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Family issues/brother’s GF

shanna_d
Community Member
Today was so upsetting for me. I was ganged up on by my own brother and his GF. His GF always points out things I do wrong which I don’t, and I’m always helping out whenever I can. My brother has since changed since his GF came into the picture. She is very manipulative and gets him on her side to turn against me. I’ve tried so hard to be nice to her and once I thought she was being nice to me too, but now I realise it was all just to get in with the family. I don’t know how to feel right now. I was bullied enough at school. But I never thought my own flesh and blood would turn on me the way he did just to please his GF. Before she came along, he used to back me up 100%. He would defend me and get really mad if someone gave me a hard time. I haven’t done anything wrong. Yet they both ganged up on me for no reason at all. She has mental illness, medical problems, family issues etc and i feel bad for her, but that’s not my fault. We welcomed her into our home because of her family issues, but now it doesn’t seem very good anymore. Each week his GF would say bad things to me and my mum can count the amounts of things she says to me on one hand. She blew up at her today because of it and confronted them both. I was in tears the whole time. My dad was angry too. But my brother defended her and not me. Even though deep down he knew my mum was right about how she was treating me. It was horrible. I’m shocked and I have no idea how to feel right now. I’ve been so kind to her. But she doesn’t seem to care. I don’t know what’s going to happen now and I’m scared. I’m upset and I don’t know what’s going to end up happening. We’ve all been through enough already. My mum was in and out of hospital last year because she was ill, and this year our dog has something wrong with his eyes and has to see the vet, which only makes my anxiety even worse. Plus we are struggling financially sometimes and I’m trying to find a job. I just want brighter days ahead. Because right now it feels like a giant dark cloud just hung over us and doesn’t want to go. That explains the weather today too, ironically. If there’s a light at the end of the tunnel I can’t seem to find it right now. I’m praying we get closer to it soon. But I don’t know when that will be. All I can do is hold my breath and pray. Which is what I do every day.
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

The introduction of an inlaw or GF/BF to a family can result in conflict due to various reasons and I've experienced that myself with my first eifes family. I got engaged to the youngest of 5 siblings and upset two GF's of brothers because, they wanted to be engaged first. Yes, jealousy is far underrated as its never admitted so you rarely identify that as a reason.

What is important for you currently is to salvage some sort of level of communication with your brother. This can be commenced a number of ways

  • Wait, let time heal until you are no longer a topic they will be discussing say 3 months
  • A phone call/FB message to your brother on his birthday. Note: not face to face as his GF likely will be present
  • Remember: you owe her nothing but politeness. Being cordial leads to less anxiety at say, family gatherings. Under the circumstances it is reasonable and advisable to keep your distance. It's an art to tread that line but it's much better to do so.
  • What does time do? It changes many things, people mature, they can listen to others and might have regrets, she could be influenced by your brother over time.

You will need time to adjust to this change in the family dynamic. This time thing is needed to care for yourself. I've listed a few threads you can google that will help you with this direction. You only need to read the first post of each-

Beyondblue topic fortress of survival

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue topic in-laws the best approach

Repost anytime

TonyWK

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Shanna, your brother is only doing this to support his gratification with his GF because if he doesn't agree with what she says then all of this will be put on hold.

He may not necessarily agree with what she says but he's doing so to build up points with her, so if you can look at it this way then it's easier to ignore her/his comments.

Remember there could be a chance he finds someone else in the future that wants to help you and then so will your brother.

As Tony has said try and communicate with your brother when he is alone and tell him how disappointed you are feeling.

Take care.

Geoff.