Ex Jehovah’s Witness ?

[Gj1]

Hey guys my first post here😊

To start off with I want to say that I was born and raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and left the faith when I was able to move and support myself. Leaving and coming out to normal society has been pretty tough tho. I just feel like there’s a really distinctive loneliness of being an ex Witness that a lot of people won’t ever understand.

I’m wondering if there are any ex Jehovah’s Witnesses on these forums that have been able to sort of overcome those feelings and find happiness outside the organization.

Could really use some good stories that it does get better because at the moment it feels like I’m seeing the world from behind glass

[smallwolf]

Hi,

You are right about me not having close relationships like you would have. Part of that is my own making - working from home for too many years and you lose the skills of social interaction, and loneliness. So one of the things that I am working on with my psychologist is related to reintegrating with society as I put it. Another thing is how I view others and myself - like a broken plate fixed with gold. It is called kintsugi. It makes the plate more unique and in a sense the cracks and the gold become part of the story.

So in your struggle, perhaps think about the plate above, your story that makes you who you are, maybe the uniqueness of that story. You have a story worth telling, and then create some meaningful connections. Hopefully.

Tim

[rolled_oats]

Thanks for sharing Croix.

Sounds like you share a similar experience and the pain that comes with it.

Good to know though that you have managed to find replacement love through your new family etc.

I think I know what you mean, I will look to my new family as being my new purpose in life i think.

[rolled_oats]

that's a great analogy!

hopefully i start viewing the cracks as gold in my life, not as something to be ashamed of

it is a unique story, thank you

[ninjetta123]

Hi rolled oats,

I left a Pentecostal church over 10 years ago and still struggle "adapting" to life out of the church. The hardest thing for me is that my children are now adults and they still attend the church. They are encouraged to have little or no contact with me as I'm a "sinner, who is going to hell" in their eyes. I try not to have conflict with them but last week I sent a toxic email to my daughter and now I hate myself for it. I had some much pent up sadness and heartache and for some reason just "spewed" it all out in an email to her which of course has caused more damage. I am my own worst enemy and the last few days have been horrendous. Tears,self loathing etc.. this church I left is similar to the JWs in that we were never encouraged to have friends that didnt attend the revival fellowship,very strict rules which were told were "guidelines,not rules" but if you broke any of these guidelines you were thrown out and banished with immediate ex communication. I had been in this church for 30 years yet over night my family and friends cut me off. I have self medicated in the past with alcohol but realised it was only making things worse for me and my mental well being so now I take anti depressants which only help with my thoughts a little. Most times I punish myself by going over and over things in my mind all the time telling myself I'm a terrible Mother and how could I have spoken to my child the way I did. I realise it was pent up frustration but they certainly don't see it like that. I have spoken to friends and they have given advice such as moving on etc etc but it's just so difficult to quash my over active mind. I am starting a new job in a few weeks and I know that will help a lot. I just needed to vent a little and ask you guys for help. I have often visited Beyond Blue but never posted much. I think the encouragement and advice is always fantastic so now I'm asking for help too. Thank you in advance x

[smallwolf]

Hi ninjetta123,

It is OK to vent.

It had taken to me a long time to work out it is not good to hold our pain inside. So if writing here is helpful for you, please do so.

Your comment on guidelines (vs rules) reminded me of an assignment my daughter was doing. The subject matter was totally different, but the statement made was that guidelines are not enforceable, and thus somewhat useless. So your guidelines do sound a little like rules. 😞

I have (and sometimes still do) see myself as a bad person, and I hope you don't mind me saying this, but whether we are a sinner or not is between you and God. As far as myself is concerned, it is hard to separate ourselves from our younger selves, even though I logically I can say "its between God and me".

On the advice from your friends... there is no define time limit on how long it takes to get over something or more on. We are each individual and unique.

[rolled_oats]

Hi Ninjetta,

wow that's very similar to my experience! they cut you off in an instant without hesitation

so sorry to hear about your inner anguish and your situation with your children, that's so sad

this is a great place for support, even if it's just to share you stories and vent

[is_anon_cliche_]

Hello to everyone in this thread!

I was compelled to create an account just to respond to this post. I have been feeling very isolated recently regarding my experience as a disfellowshipped JW, and I'm seeking out others who share my experience.

My story: I was born into a JW family and had a very happy childhood growing up in the community. I had close friendships with other JW kids I knew from birth, and my circle of friends in the community only grew and grew. My whole life was there. Without going into too much of the details, I was disfellowshipped when I was 17, and my family (parents and my two younger siblings) moved us down the coast to a new congregation for a "fresh start". I slowly stopped attending meetings, and when I turned 18 my parents said I could no longer live in the family home if I wasn't serious about being reinstated. So, I've been out in the world on my own for 8 years.

I've built my life up from scratch since then. I'm in my final semester of a uni degree. I'm in a wonderful and supportive relationship of 6 years. I have new friends that are the closest thing I have to family now. I feel terribly guilty for feeling like these friendships aren't enough. Nothing compares to the closeness and community I experienced with the JWs, not to mention the feeling of safety. The world feels so unsafe and I am afraid anytime I let myself think about the things I was brought up to believe. I have lived with depression and anxiety since my mid-teens, when I started to question and break away from my upbringing. I also suspect I am living with C-PTSD since my disfellowshipping and the events surrounding it, but I have yet to explore this with a GP or therapist.

I would love to hear back from any of you. I need a connection with someone who understands.

[Intronaut]

G'day Clichė,

I was not myself disfellowshipped so I can't say I know how that feels, nor did my parents draw a hard line when I decided to leave the only life and community I knew. I have however lived with the distinct depression and anxiety that spawns from the JW conditioning we went through as youths in our formative years. You mentioned guilt, that's something else I'm all too familiar with. May I ask why you feel afraid when you think of the things we were brought up believing? What things are you afraid of specifically?

[Croix]

Dear All~

For those of you that have not read previously I was disinherited by my parents due to choice of fiancée. It is a huge break, you realise the love and security you took for granted as a child were not there, the protective boundaries religion put there (my father was a clergyman and the family both religious and socially very conscious) are no longer there either.

While I had someone to go to, my future wife, there was always lingering doubts of guilt, plus huge grief and loss - and fear for the future - and anger at betrayal.

Other people do fill life, and I guess in a way the relationship is slightly different -it is adult to adult in a real unpredictable world for a start. I can only speak for myself but as I became more self-reliant my fears diminished.

I did learn, my conduct as a parent has been so different from what I experienced and over time the fear, anger grief and all has become much less important as my life grew on and bigger.

I'm trying to say you grow, and as you do that separation rules less of you life. At least for me one can start to believe again in kindness and understanding (always had trouble with forgiveness though).

Croix

[smallwolf]

Hi everyone,

One theme I see repeated here is "the world is an unsafe place" and I would not disagree with here. Can I ask whether the unsafe place might be a loss a home? I know the one person I can call at ANY time would be by mum, so that would be sort of home. So when you get expelled, that loss is connection, and home makes you feel you are on your own in an unsafe world. So a question might be, what can we do to fill in that hole?

I can also relate to the comment...

feeling like these friendships aren't enough

... a friend might say they love me, but I am unable to feel it. It does mean they don't, I am unable to recoognise their friendship or love. My head can say 'Yes I know" but my heart says "I am not worthy" or something else to discount their words. And in an unsafe world, who can you safely talk to? Here is one place. It might not seem that way, but we are also real people that you have opened up to, and you have shared some of your story with. If there was only one thing I have picked up from listening to Brene Brown, it is that showing vulnerability is sign of courage.

I also have one question... can you elaborate on the "guilt" you feel? What are you thinking?

Tim

PS. Re the last question... while I am not a JW, my own religious upbringing made me feel that I was not good enough. Some even condemned me to hell. But these are things I am working through myself with professional help.