Family issues

[mannat398503]

im mannat and still living with my parents. long story short, my parents are extremely abusive and controlling. they try to meddle with several of my life decisions which can be as simple as going out with my friends to something like uni choices and what major i should go for. when i dont give in, they guilt trip me and make me feel like its my fault which disturbs me mentally a lot. ive been having multiple issues(health, studies etc.) because of this. its as if i gotta make sure they are okay so that nothing happens to me. like at times, when i do take a stand for myself, it results in them not giving me food or letting me go out of my room for a long time. they often tell me how i'm a failure and how i can't do anything in the outside world. they don't allow me to go out with my friends AT ALL or even alone to some cafe. they have allowed me no independence at all even in simple choices as to what flavor of cake id want or smth like that. they also often tell me how i owe them and if i try to not care about them and literally ignore them, it results in them crying or being sad and giving me 'life lessons' saying how they are doing this for me. it's been so confusing because i literally have no idea what to do or if im the one in the wrong. it makes me overthink a lot nowadays, especially for around a week or so. i cant even sleep properly at night because of this. i am planning to move away soon and get into a uni of my choice, but as of now i just need advice on how to detach myself from my parents, how to live with them(considering how they keep threatening to take away my internet, phone, laptop, food, water, literally anything i need), how to manage myself mentally, how to still be able to earn money and have a living, and how to stand up to them.

[Earth Girl]

Hi mannat,

I'm so sorry that your parents treat you like this. They are extremely abusive and none of this is your fault. Just because you are still living with them, it doesn't make it okay for them to control you and to tell you what courses to take in Uni. Is there a counselor at Uni? School counselors can be very good to talk to if you are having any problems whether it be at home, at school or anywhere really.

I know it would be tempting to stand up for yourself, but since it makes them even more abusive, I would try really hard to hold it in (even though there is nothing wrong with you standing up for yourself).

As soon as you are able to live on your own, I would try to not see them too often. Just because they let you continue living with them, it doesn't mean you owe them anything. (I still live with my parents and they are fully aware that they can't control me like this and that I don't owe them anything). I wouldn't completely cut ties with them though just in case you one day need to move back in, but just give each other a bit of space, just enough so you don't feel as overwhelmed by them. Once you move out of home, you will also be able to choose what other courses you might like to do in the future as well as who you want to hang out with and they wont be able to punish you (when you didn't even do anything wrong) by taking away your devices or anything else. I am shocked that they take FOOD and WATER away from you.

I would tell you to also report them, but I don't think the people you report them to will be able to help find a safe place for you to live given your age, so yeah, I get what you mean. It's very hard to know what to do and it's an extremely rough situation to be in. I hope the school counselor can other some really good support and advice. Maybe they would know of some type of safe place where you can live.

I wish you the absolute best when you move out, but until then, stay strong. You are doing really well with all the things you have already gone through and I hope you don't have to put up with it for much longer. You should never have been treated like this by your parents in the first place.