ( sister & her children) my dad said hello said he was sore i asked if he gone to the dr he then swore at me and said what a stupid fn idea that was I immediately moved away from him and sat at the other side of the table and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the time he was there  ( this is about 2 hours  as I didn’t want to encourage his behaviour ( this happened a few weeks back to where I mentioned 1 thing and he swore at me again and I froze him out(  i did same thing today ) my dad is fairly old nearly 80 but I honestly feel he wants nothing to do with me he doesn’t ask about my life never calls ( only when he wants something off / out of me  only then he’s nice ,communicative . I’ve kinda lost the ability to put up with his behaviour anymore) I feel sad as I want my child to have a grandparent ( my mother is not really involved with my child as she was very abusive to us kids growing up / yet my dad forces me to go see her with my daughter at least 3 times a year which if we don’t I get treated badly by my dad and  sworn at some more .im very much thinking of cutting contact to only birthdays & Christmas my dad doesn’t speak to my sister like he does to me and goes to her house ( he refuses to go to my house  like ever has come once in as many years ( we both live within  10 min of each other so it’s not the distance factor )  my sister’s children have noticed the difference in communication between what  my sister gets  and the way our dad treats me and the refusal to visit at my house and this has gone on for years and years my sister says it’s just him being old I think it’s a little more than that , am I being unreasonable if I stop  this relationship?   I love my dad as does my child and I feel bad if I do stop  it due to my child missing out on a grandparent. And I also feel bad as if I don’t see him anymore I may regret it as time goes on 

[quirkywords]

Blues23

welco e to the forum and thanks for your sharing your story.

It must be so difficult for have a parent who you you expect will be kind and respectful behaving in an upsetting way.

i have know people in a similar situation to limit the number of things they see a parent and others who cut off all contact. 
i suppose you will decide what sort of contact is best for your mental health.

Would it be suitable to find a time when you and you dad are alone an explain what you have here that you love him and want him to be involved in your child’s life.Or would he respond to a written note. 
would feel ok to contact a support service.

Beyond zbkue has trained counsellors and  the number is

1300 224636

Sometimes talking to another person can help see things more clearly .

I am listening and feel free to post when you like .

[blues23]

Hi Quirkywords

i don’t believe I could approach my dad or even write him a note . He made a comment last year that I was not his daughter/ could be true I don’t know what my mum was up to  when I was a child haven’t had a dna test yet ( cause I had txtd him about something   i was being honest about  my feelings and trying to support my sister thru some stuff & he was really rude threatening to cut me off ,never see me again , never speak to me  & that he wasn’t my dad & that he would never see my child again cause apparently I was being rude for saying something to him about his behaviour. Basically it’s his way or the highway and my dad does not care 1 iota about what I feel or think or the hurt he sometimes causes, I never hear from him if he didn’t visit my sister I’d never see him it was this way when I moved 1.5 hours away and I just had my child  he never saw us not ever he said it was my ex partner , the location I was living ,in my house is my home it’s not a bad place but I  think in his mind truly believes I’m not his daughter. My sister gets quite shocked at how rude he is to me   But makes excuses for him due to his age and health , he calls her every day to check in & stuff  but  never will with me I’m luckily if I get 2 calls a year and that’s only to force me to see my mother  my sister also thinks it’s my choice if I cut back or back off  as I don’t like feeling like a heap of badness after being abused by him  as it makes me feel really bad about myself so I’m pretty much thinking of reducing my visits and just going about my life without the abuse it will be hard it was hard before  even harder too as my child likes seeing him but is becoming aware of his behaviour. And I have to face it he does not want me in his life  and if he does he treats me as a burden or an annoyance unless he gets to have a relationship on his terms and I’m not ok with it . I have to be strong 

yes I will eventually speak to a councillor ( probably after school holidays)but I can’t change things unless I change them for myself. 

thanks for your reply it’s hard navigating what to do as no matter what I feel bad but I have to think of myself.