Does the pain ever going to go away?

[TrueSeeker]

Hello,

I grew up in a narcissistic family and due to comfort zone ended in a short abusive marriage as well. My new partner grew up in similar environment and because his parents divorced and remarried more narcissists, we have to deal with three narcissistic families. We haven't really realised what is going on in our lives till recently when we did more research on what is going on in our lives and why we seem to be so unlucky.

Unfortunately, we had to cut all our ties with our families as it became very mentally challenging, had a very negative influence on our lives and we started feeling that it's becoming life threatening too as one of my partners brothers committed suicide 20 years ago.

I think we have done what we could to deal with the damage that has been done but I still have this pain inside me that keeps interfering with my happiness. It doesn't help that more pain still keeps coming from those families as they're not happy that we're distancing ourselves and still keep causing more harm.

I've lived with this pain most of my life and I'd love to hear whether anyone has a similar experience and some tips how to make the pain go away.

[indigo22]

Hi TrueSeeker,

I just thought I would have a look at your posts to get to know you a little better. Myself and ER will be able to relate to much of what you have written about in your posts. So feel free to talk with us in the other thread if you wish.

I too came from a dysfunctional family, most of whom did not appreciate me for who I was (only one brother did and I lost him at 14). Long story, but I now have only one sister who is a narcissist and has made life hard for everyone all her life. When I moved 10 years ago, I didn't give her or her children (she taught them well) any indication of where I was moving to. I have zero guilt about it, my mental health has plagued me all my life and she just made it much worse.

The way I see these things is that there is a lesson to be learned by all involved, not necessarily the same lesson for each person, but a group situation that allows everyone to learn their own lesson. As I see it, you and your partner have managed to learn your lessons, ie. realising that you deserve better and separating yourselves from those who have not learned their lesson. You have no reason to feel guilty, think of it as allowing them to learn their own lesson, and should that ever happen, perhaps there may be room for some interaction in the future. For now, just work on creating the life that makes you happy. Their happiness is not your responsibility, it is theirs, they would just rather you play their game because that is easier for them. I hope that makes sense.

Hope you are having a good day,

indigo