Husband's ex is lying and hurting my family

[Melisma]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years. I have 2 kids from before, he has a daughter from before, and we have a son together. He was with his last partner for 8 years. She has a few different mental health issues, and these have caused us some serious issues. They are in family court battling for custody of their daughter. My step daughter and I have a great relationship, which seems to make her mother (the ex) extremely jealous, to the point that she has been threatening to make false allegations of physical abuse of her daughter against me. This is after threatening to tell the police that my husband Sexually Assaulted her (he didnt).

I am almost constantly on edge worrying that she is going to follow through on her threats, and feel anxious due to lies she tries to tell her daughter about us.

She has lied in court paperwork, and im fearful that she has lied to our friends as well. I dont feel like we can trust anyone, and feel like we are constantly under the microscope. 

All the stress has made me a reactive mother to all the kids, and I hate that they are having to experience it. 

I feel so overwhelmed and lost.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

This is a testing time for you both. A big challenge is to accept that when someone feels so scorned, they throw mud and as life has it- much of it sticks. This results in some people choosing her side, believing her account of events or non events. So what can you do about that?

• Accept that you'll lose contacts and those you lose judge you by vicious rumours so they are not of the quality level that you need in your life
• Accept that the mental issues she has including personality disorders if any could mean she has limited control
• Seek out a restraining order for yourself 

A no contact order from the court operates like this- you fill out an application at a court. She will receive a copy of your application. She can then respond. You get a copy of her response. It goes to court where you and her will be questioned and a ruling made that can include various restrictions on her or your application dismissed 

Also you can get a solicitor to send a letter to her warning that any future false claims or defamation could result in action. 

Your partner and yourself can change how you discuss any matter pertaining to her.

• Limit discussion on topics of her to a time limit say 20 minutes. Get on with happiness 
• Set aside periods of discussion with zero distractions
• Be aware your husband could blame himself. He'll need reassuring 
• Have faith in the legal process because frivolous lies aren't permitted in courts - facts only
• Remind yourselves that in a few short years your step daughter will be old enough to make up her own mind on her life and be independent 

Being a step parent is not easy and you dont need such upheaval. I did know a lady in a similar situation that wrote a lovely letter to her husbands ex wife telling her that she respects her blood motherhood and desires to not speak ill of her in the company of her daughter, that as a step mother she endeavors just to be more of a friend to the child. It worked but every case is different. 

I hope that helps.

TonyWK