Feeling alone and betrayed

[RA2012]

Hi everyone,

I’m new here. I’m almost a single mum and my partner transitioned and moved away to another city. Since then, they’ve become distant and it feels like they’ve erased every good thing we ever had together. On top of that, I discovered dishonesty in the relationship which has left me feeling shattered and betrayed.

The pain feels overwhelming. It’s like everything we built has been rewritten as if it never mattered, and I’m left alone with all the memories. They don’t let me talk about past and call me and every memory toxic. I don’t really have close friends or family I can talk to, and I feel so heavy carrying this by myself. Chat GPT has only been my confidant but there is no human connection.

I just want to find a safe place to share and maybe connect with people who understand what betrayal and abandonment feel like. Right now, I feel incredibly alone and I wish this ache in my chest would ease.

Thank you for listening.

[Sophie_M]

Hi RA2012,

A very warm welcome to the Forums. We’re so glad you’ve found us during what sounds like an incredibly challenging time. It’s a heavy burden to carry alone and we hope that by sharing here it helps lighten that load, even just a little.

It sounds like you’ve experienced a major life upheaval, and it’s completely understandable that this would take a toll on your wellbeing. Feeling like you’re not allowed to talk about it only adds to that sense of isolation. Please know that you’re not alone. Our community is here to support you and hold space for you to share whatever you’re feeling.

Thank you again for opening up. We’re sure more members of our lovely community will soon see your post and offer additional support. In the meantime, here are some existing posts on the Forums that might be helpful - even if just to remind you that you’re not alone.

Take good care of yourself today, RA2012 💙

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[sbella02]

RA2012,

Thank you so much for opening up to us here, and we warmly welcome you to the forums.

My heart breaks for you, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation. I can only imagine how painful it must be for you, and how invalidating it must feel to have your past memories be labelled by somebody as toxic, especially somebody you used to share a close bond with.

I can relate to the sense of betrayal and abandonment in some sense. I had a partner last year who moved away and decided that, due to the distance, they were no longer interested in keeping up a long-distance relationship with me and, in a very roundabout way, explained that they now viewed me as "just a screen" rather than a person. It was incredibly hurtful, and made worse by the fact that several months later, they began a new long distance relationship with somebody else after indicating that this was not their preferred way of beginning a relationship. That stung. It still continues to sting, to be honest. 

Time has been my absolute best friend in terms of healing from this hurt. I've waited it out, in the hopes that one day I'll wake up and it won't affect me anymore, as has been the case with past partners. But in the meantime, in my experience, difficult relationship break-ups are best dealt with by listening to what your body needs in a given moment.

I cried a lot in those first few weeks, when I had the space to. There were several moments when I was in public where I felt I could not cry, so I would save that for when I was alone in my room at home. Giving yourself "sad time" or "worry time" can help, as it can be useful if you're struggling with difficult thoughts or feelings during the day. You simply tell yourself to save them for your "worry time" later, and then allow yourself the space to worry, cry, yell, laugh... you do whatever you feel is necessary at that time. 

Writing letters or journalling are another two of my favourite activities to do when I am struggling. I've written so many journal entries that were addressed to my ex that I never intend for anyone to see, but it has helped to be able to articulate exactly what I'm feeling and what I would want to say, if given the opportunity. 

I hope some of this advice can resonate with you. Please feel free to keep chatting with us, we're here for you during this difficult time.

All the best, SB