Drained due to having newborn and alcoholic husband 😔

[Zun]

We have a newborn, almost 10 weeks now. . He works in defence and works 5 days a week. He is provider of the family but only earning money and not fulfilling any other responsibilities at home being a new parent is killing me.
He sleeps in other room as he has to get up early for work. But I expect him to help me on weekends atleast so that I can get some sleep. But he is flat out with over drinking.
last weekend he went out for drinks with his friends again. Told he would be home by 11, but he wasn’t home untill 12:30. So I called him, his phone was switched off and he came home around 4 am. He came completely drunk and I asked him where he was, he told me he was having drinks with friends. I asked him whats wrong with phone. He told battery was dead, but when I put to charge it had half charge left. I thought there is something going on. So I check his phone thoroughly, I found brothel address in the google maps. I was completely shattered and devastated. Here I am looking after our newborn at home all by myself and I came to know all of these. He denied he went there. And I don’t have anything to prove it. But there is no way I can believe him any more. I just feel like leaving him and move out with my lil one.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Zen,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through.  Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through. It sounds like things a difficult within your relationship and there a lot of pressure and challengers at the moment. Our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We're sure that our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness. Given what you have posted, it might be an idea to also call for some further supports, which are listed below.
beyondblue Support Service – 1300 22 4636 or web chat or email available at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
Lifeline – 13 11 14 and https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-midnight (Syd time)
 
1800 RESPECT
 
 
Keep checking in to let us know how you’re going.
 

[Croix]

Dear Zun~

Welcome, I guess the first thing to say is I hope both you and the new baby are well . You are in a most unfair situation. In any reasonable relationships tasks are shared , there is trust, love and most importantly a desire to be with each other.

You have none of those, all the work looking after a newborn and the house, plus a drunken husband who in all quite possibly has gone to a brothel, and then lied about things.

You said "I just feel like leaving him and move out with my lil one. ", which is very understandable but can also be very difficult. Unless you have income, transport and a place to go it limits your options.

Is that your intention, or do you have some other way you want to try things?

Wherever you decide you will need help, first in the form of advice from those who are used to dealing with these situations, and then secondly actual help if you decide to move.

As abuse is more than just physical violence I suggest -as Sophie did, that 1800RESPECT is a good starting place. They will let you know what your options are.

Do you have family or anyone else to support you at the moment? Trying to cope with all this on your own is very hard.

If you decide you want to stay, at least for now, and improve the relationship then Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) would be somewhere that provides advice and councilors, and also an after-separation service if things do not work out.

The other places Sophie_M has suggested to are also excellent. Not being alone in this and talking with people that are used to such problems is a help as is the personal care of a family or friend if you happen to have one suitable.

There is of course another problem, your husband's use of alcohol and the fact he may have has sex with someone else. I would suggest it would be wise to investigate sexually transited diseases for your own sake and also read, as a start, beyond Blue's Page on Alcohol and Drugs, though without his cooperation improvement is not likely.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/drugs-alcohol-and-mental-health

plus our Support Secession as Sophie says. They are very helpful with all these matters.

Please come back and talk some more

Croix