Indeed, I feel for your daily struggle.
Most days I feel like a bbq shape rolling around in a sack o' marbles.
I was brought up in the "truth" I would say. I remember having my first study from the "my book of bible stories" book (remember?, the big yellow one) when I was in kindergarten. I was forced into the theocratic ministry school when I was 12, i was never baptized and left on my own accord when I was 21. I forgot that it has been 14 years since I fled.
I left because I could no longer take the life long feeling of guilt and failure. From as early as primary school I felt that because I hated school, my parents were disappointed in me therefore God hated me and would wipe me out in Armageddon. In high school he still hated me because of my love for heavy metal music, violent video games and movies, but mostly because I hated the door to door work and going to meetings. In my late teens I was a nervous, anxious wreck of a boy with zero self esteem.
By some stroke of luck, I found a job working with some beautifully kind hearted people that helped me realise I was not worthless, wicked pile of slime, the job and the people gave me the confidence to leave the week of my 21st birthday.
The first 6 months of being out were great. I pierced things, tattooed other things, watched the Exorcist (not a good idea, lost a lot of sleep for that) grew my hair out finally, listened to some great music and generally went after the forbidden fruits. It wasn't until I entered into relationship with my first girlfriend that I realized I was a little..tainted.
Sorry for the life story, I hardly ever share let alone over share..
What is your story of exodus?
