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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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bkgs1202 Boyfriend with OCD pushing me away
  • replies: 5

I’m so lost I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years now, in the most beautiful, healthy, loving, supportive relationship. He suffers from OCD and about 2 months ago he stopped taking his meds and wasn’t seeing his... View more

I’m so lost I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years now, in the most beautiful, healthy, loving, supportive relationship. He suffers from OCD and about 2 months ago he stopped taking his meds and wasn’t seeing his therapist. He was pushing me away, saying we weren’t together anymore, but still messaging me and calling and wanting to be around me all the time and be intimate. When he was pushing me away, everything he was saying was textbook relationship OCD and harm OCD, scared of hurting me, how does he know I’m the one, etc. We spent 3 days no contact and he broke it to tell me what a huge mistake he had made and how much he loves me and sees our future together and wants to be with me. Then a few days later he said we were moving too fast again and he didn’t want to lose me but didn’t want to be in a committed relationship. That night he spiralled again and was quite manic and had some extremely dark thoughts. I didn’t know what to do so i called his parents and had to leave him as I felt me being there was making the situation worse and he kept saying he loves me and want to be with me but needs a 2 week break (common theme he had continued to bring up throughout). We didn’t speak for two weeks until he called and had seen his therapist. I thought it was all okay between us and we would just need time to take it slow to get back to where we were but now he’s saying he thought i broke up with him when i left two weeks ago, he’s been telling people we aren’t together anymore, and he needs to be alone to work on his mental health and he can’t be dating right now to work on himself. He started taking his meds again and now it’s been 6 weeks, but he was only just able to have an appointment with his therapist due to availability. I don’t know what to do. I want to be with him more than anything, and i would do anything to make it work. The same night he’s telling me he needs to be alone, he’s also acting somewhat normal with me, being romantic and talking about the future using “we” and “us” terms, but saying he can’t give me certainty that he’ll ever be able to be together but if he could click his fingers and flick a switch to be then he would. What do i do? I’m feeling so lost and confused and just heartbroken and awful.

JayCee28 Sons invasion of privacy by his father
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Long story but I’ll try get it relevant to date Ex H alcoholic and abusive to me. coercive/ emotional abuse to son Currently no access to teen child ( his father) aside from supervised visits in contact centre, no visits to date. son does not... View more

Hi all, Long story but I’ll try get it relevant to date Ex H alcoholic and abusive to me. coercive/ emotional abuse to son Currently no access to teen child ( his father) aside from supervised visits in contact centre, no visits to date. son does not want to see his father at all. Son is slowly expressing things he didn’t like while being “taken care of” by his father while I worked late shifts. child is saying he gets predatory feelings from his dad. This has all come about this morning I really am beginning to worry child’s father has been more than inappropriate with son while I wasn’t at home. Child has expressed he is uncomfortable telling the contact centre why he doesn’t want to see his dad. I have offered child that we can write down his feelings tonight and he can hand it to the support person at the contact centre and maybe they can discuss it and child’s feelings. My gut says there’s more to the child/ father relationship that was has come out, but I don’t want to push child for answers. I guess I’m after advice Thankyou

Scorp_77 Marraige Breakdown after 30 years together
  • replies: 1

Hi,I recently separated from my husband, 30 years together, 2 children, high school sweet hearts, I am heart broken.I do not even know where to start my healing process, I am sad, I am lonely.

Hi,I recently separated from my husband, 30 years together, 2 children, high school sweet hearts, I am heart broken.I do not even know where to start my healing process, I am sad, I am lonely.

CB23 Getting it out
  • replies: 1

The overwhelming sadness......We're done and my head know it's for the better but my heart hurts so bad. I randomly find myself crying my face off and the good lord knows I can't sleep much at this point. 13 years is gone so fast and my kids man they... View more

The overwhelming sadness......We're done and my head know it's for the better but my heart hurts so bad. I randomly find myself crying my face off and the good lord knows I can't sleep much at this point. 13 years is gone so fast and my kids man they're sad too. How do you deal with their sadness and your sadness and this overwhelming feeling? How long does that last? I've decided to try to focus on my mental heath and push myself forward but does this go away. He really was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I was so sure.....

Guest_16794091 Covert Narcissistic Disorder Help!
  • replies: 3

Hello xxI'm constantly getting triggered by things my partner says and does. Constantly thinking he's up to something behind my back when he's the most truest person. We've broken up many times due to my insecurities from not wanting him to have fema... View more

Hello xxI'm constantly getting triggered by things my partner says and does. Constantly thinking he's up to something behind my back when he's the most truest person. We've broken up many times due to my insecurities from not wanting him to have female friends, getting jealous even when he speaks to a female client on the phone!My triggers turn into panic out of the blue & it's so hard to stop my head from thinking the worst. I can go days thinking of the same thing no matter how much reassurance I get. How do you cope with this? It's such an intrusive condition 🥴

sunflower2337 Relationship Troubles
  • replies: 2

Hello, I feel like I’m at my all time lowest when I come on here and I just don’t know what to do. Me and my partner resolved our problems but the last month has been a lot. He has always been making it about himself and when ever I do something so m... View more

Hello, I feel like I’m at my all time lowest when I come on here and I just don’t know what to do. Me and my partner resolved our problems but the last month has been a lot. He has always been making it about himself and when ever I do something so minor he blows up. I forget what I said and I try to repeat it or I don’t repeat it word.for. Word I am now a liar and a manipulator. I stutter when I’m talking I have to apologise profusely because god forbid someone stuttering and I’m at my breaking point. We had a huge fight the other night and stayed apart for the night. During the day the following day he was mentioning he was feeling unwell so I try to do something nice and get him some things I know will help him feel better. I also pick up his favourite food on the way home for him to then get into an argument because I accidentally talked over him even though I quickly apologised but it wasn’t good enough. I went to do my sets of apologies he always demand because that’s the only way to resolve things is in a set and I stuttered so I cleared my throat he got even angrier and threw his drink I bought him all over the floor up the walls up the dresser everywhere. I tried to talk to him calmly and address the situation before I stormed out. We both care about each other so much and I can not picture my life without him. I’m just stuck on what to do and where to go. I feel like there isn’t a future but he is literally my best friend. We have everything planned out together and are almost celebrating our 3 year anniversary and even went and looked at engagement rings. We are so close but these hiccups sometimes blow up huge and I just don’t know what to do. Couples counseling isn’t an option. He won’t talk he just likes to ignore and I feel like I have no one to reach out too. I’ve talked to his sister about parts of it but I just don’t want to bother her or drag her into the issues.

Happy-Carol Pushy Mother in law
  • replies: 3

My mother in law messages my husband every day. Once we fell pregnant, she started messaging me too gradually.She created a group chat with me, my husband, father in law and herself. My FIL didn’t like the idea and he asked her to remove him from the... View more

My mother in law messages my husband every day. Once we fell pregnant, she started messaging me too gradually.She created a group chat with me, my husband, father in law and herself. My FIL didn’t like the idea and he asked her to remove him from the group chat. After our child was born, she was messaging me and my husband every single day. She usually messages about what her cats did, when the cats woke up, what my father in law said, or what my brother in law did (my brother in law is 35 years old and he still lives with his parents). If we answer her messages, she will send more messages. Even if we don’t reply to her, she will keep messaging us throughout the day about different things. We both work full time, own an house, first time parents.I’m already overwhelmed with my own responsibilities and I’m not interested in having everyday conversations with her. So, I take my time to reply to her. Sometimes my husband doesn’t reply to her either as he works long hours. She called him, she said to him “can you reply to my messages?” .Now, he tries to reply to her 1-2 times a day. He does it as an obligation not because he wants to. My in laws live 30min drive away. And we have always been seeing them 1-2 times a fortnight even before our child was born. Thats mostly because either she invited herself/my FIL to our house or she invited us to their house. She coordinates these plans with my husband asking “What are you doing this weekend; Do you want us to come over to your place?””Do you want visitors?”Me nor the FIL Or BIL are not involved in initiating or making plans. My husband checks with me before he says yes though. And these visits are usually a whole day thing. They come around 10.30am-11am and leave around 4.30pm-5pm. When our child was born (he is now 1.5 years old), we struggled to cope with the new responsibility. We didn’t have any help. My MIL would invite herself to our house, only to cuddle the baby, didn’t offer us any help us around the house or with the baby, didn’t bring any food for us nor nappies nothing. She knows we would need help but she was waiting for us to ask rather than offering. She would send us passive aggressive messages like “the baby would be fully grown by the time we see him next”.She said “on our next fortnightly visits, I will bring blah blah”. So, she is telling us that she will be visiting us fortnightly, she didn’t ask us, just told us, that’s what annoyed me.

Clover9312 Never being enough for anyone
  • replies: 1

Hi. I’ve posted here quite a bit about my relationship challenges and I’ve always been SO comforted by your support. I don’t really know who else to turn to. My therapist session already passed and everyone seems busy. I’m finding it really hard to s... View more

Hi. I’ve posted here quite a bit about my relationship challenges and I’ve always been SO comforted by your support. I don’t really know who else to turn to. My therapist session already passed and everyone seems busy. I’m finding it really hard to shake off my feelings of disappointment with dating. After a horrible experience in 2023, I made a list of what I truly wanted in a partnership. I really felt that the person I was dating for the last three months had a lot of these qualities. However - I did wonder at certain points if he was hiding some emotional history from me. I opened up about a lot of my anxiety, why I’m in therapy etc. He made vague mentions of past struggles too, but would change the subject and not elaborate or he’d put something on the tv. I got the impression it was not up for discussion in that moment. It seemed obvious to me that there was something though - he just didn’t seem to have the ability to be vulnerable with me. I don’t think he was using me for sex, but he never cuddled me afterwards and never cuddled me while we sat and watched tv. I felt like it was too early days to request that, and now I wish I did. We shared common hobbies and always spoke of them. We spoke everyday. We shared countless laughs and I know he enjoyed my company. We spoke everyday even when I travelled for a few weeks on a trip that I had booked before we met. About a month after my trip, he ended things. He said that based on his previous relationship history and (when he felt “the feels” for those people) he said that he should’ve felt more for me by this time. He had a instinctive gut feeling it wasn’t going to work. He was very complimentary of me and wanted to be open to friendship when the time is right for me. We have mutual friends, so I know he wants to be on good terms. He really was the kindest person I’ve dated and also the funniest. I came to realise that the men I had been with previously were actually quite mean to me. It was refreshing being with someone so friendly and kind to me. I know he wasn’t trying to hurt me or lead me on during these months - but I can’t help but wonder why/how/if he felt nothing for me after all that time. I’m worried he was emotionally unavailable, despite us texting each other everyday and going on consistent dates every week. I just don’t know why he wasted our time for so long if it took him so long to then say he didn’t feel enough. I feel flat now. I know emotional avoidance wasn’t on my checklist. I really wanted to “wait and see” about him and get curious about his life. I planned a chat for a few days ago, but he beat me to it and ended it due to not arriving at “that feeling” yet. Keep in mind he had no idea that I was going to chat to him and see how things were going, so I know he didn’t do this to protect himself. He gave me no indication over the last few weeks that things were going to be over. I actually thought we were getting closer, so I’m a bit shocked. I also feel incredibly rejected. He told me he’s attracted to me (present tense - no past tense) and admired me so much - why couldn’t I be enough romantically? He did mention a girl that hurt him last year - only for the first time I heard about her, when he ended things with me. He still seemed upset about it. Apparently she used him and it hurt him a lot. It makes me really sad that he seemed to have feelings last year for someone who he knew was using him, yet him and I got along so well, he enjoyed the physical aspect of us and spoke to me everyday - yet he couldn’t “feel it”. I feel really inadequate to be perfectly honest. He said he wants to give me space and reach out at some point to see if im interested in being his friend one day. Time will tell if he actually puts those words into action. This is the second time I’ve been told at the three month mark that I’m an incredible person that they still want in their life, but they can’t see a long term relationship happening. The other guy really kept his promise and wanted to be my friend (that didn’t last, as I felt too hurt). I know I’m not perfect, but I do think I’m trying my best to be a good partner. Maybe we just havent found our people. I feel like I’m the “almost, but not quite” girl.