Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Junoav How to carry on with a Narcissistic wife?
  • replies: 9

I didn't understand the term at first but i think she has always been a narcissistic. At every workplace, there's always another 'conspiracy' to force her out; every boss is bad and corrupted; therefore she's never been able to stay in any place for ... View more

I didn't understand the term at first but i think she has always been a narcissistic. At every workplace, there's always another 'conspiracy' to force her out; every boss is bad and corrupted; therefore she's never been able to stay in any place for more than 2 years or so. Around 3 to 4 years ago, in order to reduce such 'stress' for her, I've got her to work as a carer, as there's less interactions with adults, and she loves to care for kids. Since Covid-19 happened, work is drastically reduced. Probably that impacted her mentally somewhat, but these days she's reluctant to take on new work even when she's available. She will say that she's tired for rejecting those jobs. Since there's no work, and there's no one to penalise fault with, it sort of defaulted to me. I'm her new enemy now. Daily life felt like skirting around broken glasses to avoid altercation. Around this time, she starts to devolved. Anything related to our home-country, or people, is strictly a non-topic starter. She starts avoiding friends (we don't have many since they are already hard to come by with her attitude making such relations always awkward). So around 4 months ago or so, there aren't anymore bedroom activities (i also got mentally scarred when she rejected me by screaming and telling me "I'm not her husband") I have been sleeping in the garage since. We have been together 20 years in total - 16 yrs married - but now I don't know how to live with her anymore. I can't divorce her since she's not working, it will be tough for her, her family are in back in her home-country, there's no one really to care for her then. Out of the 4 members in our family, only 1 of my kid, and myself are Australians now. I cannot leave her uncared for, my young kids also don't want us to divorce, but here i am, a 40 yr old, crying every weekend for multiple weeks to months now. I felt so lonely inside, i want to tell my parents/friends, but I don't dare/want to burden them only when i am sad. I feel sick to the stomach at times. I gave up my life in my country and citizenship because of her need to get away from her home-country. I have no friends here because i can't maintain any relationship without her stomping all over it. I have no other family members here other than my kids and her. I really feel so sick and tired after another quarrel. Sorry I just need an place to vent my sorrows.

TheHumanSeed 28 TG:F - Isolated and have no social connections
  • replies: 4

So to make a long story short, Im a 28yro transgender female with autism, and i dont have any friends acquaintances or familial connections. I was abused quite badly as a child by my step father, who used to physically assault me daily.. It got so ba... View more

So to make a long story short, Im a 28yro transgender female with autism, and i dont have any friends acquaintances or familial connections. I was abused quite badly as a child by my step father, who used to physically assault me daily.. It got so bad that i tried to end my life at 11yro, then by 14yro i had premeditated a plan to live on the streets it got so bad. The thing that made it worse is that my mother practically emotionally neglected me and ignored this abuse until he hit her (which we moved away from him afterwards). I was later kicked out of home after altercations occured between myself and my brother.and ended up living with my grandparents until the end of year 12. As a result of all this, i feel that i am not really equipped to make friends or connect with people like others seem to be able to do normally. I somehoelw managed to make a small group of friends at university, being fool, but they fell off the planet after I transitioned. I also had a few relationships but they fell through within 8 months, due to issues with my GD and emotional baggage. The thing is I feel like no matter how hard I try to interact with other people to make friends, they just seem to want to back off. Its not like im going all BPD on them and getting in their faces or being overly intense, they just seem to not be interested at all. Same when it comes to the dating scene, before transition id get like a match a month, but now it seems like i get nothing at all. I honestly dont know what to do anymore, im tired of having to be so proactive to create some kind of relationship with someone all the time. I feel utterly isolated and alone. I have no one but my university councillor to connect with at an emotional level, I just feel that im worthless and that no one wants to take the time to know me. Im tired of having to cry into a pillow and play the part of my own therapist because theres no one else on the planet who can just give me a hug and tell me everythings going to be alright. My resilience is usually quite high and i used to be able to emotionally blunt myself, but i cant do that anymore. Resilience seems to be the only thing left that im running off and i feel its starting to rub thin. Im not sure what else i can do.

Jester3 Bpd and starting relationships
  • replies: 1

hi there<3i have been sort of diagnosed with BPD for almost a year. I'm under 18 so I've been told i cant properly get diagnosed yet, but my doctors and therapist are confident I have it because it's pretty obvious. now that i know more about BPD im ... View more

hi there<3i have been sort of diagnosed with BPD for almost a year. I'm under 18 so I've been told i cant properly get diagnosed yet, but my doctors and therapist are confident I have it because it's pretty obvious. now that i know more about BPD im alot more aware of my actions, which is good and bad. an example of it being bad is how i dont know whether my anger towards someone is justified or not, making it harder for me to confront people when im upset because i feel as though im crazy or overreacting. my biggest issue though involves relationships. i have never had a significant other and really struggle with dating. whenever i begin dating someone, whether or not i genuinely like them or not, as soon as we start dating its like my body shuts down. i feel emotionally disconnected from the person. i could literally be in love with the person but as soon as i kiss them, date them or do anything remotely romantic with them i switch off. it is so genuinely frustrating, i dont know how to stop. recently, i went on a date with a girl. i did like her before we went on the date and began being closer. but after the date i feel emotionally disconnected again. like i dont feel the romantic or physical attraction i once had. i no longer want to date, i dont want to talk to them and i just want to be by myself. i dont think im aromatic or anything because i do want to date someone but the switch from liking someone to completely shutting down as soon as things advance is so annoying. sometimes when this happens i have to break things off with the other person, but as more time passes i find myself regretting it and wanting them back. i dont understand why im like this and i hate that i hurt people when i do it. i dont even know if its my BPD or because i hate being vulnerable or something else entirely, but if what i wrote makes any sense i would love to know what is wrong with me and how i can fix it.

Bestha Bestha
  • replies: 1

Hi I am feeling very lonely these days even I am with my husband and I feel like something missing. I don't know how to make myself happy and nobody is trying to understand me.When I express my feelings to others they were like nothing has happened t... View more

Hi I am feeling very lonely these days even I am with my husband and I feel like something missing. I don't know how to make myself happy and nobody is trying to understand me.When I express my feelings to others they were like nothing has happened to you, you’re perfectly fine and you are just overthinking it.I stopped telling my feelings to others.I have difficulty in making friends and I don't know where to find them.I feel like I may die of loneliness and sadness one day. I loosing hopes in my life and I am not able to imagine my future. All I want right now is to be understood, to be loved, to be supported, to be able to enjoy my life, to be happy Could you please suggest me

Confused_Unsure I think my Dad is in the closet
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I’m in my late 20s and my Dad is in his early 60s. I am 99% sure he is either bisexual or gay (which doesn’t bother me if he is). I’m concerned as I think he is struggling with his sexuality/scared to tell anyone and I’m also concerned abou... View more

Hi there, I’m in my late 20s and my Dad is in his early 60s. I am 99% sure he is either bisexual or gay (which doesn’t bother me if he is). I’m concerned as I think he is struggling with his sexuality/scared to tell anyone and I’m also concerned about his mental health. He and my mother have been married for over 30 years and I’m not sure whether she knows or not? I found out as I stupidly went through his phone when I was younger (which as I’ve matured and realised my parents are also adults and entitled to privacy was a big no no). I also saw he was taking medication that prevents HIV infection. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about this or my dad for a few reasons so just wanted some advice. 1 - I’m worried about both my mum and my dads mental health. I think my mum knows deep down but she would never say anything and would suffer in silence and the same with my dad. 2. I’m worried my dad may possibly be using illicit drugs cause he seems to come back to my apartment and has glassy eyes, looks high etc. It’s starting to impact on my life as well and so now I feel like I need to step in but I don’t know if I should? It all seems to be getting worse and I dunno who to talk to.

Aspie_Sam 34 year old trying to move out of my comfort zone
  • replies: 3

Hi all,First time posting. A bit about me. I'm a 34-year-old man with high-functioning Asperger's syndrome. When looked at from the outside, my life would seem pretty good. A nice job with a decent salary, maybe not the role I want but with a pathway... View more

Hi all,First time posting. A bit about me. I'm a 34-year-old man with high-functioning Asperger's syndrome. When looked at from the outside, my life would seem pretty good. A nice job with a decent salary, maybe not the role I want but with a pathway to it, a decent studio apartment in a wealthy suburb, a loyal dog to keep me company, and loving parents. Unfortunately, I have a lot of social anxieties. I have one close-ish group of friends who I text with on a regular basis and might see once a month if that and other individuals that I would catch up with at most twice a year. I've never been in a relationship, there were a couple of people that were close but I just couldn't seem to make the next step before I eventually lost contact for one reason or another (them moving overseas, me changing jobs, etc.). My weekend plans usually consist of my parents taking me and my dog to a park (I don't have a driver's licence) and then myself just playing video games or other non-social things around the home(on the plus side, building up a sweet collection of lego sets). I have a meetup that I go to on Thursday nights but I tend to focus on the activity rather than the other people. Because of all this, I feel that I don't look forward to the weekend the way others do as I don't really get any social interaction, and then it's back to work again. I want to be able to stop this cycle but I feel so comfortable with it. I seem to have a counterargument for every possible opportunity. I'm sure there are others on here that have been in similar situations, how did you deal with it?

Krissage BPD breakup
  • replies: 2

Hey guys,So I recently went through a long distance relationship just over 4 intense months with someone who has bpd. I myself have bpd also and this relationship impacted me like no other. I felt sick with jealousy (polyamorous) to the point I was a... View more

Hey guys,So I recently went through a long distance relationship just over 4 intense months with someone who has bpd. I myself have bpd also and this relationship impacted me like no other. I felt sick with jealousy (polyamorous) to the point I was actually vomiting. When we broke up it was confusing and they begged me to wait for them to be better and come out of the ward. When they came out they have been distant and I'd be lucky to get one message a day. I thought I had moved on but when I see their tiktok and feel sick again, they are flirting with someone new. I try talking to them but they ignore me. How do I move on

dirtbiker Struggling with relationships
  • replies: 19

Hi everyone this is my first post and I only just signed up so I don’t really know what to do. I’m a girl (she/her) btw. I struggle with anxiety, ocd etc. In 2019 I met this guy I really liked we’ll call him J and he was in the grade above me but we ... View more

Hi everyone this is my first post and I only just signed up so I don’t really know what to do. I’m a girl (she/her) btw. I struggle with anxiety, ocd etc. In 2019 I met this guy I really liked we’ll call him J and he was in the grade above me but we where in the same classes. In 2020 I saw him but never really spoke to him anymore and I still liked him. In 2021 I didn’t see him at all as he was at another school and I had no contact with him. This year I’ve been seeing him daily at school and I emailed him pretty early in the year and I got his number and we where talking as friends. Than he randomly stopped messaging back and we haven’t texted in months. There was only one person who knew about him (my best friend) and she informed me that he just randomly added her on Snapchat (I don’t have any social media btw) so she was trying to make me jealous and making fun of me. I thought this sounded weird as he didn’t even know her and the truth is she emailed him asking for his Snapchat. I feel very mad at her and I feel betrayed I just feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore. I also really wished I had guy friends and I thought J was going to be friends with me and I don’t know what to do about anything. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’ve probably missed some information but thanks for reading.

LifePF Trust Break
  • replies: 2

Hi Guys,I am completely broken and feel to cry all the times. I am really depressed and feel no one is here for me. I love my husband from core of my heart and we are married from last 14 years...we have lots of ups and downs but I always tried to be... View more

Hi Guys,I am completely broken and feel to cry all the times. I am really depressed and feel no one is here for me. I love my husband from core of my heart and we are married from last 14 years...we have lots of ups and downs but I always tried to be there for him and accepted him, thinking one day he will fall in love with me but it never happened. For him, his family is his first priority and he can even beat me if I raise any concerns. He support them by all means...transfer alot of money to his brother and never tell me. If I ask him anything he hides and denied like he never did anything for them. He does send money to his mum...which I believe is OK as she is his mom but still he never mentioned me any thing. Even some time he has to, he will tell me when already he sent some gifts but that too very occasionally. I feel bad as he behaves like I am not part of his family ...and he keeps on manipulating things and argue will me if I ask him anything Sometimes I think I maybe wrong if he is not telling me anything but I really feel bad if he has done something but lies to me ... Please please please...I beg ...need advise if I am overthinking ...I am getting broken and feel to cry as I love him unconditionally and he don't feel to share his things with me...I am really hurt with all these and now can't control my self...feel like I am a useless person in his life...

trying_to_improve Anxiety and relationship ending
  • replies: 9

Hi, this is my first time posting. I (24,F) have struggled with anxiety and depression (unknowingly) for most of my adolescents and adulthood. I had been struggling for the last 3 months with anxiety, but not realising how bad it was impacting me. I ... View more

Hi, this is my first time posting. I (24,F) have struggled with anxiety and depression (unknowingly) for most of my adolescents and adulthood. I had been struggling for the last 3 months with anxiety, but not realising how bad it was impacting me. I have lost focus with my work, I attributed a lot of this to work demands and deadlines, but now that those deadlines have past and my work has taken the pressure off me. I have seen that I'm still struggling, I have been having panic attacks etc.. About 1.5 months ago, I got black-out drunk with friends (I think I drank excessively so I wasn't feeling anxious around people). That night, I was verbally abusive to my partner, saying horrible things about him and also saying how he doesn't love me, or could never love me because I'm such a horrible person. I have seen a psychologist, and learnt that I have a core belief that I'm unlovable. But, to add to this core belief - my long-term partner of 5.5yrs has broken up with me. He said after the hurtful things I had said that drunken night, he just couldn't be with me anymore. He said that I need to be by myself to get better, and that I need to deal with my anxiety myself. He said he couldn't emotionally support me anymore, he said that my constant questioning of his love has strained him. He felt like no matter what he did to show me he loved me, it wasn't good enough for me to feel loved. He also said he needs space to sort out his own issues (he suffers from anxiety as well).I feel horrible about this because in the past he had shown compassion, empathy and love when I was struggling. I tried to tell him that it wouldn't always be like this, and that once I went through therapy things would improve. He expressed that he didn't want to 'burn bridges', and that he wanted to remain friends and maybe in the future we could see where we're at. I don't understand why he would say that, if you wanted to end things, wouldn't you want to remove that person completely from your life?I constantly spiral thinking that this wouldn't be happening if I hadn't of gotten drunk that night and said mean things to him (which I don't remember what I said). I have very few friends or family that understand, everyone else has their own issues, and I'm burdening everyone. I want to get the love and support from my ex-partner, but I know if I do that it isn't respecting the time/space he asked for.How can I love myself again?