Ended my relationship and I'm so heartbroken...

AIshel

A week ago I ended my 6+ year relationship. We were a blended family, with so many things against us from the beginning. External issues but also problems between the two of us.

While I know it's for the best, this hurts like nothing I've ever felt. I didn't cry when I ended my 13 year marriage years ago. But this? This is truly testing my strength and resilience. I've gone through so much in my life but my heart aches and I can't stop crying to the point I can't breathe.

I'm trying to stay strong but I often breakdown. I know it's still fresh but I've never ended a relationship where we both still love each other deeply. Sometimes love isn't enough and I'm a 47 year old thinking this might break me...

white knight

Hi, welcome

Sorry for the late reply. I do understand. I've had 4 long term relationships 7, 11,10 and now 15 years married to my 2nd wife. Those 3 others were as you say heartbreaking, so how did I survive? My 11 year 1st marriage we had two young children as well so that made the grief worse as I'd lost my full time fatherhood and our kids their full time dad. So you can imagine how bad the marriage was. But also the other two had love involved so yes, it was hard.

That grief was unimaginable for 8 weeks and I'd walk long distance through streets lost. Then one night I passed a real estate office and saw a block of land which I purchased. Two weeks after settlement I'd spent every day on the land clearing it and had a billy on boil. I realised, this land had distracted me, I was too tired and focussed on the house I was to build myself, to think about the losses. The power of distraction!

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety/td-p/275790

So, get yourself busy, really busy, visit friends, join a club or two, take up a hobby. Walk, run, gym... ? Gardening? A project?

So I began to erect my new kit home and the other spin off for me was to see my kids on weekends watching the progress of the build, playing hop scotch on the slab floor. Things turned around. Upon its completion my now ex wife reported the fact my house was new and she lived in a 100 year old house. She wanted more child support. I realised then that she was more vindictive than I knew. She didnt succeed. So over time you might realise that your break up was for a reason even basic incompatibility. What ever the reason moving forward is very hard emotionally so you need to cushion that grief and be kind to yourself.

I hope that helps, if you want to include more discussion please feel free.

BLACK AND WHITE SO BRIGHT

Stranded on a shore, dark and gloom

Miss my partner in our room

We argued and I fumed

Then swept it away with a "progress broom"

I step on stones to cross the lake

then ascended the hill that grief makes

Finally I'd come really far

To find the distraction door ajar

I climbed the stairs in the night

to reach the top the lighthouse light

From there I could see my future bright

My life of darkness is now of white....

TonyWK

AIshel

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. It's funny that you mention getting busy. My kids are young adults and have been encouraging me to do the same. So I've been going to the gym more often, organising catch ups with friends over the coming weeks and getting focused on my life goals.

Even just doing these things has made me realise how much of myself I lost during this relationship. Important lessons learnt and keeping my head up. I've had two bad days and two good days this week so I'm reminding myself that time will heal. While my heart aches, I'm becoming aware that I will be okay 🙏