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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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scallopsarenice Relationship advice appreciated, I have a boyfriend but met someone new recently
  • replies: 3

I met the other person (Adam) at work… just several weeks ago, and we hit it off immediately. We have been seeing each other a couple times a week now regularly outside of work, going on dates. When we met we spoke about our past relationships. I did... View more

I met the other person (Adam) at work… just several weeks ago, and we hit it off immediately. We have been seeing each other a couple times a week now regularly outside of work, going on dates. When we met we spoke about our past relationships. I did tell him a had a boyfriend however, so I thought that would be it. We hung out after work, that night I went back to his place and we watched some Netflix and just chatted as friends. Next day we hung out again, and we had a long convo about our troubles and I also talked about how I have a friend with benefits, one thing led to the next and we were in bed together. The physical chemistry is great and I actually really enjoy it with Adam; prior I have not enjoyed it as I have had some bad experiences. He also ticks a lot of boxes in terms of my ideal guy in terms of height, body type/build, career & education, life goals just to name some. The problem is I have a boyfriend. We live together and it’s been difficult for me to explain where I’ve been and who with lately (to which I just lie anyway). It also makes any potential breakup even more difficult. I don’t want to break his heart because he thinks that we’re going to be together forever. My family loves him as well. In general my relationship with my bf (half a year younger than me, Tom) is loving and great but lacking in the physical compatibility department. I don’t even like kissing him sometimes, and view him more as a best friend nowadays. Tom has a great personality, really loves me, wants to trust me (he doesn’t know abt my cheating). For Tom, I’m his first girlfriend and he hasn’t had experience. I don’t know if I can marry someone who physically is incompatible but compatible personality and interest-wise. I feel he lacks the desirable characteristics and street smart skills that Adam has, but again Adam is older. I want to find out more about Adam first before I make any life changing decisions. I was told that work flings dont usually work out, or that people wouldn’t date and trust someone who was already in a relationship when they met. Should I keep seeing Adam and see how things go? Should I break up with my current bf? Im worried this is some kind of honeymoon stage and that the same cycle will repeat. I really do want Adam to like me and for us to become something but it’d be at a huge cost and gamble at this stage. Another option would be to stop seeing Adam despite how much I like him right now, and get back to my relationship with Tom

MattW5 MattW
  • replies: 1

Hi All, Long story short, my wife & parents do not get along, I put it down to different personalities & lack of understanding each other, my parents are simple easy going people but my wife has a more serious structured approach to things. Basically... View more

Hi All, Long story short, my wife & parents do not get along, I put it down to different personalities & lack of understanding each other, my parents are simple easy going people but my wife has a more serious structured approach to things. Basically this causes friction, between both sides & i am continually stuck in the middle of it which is extremely hurtful depressing, my wife continually says i need to put her & my son first, which in her mind is to back her up & tell my parents off, when she is just as much if not more in the wrong, the final straw was in when we went on family trip to Fiji with my parents back in March things were going smoothly, until 4 days in we had dinner together & my parents didn’t offer to pay the bill, at the beginning i said split the bills as we were paying she made a comment to me saying your parents are tight asses & didn’t even get a free meal out of them, i reacted by saying stop being childish i said split bill. The next morning we had a day trip planned together & she continued to make sly comments all day trying to get my parents to react, after the day had finished my wife went for a walk & my parents ordered room service for our son to our room, as i was feeding him my Mum knocked on my door to see if he got his food, i let her in as i shut the door my wife was outside & said great you shut the door in my face, this just set everything off i didn’t see her she then turned on my Mum saying she saw me coming & didn’t say anything they argued back & forth, as my Mum raised her voice my wife discreetly pulled her phone out to record her, while sitting calmly in the corner of the room with the intent to make my Mum look bad, my Mum left the room & my wife sent the footage back home to her family to have open commentary on it without knowing the full story of the drama my wife caused. It is now July she won’t let my parents see my son, nor let me see them without putting up resistance, i cannot ring them at home nothing, she said to only speak with them 2 times a week, i speak to them through the week while i am on my way home from work & this still bothers her yet she speaks to her parents every day & expects me have more to do with her parents then my own parents. I feel unless i cut ties with my family she will never be satisfied, it’s not going to happen so i am miserable. i just want to be able to have my son see my parents & also freely talk & see them by flying up to visit as i live away from them.

Toochatty Obsessed with my Mates wife
  • replies: 20

Hey Guys I need to get it off my chest as I can’t tell anyone about it and it’s tearing Me up. I am a married man& My Mate is also Married. His wife is a very kind caring person and the first time I had a one on one chat with her she really impressed... View more

Hey Guys I need to get it off my chest as I can’t tell anyone about it and it’s tearing Me up. I am a married man& My Mate is also Married. His wife is a very kind caring person and the first time I had a one on one chat with her she really impressed Me. The more I got to know her the more I liked her & really liked her. I would make up excuses to talk to her or txt her about trivial things, when she would reply to a txt it made me feel really good. I have sent her a lot of txt messages and she always replies but I know she has never messaged me first only replying to Mine. She doesn’t wear provocative clothing but I find her incredibly sexy , I keep looking at her photos on Facebook , when I hear She has spoken to another Man I get jealous. I fantasise about being with her & I can’t stop thinking about her. When I’m around her I feel like a dog on heat & nothing else matters. I know I shouldn’t feel this way about My mates wife but I do , I’m in love/lust/obsessed Obviously I can’t talk to My wife or Mate about this and I am scared to tell My mates wife in case she doesn’t feel the same and tells everyone not sure what to do hey

AudreyOnTrack Financially trapped with an angry husband
  • replies: 2

I really need some perspective. My husband says I'm blowing things out of proportion, of course, but I think my concerns are valid.My husband has anxiety. He grew up in an abusive household. I am now afraid he is perpetuating the cycle of anger and a... View more

I really need some perspective. My husband says I'm blowing things out of proportion, of course, but I think my concerns are valid.My husband has anxiety. He grew up in an abusive household. I am now afraid he is perpetuating the cycle of anger and anxiety with our children. We have a one-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son together, and I have a teenage daughter from a previous relationship.Now, we all know how anger rules a household, and this is something that he knows from his own childhood, but I believe he doesn't think his anger is a concern to the rest of the family because he is not as aggressive as his own father was. But just because he is not as bad as his own father was doesn't mean it's still not bad. I would also argue that he is not as bad as his own father because I have stood up for my children time and time again - if I hadn't, I'm not sure my husband would have put in the effort to try and control his anger.The breaking point was yesterday morning when our son spat out a mouthful of breakfast and my husband got mad, then started yelling in our son's face, "Stop crying, there's nothing wrong". I jumped in and took our son out of the situation immediately. I withdrew, got the kids and myself ready and went to work/daycare dropoff and didn't speak to my husband all day. When I tried to talk to him after the kids went to bed, he got angry that I didn't bring this all up this morning and left him to have a horrible day. He doesn't think this is as big a deal as I'm making it out to be, and that he's just trying to teach our son to listen to him. But then in the next breath was saying that he made a mistake and that I'm just waiting for him to make mistakes so I can accuse him of...I don't even know what. It's a whole convoluted situation. I would actually like to leave. I would like my children to grow up in a peaceful household. But even though I work a very decent job and earn a decent wage, I have three children to house and cloth and give a good childhood to - I'm not sure that leaving will be the best thing, mostly because that's another thing my husband said last night; that I'm putting the children at a huge financial disadvantage and I'll never be able to afford them. Oh, and that I'll be ruining his relationship with his children. Please, I need some perspective. Is there any chance I am actually blowing this whole situation out of proportion, and that his behaviour isn't really bad for the kids?

AudreyOnTrack I snooped on my daughter's phone and found out her stepmother undermines me
  • replies: 4

My daughter is 14. She and I have what I perceive to be a great relationship - she talks to me, laughs with me, tells me who she has a crush on, gets excited when we spend one on one time together, gets angry at me when I tell her "no" and every now ... View more

My daughter is 14. She and I have what I perceive to be a great relationship - she talks to me, laughs with me, tells me who she has a crush on, gets excited when we spend one on one time together, gets angry at me when I tell her "no" and every now and then comes and cuddles on the couch when we watch TV. She spends half her time with me, and half her time at her dad's house.Her father has a wife and together they have three other children. My daughter loves her stepmother, referring to her as her "other mum". That's fine. But I started to have my suspicions about how her stepmother talks about me. There were little things, like my daughter saying things to me that she clearly hadn't thought of herself. Offering opinions that clearly weren't her own.So I looked through her phone. Yes, I know that's not ok. I know it's private and that it was an invasion of privacy. It came from a place of genuine concern. I found that I was right, my daughter's stepmother openly and actively undermines me, says nasty things about me and seems to be trying to get my daughter to hate me.Things I found:1. Repeated instances of stepmother encouraging my daughter not to talk to me until I respond to messages stepmother sent me.2. Screenshots of message I sent to stepmother and she makes fun of my good grammar ("I mean, why does she feel the need to write so formally, it's just a message, it's like she's trying to show off!) I'm a professional brand writer; it's just how I write.3. Turning things I say into running jokes. For example, I had been encouraging my daughter to find a hobby to get her away from screens, and there were repeated instances of "haha, maybe that should be your hobby!".4. Many, many times where stepmother says things like, "I mean, I should just ask your mum to come have a coffee with me so we can be friends, but your mum would never come", which, for the record, she has never done.She also calls me rude. Now, to be honest, I am not the most friendly person to her, because I have had my suspicions for a long time about what has been going on. I am not overly friendly, I am polite, but never rude. I don't actually care what she says about me. But I do care that my daughter has this constant barrage of negative talk about me because it's never my daughter who instigates it, and she doesn't wholeheartedly engage in any of this. I want to put a stop to it.What do I do?

jd03 Unsure what to do at this point… :/
  • replies: 2

So it’s my birthday today. I’m only young hut I feel like a complete mess and I’m so scared my mental health is going to keep getting worse (like it has been) until I can’t bear it any more. Anyway, I had such a great day and was so happy to finally ... View more

So it’s my birthday today. I’m only young hut I feel like a complete mess and I’m so scared my mental health is going to keep getting worse (like it has been) until I can’t bear it any more. Anyway, I had such a great day and was so happy to finally have a carefree day where I could just relax and be myself. But we went to walk our dogs and a small fight broke out, where dad simply raised his voice slightly. This was a nothing fight but for some reason it made me a little upset because I feel like I can’t even go one day without upsetting someone/making someone angry at me (not even my birthday). I never used to be this sensitive, however I think a combination of anxiety, depression and a history of getting yelled at and getting lectured makes even small things upset me now. I should also mention that my depression/depressive states often get mistaken for me being grouchy too (which leads to everyone getting mad at me). Anyway when we got home I was giving it my all to hold back my tears (because I didn’t want my family to think I was upset on my birthday). I was basically told that I have no reason to be upset over such a small thing and that I have to have more tolerance over things like this. ‘Having more tolerance’ is kind of like a trigger phase for me now. Sometimes I am intolerant to some annoying noises etc but I get told this phrase day after day and it really hurts sometimes because it makes it feel like my emotions are invalid and I’m just a sook/cry baby. I just don’t know what to do because I love dad with all my heart and I’m the luckiest person material wise, but it really scars me when he gets mad so often and I have to just hold my emotions in. I’m so lucky to have what I have and I love my parents so much but at the same time I worry that I’m being emotionally damaged by staying at home (even though I don’t have the means to move away right now), but I also don’t want dad to be isolated and lonely when he tries to look after our family so well. I just feel like I’m stuck in this impossible situation and quite isolated and I just want to know that there is someone else out there who can relate or provide some advice. I feel like all my opinions are invalid but at the same time I love my family so much and I don’t know what to do. I’m just really down and I don’t like crying in bed alone on my birthday I just don’t know if what I feel is valid sometimes or not, and I’d really like to find out how to tell. Thanks all.

amirha Dilemma (regarding child safety)
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone,I hope this is ok to ask here...I am autism and don't interact/understand people very well, so I'm not quite sure how to handle this situation.I moved to a new home about 1.5 years ago. I have neighbours a few doors up where the man of th... View more

Hi everyone,I hope this is ok to ask here...I am autism and don't interact/understand people very well, so I'm not quite sure how to handle this situation.I moved to a new home about 1.5 years ago. I have neighbours a few doors up where the man of the house (young family) screams (extremelly loudly, lots of profanities, calling them names) at the mother and children in a way that has me in tears some days (especially hearing the children sobbing and the mother begging him to stop).A few times I have felt sure he was going to seriously harm someone. I don't know them well, but the mother expresses publicly she is very happy and in the best relationship she has ever been in. The family members I have confided to about this have said it's not my business and to stay out of it.But I have been in many violent situations as a child and I’m not sure people who haven’t been in those situations understand just how terrifying (and damaging) it is for children.Well after several hours of him screaming at them this afternoon I am feeling very overwhelmed and torn about what to do.Do I report this? Is there any way I can assess if I am just over reacting?Feeling very torn and confused.

ivory2023 Alone, and hurting.
  • replies: 2

I am 22 years old and dealing with daily life seems like a chore. This is my story. It really started with my first love, who I met a few years ago, during lockdown. I count my lucky stars that our paths crossed, because despite everything I'm about ... View more

I am 22 years old and dealing with daily life seems like a chore. This is my story. It really started with my first love, who I met a few years ago, during lockdown. I count my lucky stars that our paths crossed, because despite everything I'm about to say, he's a seriously good person. So, he had bipolar, and the thing is, I'm an empath through and through, a heart the size of mountains, and I gave too much. So I've come out on the other side of our relationship with nothing left. He ended things because we argued so much. Many things occurred during this relationship that have left me traumatised, including having to terminate a pregnancy, while he was sipping cocktails in Spain. When I struggled with the fallout, he asked me why I couldn't "just get over it". The thing is, he never hurt the way that I did, the way that I am. He's an incredibly likeable person, good looking, well connected... he makes friends everywhere he goes. So I feel like I'm left with trauma while he never had to give it a second thought. In fact, he moved on in a matter of weeks. I wonder if he ever truly loved me, or cared, or if he was just scared to be alone. Because he’s incredibly loyal, but does move from girl to girl. He has from a very young age. While dating him, I put on a lot of weight, and at one point, he said that if we weren't together, no one would want to date me. It's been almost a year since the breakup, and I hate that he was right. I've lost a lot of the weight, but thanks to his comments and the trauma, I don't feel worthy. No one really notices me. The city I live in, you're nobody if you're not skinny. And everyone knows my ex in some way or another, and likes him, so I've never felt more isolated. We used to bond over music and music events, the one thing that seriously brought me joy in life, but now I’ve been stripped of that too, because of his connections, and I've got no one to experience them with. The stuff with my ex would be bearable if I had a solid social circle, but for a reason I'm still trying to understand, I've never attracted quality friends, even though I've always showered people with kindness. This hurts just as much as the trauma from my ex. I'm starting to feel like something is severely wrong with me. I've always been told my day will come, for friends, love, etc.. but I don't think I believe that anymore. I feel like I've got no one and nothing to show for my 22 years of living. Other than, of course, severe pain and loneliness.

Lost_in_Space Relationship problems
  • replies: 1

I believe I may be in a toxic relationship and a victim of emotional violence. Since the start of the relationship everything has been on her terms. We need to get engaged. We need to get married. You need to not have this friend, you need to not hav... View more

I believe I may be in a toxic relationship and a victim of emotional violence. Since the start of the relationship everything has been on her terms. We need to get engaged. We need to get married. You need to not have this friend, you need to not have that friend. Whenever I don’t agree it results in silent treatment for 2-3 days then straight back to normal. It is worth noting that she claims to have been in a domestic violence relationship 8 years previously to me. That was her last serious relationship. She has a 15yo from it. I have an 8yo from my past marriage. A year or so ago, not long after we married, she went through my phone and Mac and saw everything that apple had stored on me for the last 10 years. Friends, photos, messages etc. The majority of was information was in my past but she did find out I’d had conversations with ex girlfriends, generally looking for advice on her but a few flirty connotations in there too. I agreed to get rid of everything including friends and concentrate on her. Fast forward 9 months. I’ve now been married for a year. She now works for the same department I do. knows a lot of the same people I do and apparently digs for information about me. She checks my phone regularly including messages to my family and chastises me if she thinks I’ve deleted anything. She is emotionally manipulative (silent treatment when not getting her way) She creates arguments from anything. And I mean anything. Always bringing the past up in an attempt to win. (I ignore arguments now, it’s easier). I have 2 friends left. Both male. I am not allowed female friends under any circumstances. She accuses me of gaslighting and being a narcissist. On occasions I have actually written things down to make sure I know if have done something or not. If anything I believe I’m being gaslighted with little lies. She goes mad when I ask her son to do anything in the house like cleaning up. Always then relating back to mine and asking if mine is going to do it too. She puts herself down and says it’s because I don’t show her the same love I showed my past partners or I don’t love her. Work colleagues There’s probably more I need to write but I’m not thinking straight. I know I should just leave but It feels so hard after everything. Like I’m a failure.