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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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issy4lol2 Physical Altercations
  • replies: 1

I’m having a hard time getting through this by myself and processing it. Tonight I got into a physical altercation with my step dad. My view on it is completely different to my mums and it is not something that I can just bring up to her. A bit of ba... View more

I’m having a hard time getting through this by myself and processing it. Tonight I got into a physical altercation with my step dad. My view on it is completely different to my mums and it is not something that I can just bring up to her. A bit of background story: I have been struggling for years and in the past year I have become quite verbal and physical with family members. It would be things like tripping, throwing objects, kicking in doors and shoving. I have acknowledged that this is a problem and my mum is well aware that i have acknowledged it. in february i got some help and was taking to a youth mental health centre which i had to stay there for two weeks. I learnt strategies that worked and have been doing quite well since then. it is now mid april and i can feel myself becoming quite down again and isolating myself. To continue my story tonight my mum got mad at me over quite a small thing and i was isolating and moody in the study area doing my own thing. she comes in and the first thing she does is complains about a smell and how i’m gonna get so sick with cancer (understandable i do my own nails) and then proceeds to just go on about it. i have a pretty foggy memory from here on but i believe i semi snapped back and told her it’s fine i can’t even smell it she then slams the door and walks off. (my mum knows how to provoke me and my anger so she knows exactly what to do and what not to do and she is definitely not dumb she had also had DBT lessons with me) My step dad then comes in the room saying automatically going off at me and i said if you’re coming in here to lecture me you can get out (which i agree was not on) he then goes off on me and it’s like a switch in his eyes and yells “don’t ask me for s**t ever the f**k again” (once again provoking me) while my mum peeks in the doorway with her camera on pointed at me. getting annoyed and frustrated i get up to shut the door cause i needed to calm down in that moment. keep in mind they were both in the doorway so i first go to shut the door no one is moving they’re just yelling and saying whatever, i then proceed to shove my step dad (as someone who has been physical before that was not a mean shove but more of a come on let’s move typeof shove). in a fit of anger he then goes to shove me back but this is where i’m confused (yes i’m aware i started it) my step dad proceeded to shove me by my face to push me against a wall to the point i trip over things that were on the floor. and im the bad guy cause he’s got claw marks on his arm? im on the ground now with two adults towering over me yelling and screaming and so i kick anywhere to get them away from me and i accidentally kicked my mums bad leg which she is convinced i did on purpose. i than get up to leave the room and go to my room and im forcefully pulled back by my arm from my mum and then pulled by my tank top straps because “she thought i was trying to go at him”. so this is where im at i had to apologise to both of them for putting my hands on them, and they were going to put a case on me. however i haven’t gotten an apology from either of them and i feel quite scared of my step dad now and don’t know what to do or say. in short i just need some opinions/help.

ashleigh91 i feel like my whole world is being stolen from me
  • replies: 2

My mum is really sick she has stage 4 lung cancer. Its been going on for 8 years, the poor thing has been through so much health wise and i have struggled to be there for her due to my own issues. I have got addiction problems and that has really imp... View more

My mum is really sick she has stage 4 lung cancer. Its been going on for 8 years, the poor thing has been through so much health wise and i have struggled to be there for her due to my own issues. I have got addiction problems and that has really impacted my life and others. My daughter whos 12 is in permanent care with my mum who we share responsibilities looking after her. I know i was not the best daughter over the last 10 years but i have had significant other traumas as well. My mum has now told me out of the blue to leave our house cos she is going to move with my daughter to the country and she wants to leave my daughter with my aunt who we are not even close with. She has completely turned on me in everyway so much so that yesterday i went nuts. I mean i help my mum with everything i try to be there to help her but she doesnt want me anywhere near her all of a sudden..Im just struggling with the fact that she has pulled the rug from beneath me and i dont know how im going to cope with no family, i dont even know where im going to be living. Ive got no brothers or sisters, no dad no family. only my kids and my partner who has an upcoming court case in april and might potentially be going to jail. i feel so down.

Guest_35028450 Talk
  • replies: 2

Having issues in my relationship, feel like I need to talk to someone about them

Having issues in my relationship, feel like I need to talk to someone about them

Elf911 Lost in emotions of dealing with a narcissist father of my children
  • replies: 6

I have been feeling lost lately, I have done mediation once already but he didn't do anything that was agreed. Now he plays the victim. I have been more then flexible with all requests to see his children but it is beyond a joke now, 4 children, 2 di... View more

I have been feeling lost lately, I have done mediation once already but he didn't do anything that was agreed. Now he plays the victim. I have been more then flexible with all requests to see his children but it is beyond a joke now, 4 children, 2 diagnosed ASD/ADHD and youngest with anxiety. It is a struggle to explain to them why their father is the way he is. He is also entangled in a 4.8million dollar legal case that they are trying to bunkrupt him for. It so hard to explain any of this to my children. They don't understand he is no good for their well being. It would make my life just that little bit easier if he would disappear. I spent too many years under his control to watch my children be emotional manipulated by his narcissistic ways.

d0wie Difficulty dealing with mother who won't respect my/husband's boundaries
  • replies: 1

My mother's relationship with me has been rocky since I got married 3 years ago, and has been particularly strained over the last 6 months or so. It has significantly worsened as I make my boundaries known, and she would not respect them and keep pus... View more

My mother's relationship with me has been rocky since I got married 3 years ago, and has been particularly strained over the last 6 months or so. It has significantly worsened as I make my boundaries known, and she would not respect them and keep pushing me to do what she wants. For example she has teamed up with my brother to tell me false outing plans to test how I would respond as she thought I was being “difficult” (when actually I was pregnant and so limited in what I could do). She has also rallied in my relatives, and together challenged my husband in public over a decision she wasn’t happy with. This really infuriated my husband. The absolute last straw for him was when my mother called his mother an old person (translated loosely from Cantonese, but in its context was said with a negative connotation) despite my mum being older than her anyway, when she found out she was preparing postpartum soups for me and was likely jealous of this. And on top of all this, she talks behind our backs to my brother, and has said she feels like my husband has “stolen” me away because I stand up for my own boundaries now, unlike when I was younger. I am now at a point where I am unable to move on from the hurt from various incidents. I have tried speaking to her, but this is futile as she constantly says the fault is mine - "You're crazy", "you're over thinking things", "you only think the worst of your mum", "it didn't happen in that way" and I feel like I've been gaslit big time. She has recently said to me ‘blood is thicker than water’ to try and tell me to let go of all the things that happen within our family, but I am sick of being a doormat all my life. She occasionally also guilt trips me by saying “I won’t have long to live”, “I miss the old you” and speak about all the great things she did for me in my younger days. My husband also feels like he has put up with her for long enough. He has always been respectful to her, even though she can be difficult to deal with. But when she's unhappy with something, she lashes out at him/his family, and he's had enough. To protect my mental health, I have distanced myself from her. But is this the only approach to this? Am I in the wrong for standing up for myself and my husband? I still love my mum and I don’t want our relationship to be this way, but at the same time I don’t know what else I can do, if anything.

Lucy2388 Hi, silent treatment and depression
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’ve been married for 14 years. When me and my husband fight generally it’s because of something I’ve done to hurt him, I tend to get quite loud and reactive, as I feel he is always telling me that I’m doing something wrong, or not considering hi... View more

Hi, I’ve been married for 14 years. When me and my husband fight generally it’s because of something I’ve done to hurt him, I tend to get quite loud and reactive, as I feel he is always telling me that I’m doing something wrong, or not considering him. We separated a couple years ago for a few months and when we re connected I made all these promises to change. Unfortunately I have not been consistent and recently been diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD. My husband when we fight is never to blame, never apologises or engages in my feelings or allows for me to explain anything. Instead he will walk off not speak to me and sometimes I get louder as I am begging for him to speak to me. Then I get mad and sometimes say hurtful things. I’m in that boat again now and I haven’t raised my voice once, left him to his own devices in the hope he will just move past it however he hasn’t. He has ignored me all day and barely said a word to me. This is all due to me not spending time with him last night because I fell asleep, as I took a break off my meds and it made me very tired. (His suggestion) as the meds were making me ill. He had told me to focus on myself for the day and when I did he turned against me. He always says I don’t love him or care for him and my past relationships I did more for them than I did for him. I don’t know what to do anymore I am numb, and everyone is telling me to call it quits as I’m getting older and need to enjoy my life. However I can’t seem to let go. I have one teenage child and don’t know how I would cope. He also smokes pot daily and says it’s because of me. To escape his reality. I don’t get it I don’t know how to fix it and I’m just stuck in this cycle weekly. Please help any suggestions would be great. I just don’t believe anyone can help me as I feel I’ve tried everything

NickB Addicted to Medication.
  • replies: 1

I'm addicted to my medication. Some pills from a psychiatric doctor that I take every day. Now someone has broken into my house and has been stealing my medication. I don't know what I should do. My families support is non existent.

I'm addicted to my medication. Some pills from a psychiatric doctor that I take every day. Now someone has broken into my house and has been stealing my medication. I don't know what I should do. My families support is non existent.

ganey Moving on after six years
  • replies: 2

I (29F) got married not because I was in love but thinking he is a good man and will take care of me and respect my family as his own. Before my husband i was in a relationship with my ex for six years. it was a serious relationship but my parents es... View more

I (29F) got married not because I was in love but thinking he is a good man and will take care of me and respect my family as his own. Before my husband i was in a relationship with my ex for six years. it was a serious relationship but my parents especially my dad was so against it i had to end it. When i approached my dad saying that i loved that man he got so angry and said "if i see this man i am gonna punch him so hard". These were the exact words that came of of his mouth. i was heartbroken, i could never share this to my ex. As much as i loved my ex I just felt i had to end the relationship because my family was my first priority. i just stopped thinking about every thing. my future, my career just to escape the feeling of heart break. it was as if i was just living , life will take me wherever it wants. it was around the same time when I was approached by my now husband and only a a week later we started seeing each other. For the first few months i used to think "i dont know this person (my husband)" why am i with him. He was a gentleman he respected me and my family, my dad liked him so we shortly got married after 6 months of seeing each other. My husband used to be very possesive back then. i disconnected with all my male friends after marriage. we did fight and everytime i showed how angry i was with how things were, he would be even angrier. and once he got angry he would go mad. he is still the same till this day. i feel like i have suppressed my feelings and myself in a way that does not make him angry. i am six years younger than him and i have things that i want to do but just have to keep it to myself because he thinks its childish. I love going to hiking and swimming, but i haven't done so in these six years because he doesn't want to or he has not interest in it. I used to be very socially active and had many friends but now i dont have any. I used to be so independent before, i worked two jobs, made decisions on my own but now I have become to indecisive and lost my confidence. I just want to be free like before. Recently i got the news my ex got married. I am very happy for him honestly. he found new love and moved on, not like me who ran away. my ex getting married was liberating for me. the feeling of guilt got away from me. suddenly my brain started thinking again, its thinking what my life would be if i was with my ex and its making me crazy. I feel so bad towards my husband and angry of how I have ended up becoming after marriage.

Guest_94500681 What to do when a friend doesn't message back as often
  • replies: 1

So, I've had this friend for about 2 years now and always have a great time talking to them. Recently, she moved to the other side of the city, about an hour drive, and it's made seeing her difficult as we don't share days off work. We still message ... View more

So, I've had this friend for about 2 years now and always have a great time talking to them. Recently, she moved to the other side of the city, about an hour drive, and it's made seeing her difficult as we don't share days off work. We still message every day and organise to hang out whenever we take time off work or if she's down to visit her grandparents, I'll sometimes get invited to come over and play games with them. When she lived close by we messeged constantly and got to see each other all the time, but since the move, she's gotten a boyfriend and barely manages to message me at all, with a full day being the longest I've gone without a reply. I know it could be longer, but it just feels like ages. To give an example of how it goes I'll message at 7am, she'll message back at 9pm that same day, then I'll respond a few minutes after and won't hear from her again until, like, 5pm the next day. I've spoken to her about how long it takes to reply and that It feels like I'm being forgotten and that she never has time to message back, despite being active on social media. She responded, saying that she knows she's gotten pretty bad at responding and is sorry that it keeps happening and does value our friendship, while also saying she'll work on it and try to respond more often. This lated for about a week, then she goes right back to messaging me days later. Now, I totally understand that she can be busy at work or might have something going on at home or is going through something she doesn't want to talk about. Those are totally valid reasons for taking a long time to respond. I just wanna know, what should I do?I've thought about not messaging back for a full day to see if she'll notice or telling her again how I'm feeling, but I also feel that she'll tell me she'll work on it and it only lasting for another week. I just feel like I'm a bad person who's pushing their friend to talk to them because they're lonely and impatient. She's a good friend and I genuinely do care about her, but I also understand that I have to respect whenever she chooses to messsage me back.

Isitme Overthinking is killing my relationship
  • replies: 4

I have a bf of nearly 12 months and we pretty much live together. But I am a chronic overthinker and it really gets to him and makes so much mess between us. I have childhood trauma and also trauma from a DV relationship. I get jealous when he does f... View more

I have a bf of nearly 12 months and we pretty much live together. But I am a chronic overthinker and it really gets to him and makes so much mess between us. I have childhood trauma and also trauma from a DV relationship. I get jealous when he does fun things with other people. I want to be with him all the time and his moods ect effect me. I am so over it. I am waiting for therapy but I need help. Has anyone got any strategies or ideas that could help me?

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