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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Fth_arsha Feeling helpless
  • replies: 2

Hi, so my husband and I were planning to get divorce. Simply because I don’t work and have any income. We’re having a 4 months old baby. He said he’s not ready to have kid and asked me to do an abortion at 24 weeks. Which is crazy but I didn’t do it ... View more

Hi, so my husband and I were planning to get divorce. Simply because I don’t work and have any income. We’re having a 4 months old baby. He said he’s not ready to have kid and asked me to do an abortion at 24 weeks. Which is crazy but I didn’t do it and as a result he wants me to take care of the child alone. From feeding him, to bath him and I have to find jobs and babysitter all alone. I’m even doing all the house chores alone. All he does is go to work, get back home, get paid and call me lazy. Simply because I didn’t earn any money from doing all the house chores. I’m emotionally unstable right now because he keeps blaming me for everything. Literally everything. When he loses money on gambling, he blames me. When his money getting low because he kept spending it on shoes, shirts and whatsoever, he blames me. When I told him to save up for future he simply tells me that it was his money so he can do whatever the hell he wants. He even get physical towards me when arguing about me finding a job. I’ve been sending resume, rang a child care centre and still he have the audacity to call me lazy and not putting an effort. He doesn’t have the balls to bear his own responsibility and now he’s calling me the “lazy” one. He’s not ready to have kid but too lazy to wear a condom and rely too much on that one mini pill. I’m a first time mum and I don’t have any support system to help me with taking care of my baby. I felt like I want to give up. Every single day. I felt like doing self harm because that’s the only way I can cope with all this things going on right now.

JaneC76 What would you do?
  • replies: 3

I have a friend who has a chronic mental illness. Multiple psych admissions, unable to work for 10 years. She has this amazing husband but their 13 year old son claims they are in a domestic violence situation. He claims that when my friend is not lo... View more

I have a friend who has a chronic mental illness. Multiple psych admissions, unable to work for 10 years. She has this amazing husband but their 13 year old son claims they are in a domestic violence situation. He claims that when my friend is not looking her husband/father physically abuses him. My friend has never seen evidence of this. But she’s torn. She wants to believe her son but also knows any mention of it - with her mental illness- risks foster care. I have my own mental illness & my own family to deal with & I feel overwhelmed my how I can help her?

Guest_7535 Anxious About Intercourse
  • replies: 3

About 20 years ago I had a accident that left me with altered sensations during sex, when I spoke to my GP about it, it was dismissed as a good thing I could last longer, I felt emasculated, but got on with it and found ways to cope. Foreplay was imp... View more

About 20 years ago I had a accident that left me with altered sensations during sex, when I spoke to my GP about it, it was dismissed as a good thing I could last longer, I felt emasculated, but got on with it and found ways to cope. Foreplay was important as I've aged my libido has decreased my fear of pain has paralysed me sexually. I have used soft porn to help build up my ability but this doesn't work anymore. So basically I haven't had sex in 3 years.... this has hung heavy with my wife, I snuggle her in bed and even try to get intimate but I just cant... I love hugging her and being close, but she constantly questions my devotion and looks for signs I am unfaithful. Yesterday she found an intimate video on my laptop and has told me she doesn't want anything to do with me any more...I am totally devoted to her... and now I feel I have little left to live for. I am emasculated in pain unable to get a job and unable to make my wife happy... Last night I felt I needed to suicide....didn't want to but had to... I have sort help one response was a joke the other was you have a duty as a husband... I just don't know how to get the help I need. I need to overcome the fear of pain and the fear of disappointing my wife during sex.

Nelsum New daughter in law accuses me of having favourite grandchild
  • replies: 3

I am posting as i feel so alone, dumped and heart broken. My son married 3 weeks ago, my new daughter in law I have known over ten years with some ups and downs. Over the years i have provided financial assistance and help with the grandkids. Recentl... View more

I am posting as i feel so alone, dumped and heart broken. My son married 3 weeks ago, my new daughter in law I have known over ten years with some ups and downs. Over the years i have provided financial assistance and help with the grandkids. Recently the accusation of favourtism has surfaced from her, i will admit i have a stronger bond with one than the other. My son can see my side but probably feels obligated to back his wife. I am heart broken and scared i kniw im going into some type if depression and am scared this is a ploy to disconnect me from my son and the children. So lost.

B1B2 Pre teen triggering my own mental health issues
  • replies: 1

Having trouble with my pre teen at the moment. I have PMDD and have found the last 6 months to be the worst time in my life. My child has anxiety, is struggling to settle into high school - not making friends at all, is obsessed with gaming and we ar... View more

Having trouble with my pre teen at the moment. I have PMDD and have found the last 6 months to be the worst time in my life. My child has anxiety, is struggling to settle into high school - not making friends at all, is obsessed with gaming and we are investigating some learning difficulties at the moment. I am being used as a safe place for them to detonate and am often a verbal punching bag and I don’t think i can cope anymore. We have no support nearby to give us a break. Both my partner and I are at our whits end. We have psych, paediatrician and teachers on board but this feels like quicksand.. anyone else in similar position with any words of wisdom. It has really triggered me and I feel like I’m on a downhill slope with no way of stopping

Guest_7403 Don't want to see my children
  • replies: 9

Hey all, Long time forum user and poster here. Have PTSD from work and chronic fear of abandonment linked to it. My daughters are 9 and 5. Partner left Jan 2016 when my PTSD began...she came here from Scotland in 2009. When she left my daughters were... View more

Hey all, Long time forum user and poster here. Have PTSD from work and chronic fear of abandonment linked to it. My daughters are 9 and 5. Partner left Jan 2016 when my PTSD began...she came here from Scotland in 2009. When she left my daughters were 3yo and 3months... She asked to take them home to Scotland for 6 weeks just after leaving to see her family....said no problems no issue with that. When she came home, she asked if I'd allow her to move back to the UK to be with her family and raise the girls there. I was very sad, and unwell at the time...undiagnosed ptsd no treatment. I wasn't in a good headspace and said okay...I didn't want her to be alone here and unhappy. I guess I completely shut down and closed off....knowing I wouldn't be apart of my girls lives, stopped seeing them and conversing with their mother. As life happens, the exs plans changed and 6 months later decided not to go, and to make a life here. But something in me changed, I never rebonded with the girls...no matter how hard I tried or try....I've been in and out of their lives 5 years now...had them living with me 50/50 for all of 2019...but stopped that. I won't let them in my inner circle anymore, can't emotionally be with them. I try to force myself to see them...but the anxiety is crippling, it's very stressful....so I cancel last minute....or if I do have them or go to their mums to see them I feel uncomfortable and I can't wait to get out of there. They want to see me, I have an amazing relationship with their mum you could say we're friends and better now then when we were together. Communicate daily with their mum, not necessarily about the girls...just general chats.. Shes very supportive of me in general and makes the girls available to me anytime I want and encourages it. I love them, but won't let them get close to me. The FOA is so strong, it affects them, any partner i have, family and friends. I push them all away, and the harder they try to pull me back in the harder I push back. No psychologist has been able to help me...countless over the last few years. I don't know what to do. It affects me and it affects those beautiful girls...I question whether I should completely remove myself for their lives. My ex has a lovely partner, who is 10x the dad I could ever be...I am so grateful my girls have him as a role model...and that he treats my ex lovely. Thanks for reading

lantern22 My husband still wishes me Happy Anniversary after divorce 2018
  • replies: 8

I loved my husband immensely. Married for 20 years. He was my best friend. We went through a lot together, long - term infertility, losing our baby, health issues(me), losing his brother from balcony fall, losing his father(after nursing home fire) m... View more

I loved my husband immensely. Married for 20 years. He was my best friend. We went through a lot together, long - term infertility, losing our baby, health issues(me), losing his brother from balcony fall, losing his father(after nursing home fire) me taking care of mother with dementia, his siblings going to jail for serious crimes. He abandoned me, after my mother died. It came from no-where, and, looking back, it was clearly planned. He told me to go and get the washing from clothesline, while we were enjoying a lovely cup of coffee and Easter Chocolate cake. When I came back inside the house, he was gone! No note, nothing!All within five minutes. Long story - short, he was planning a trip overseas to meet a woman, he didn't really know; a woman who didn't speak a word of English. His life just spiralled out of control and he made it clear that he hated all of our life together. I was so shocked - all this coming from a man who would text me everyday to say how much he loved me and how he needed me in his life. I had supported him through some of the most painful times of his life - esp, death of brother and father. Ever since he has left me, he still sends me emails on our Wedding Anniversary and wishes me "US" a "happy Anniversary' i had heard he had married(I have never asked him, nor do I engage in conversation via email with him). I am always apprehensive, incase he fabricates some story about me to the police. I don't trust his behaviour. The other week would have been our 23rd Anniversary and I received an email wishing 'us' a happy anniversary with an apology about him leaving me and not doing things possibly the right way. I replied, telling him I had worked through forgiveness years ago and we did face a lot of grief together. In the email, he went on to tell me that he is dieting and lost significant amount of weight(he wasn't overweight) and how he doesn't eat for 20 hours and exercises in the dark in a park at 6.00am. I am sure he isn't mentally well. I am getting on with my life;, I guess I still do care about him in some way, but can't understand why he wants to keep this connection when he made it clear that he hated his whole life with me. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Firefly112 Lost intimacy in a relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi all, As the title goes, my relationship no longer has any intimacy. As a bit of a background, we're a straight couple in our early 30s, and have been together for coming up to two years. We took a while to get off the ground (my partner wasn't sur... View more

Hi all, As the title goes, my relationship no longer has any intimacy. As a bit of a background, we're a straight couple in our early 30s, and have been together for coming up to two years. We took a while to get off the ground (my partner wasn't sure about being in a serious relationship early on), but we have been in a committed, serious relationship for at least a year and a bit now. The pandemic (and subsequent lockdowns) meant we spent more time together, and late last year, we moved in together. We used to have a great sexual relationship, that he would actively be enthusiastic about, and was very attracted to me, and showed it. Since about November, it had become infrequent - going from having sex a few times a week, to once every week, then once every few weeks (and pretty much always initiated by me). This is because he was not wanting to (his reasoning being he was "tired from work", or "just exhausted and not feeling it"). Even then I felt dejected, and started putting on weight. I'm not very overweight, but the lack of intimacy, and subsequent weight gain, has skewed my self-esteem and self-worth. The last time we had any form of intimacy was in early April, and I'm finding myself more and more depressed, and hating my body more (I know it's a vicous cycle, but I feel so unattractive). My partner knows my thoughts on this, and how it makes me feel. I've tried talking with him about this numerous times, but it ends up going nowhere. Normally, we get along really well, and never argue or yell (though like everyone, we can disagree on things), but with this... we barely talk. I stopped trying to initiate sex, because it hurt being constantly rejected. I told him I'd wait til he was ready. It's now in a pattern where we see each other after work, hug, kiss, go do our own thing, maybe watch some TV together, then just go to bed. And it breaks me. I feel so unattractive and 'unsexy' to him. I know he loves me (and I love him), and I'm not saying there is zero affection in our relationship, but the drastic change in our sex life has broken me, and I feel like bringing it up again and again is useless. Can anyone relate, and have any helpful suggestions?

MissJ94 Managing Relationships
  • replies: 2

How does everyone cope with having no friends or partner? The only people who are really in my life are my 10 year old son and my mum. I do have a guy im dating but even that hasnt been so great. Its always one of us too busy that prevents us going o... View more

How does everyone cope with having no friends or partner? The only people who are really in my life are my 10 year old son and my mum. I do have a guy im dating but even that hasnt been so great. Its always one of us too busy that prevents us going out or seeing each other. I get along with people fairly well like at work or uni, i think, but forming those close friendships, i really struggle with it. I dont get to socialise with the other mums at my sons school because he needs to go to after school care all days so i can work/study. Plus 99% of those mums are older mums, like 30-50 years old. I had my son as a teenager so theres a huge gap. I would take up dancing again, ive always loved to dance! I just cant afford it right now. So any tips would be great!

Tommo_Hawk Recovery from emotional affairs
  • replies: 7

I'm seriously stuck. 2 years ago my wife started what I feel was an emotional affair with a close friend of hers. I found out, confronted her, we discussed it. I was told it was just "dumb shit" a mistake..., 3 months later found out it was still goi... View more

I'm seriously stuck. 2 years ago my wife started what I feel was an emotional affair with a close friend of hers. I found out, confronted her, we discussed it. I was told it was just "dumb shit" a mistake..., 3 months later found out it was still going - sexting, pictures, talking very negatively about me as a father and husband. Again i confronted my wife, i said i understand friends, couldn't care less if they are male female , from mars or are purple with 7 heads, what the issue was was a line had been crossed, i had been give reassurances that it was nothing and over when it wasn't. I ended up in therapy trying to see what I was told, couldn't do it as the evidence and experience was in direct conflict with what she was telling me, whilst this was happening i discovered more direct and explicit sexual chat. Excuses where "I'm not responding". I don't buy it as this stuff doesn't come out of nowhere. People don't start message with " to continue to tease" if nothing is going on. We are now in couple counselling, she still shares most of what we talk about with this "friend". I struggle to accept what she tells me, i feel very suspicious or vigilant and I don't want to be. I'm lost, we have daughter, i still love my wife but I can't shake a felling that she thinks this is just my problem to resolve. In short, the dark clouds are building, I'm shit out of steam. Lost, need help/advice.