So I have social anxiety, which I am managing with cbt and medication for my cranial sweating. My problem - and has been for a number of years is that I actually think that my husband is emotionally abusing me. For instance, today he told me that if I don't get a job by next week he didn't care what I did and that I should be licking the toilet owl. Then he lies straight to my face and said he didn't mean it literally. This is a cycle. Unfortunately our children are here when he says this and he convinces them it's all my fault and he's right.
His brother got out of jail after serving 5 years and child protective services are involved with us now due to the charges. He tried to convince dhs that his brother is innocent even after they repeatedly told him what he was charged with. The area manager for dhs came over and told him that he was intimidating and threatening and that he went from a 0 to 100 very quickly.
He has turned the kids against me. I have no friends for support. I'm actually thinking of disappearing from his life and the kids lives and the latter breaks my heart but I feel that I have no chance with them now.
I feel so lonely, isolated and broken. Please help.
I read your other thread and expect I see a different person to you. I see someone who has obtained two degrees and 4 job interviews - without an employment history. On top of that you have endured a pretty poor relationship for many years. Franky whatever you think of yourself all that takes strength and determination.
From what you say your husband is toxic. Blindly justifying his brother, failing to see the gravity of having CPS involved, failing to understand the problems you have to face, and undermining your relationships with your kids. Plus being verbally threatening and abusive.
Kids can turn around, and sometimes a person can gain coping skills and confidence. I'm not sure what you think. Is leaving the best way? Would perhaps things be different if you were employed with your own finances and external responsibilities?
I think Summer Rose suggested a possible half-way stage - volunteering. I can understand the difficulties with this due to your social anxiety however I'd feel the pressure might be less than a paid job (the people tend to be more appreciative) and may give you a new focus plus a sense of accomplishment. It also looks good on a CV. Some are lucky enough to start as a volunteer and end up employed (as an example I know of a museum where that's happened).
Please come back and say what you think
Thank you Croix for your encouraging words. I have spoken to my psych about my husband as well as relationships Australia who did confirm that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. There is no communication between us because he gets so angry and can't see reason and then I just shut down. If I don't talk to him for a while he tells me he loves me and then the cycle continues, he's ok with me for a few days and I get hopefull and then it starts. He also consults/ talks to his mother every single night about our family life. She is also a very controlling woman who thinks that sexual abusers are ok - her husband was one and her son is one. It makes me sick that she convinces my husband that it's ok and then when I tell him it's not he gets angry.
I truly believe that if I had a job all would be OK or at least I would be able to save some money and leave - but that's all hinging on employment atm.
I have registered with the local volunteering organisation and they have advised that they will get in contact with me.
I also went on another interview yesterday which I felt went well - so fingers crossed.
I do apologise as I feel that I am all over the place at the moment.
Thanks again and your response is very much appreciated.
Why on earth apologize, your posts are organized, talk clearly about your circumstances and are responsive. They are fine.
You also have a clear picture of your husband, something it can take others a very long time to find out -if at all. Getting your own view from RA was very sensible.
I'm pleased you registered with a volunteering organization, if I might make a suggestion go wild, volunteer for anything that strikes you fancy, from legal documentation to fish feeding. Don't forget citizen science. Then if you try something and it does not come up to expectations change. You have to be happy and fulfilled.
Please let us know how you get on