Disposable relationships

[High_Anxiety]

Hi there,

Just wondering if anyone else is seeing that relationships and marriage are a disposable item these days?

I have been searching the net as I'm potentially going through a break up of an 8 yo marriage and there seems to be a lot of stories and examples where when life gets a little too uncomfortable with someone you just end it like tossing them away.

Why is it that some people give up so easily on people that they are supposed to love? Where has commitment gone?

Yet some of the stories in this forum show that some people tolerate so much pain yet still won't let go!

[Juliet_84]

Hi brightstar,

I'm sorry to hear this. I too am back on the dating scene after leaving a problematic relationship of 11 years. Despite our problems, he was a committed and loyal partner and like you, I have found men who I date not to be of the same fabric. Everyone is so flippant, ever tiny thing is a "deal breaker", my only advice is that it isn't right until it is, some people are just naturally more committed and dependable than others, so don't get tied up with the time wasters lest one comes along. Good luck and keep going!

[Over-it-all]

Hello,
This post has struck a chord with me. I'm a 37 yr old guy experiencing this yet again. My 4th relationship now, each ending in the person leaving and breaking my heart for whatever their reasons. There's no 'through thick and thin' now. I've supported through thick and thin, with never a thought of bailing when it gets too hard, however, every girlfriend i've ever had has done exactly that. I'm not talking about cheating or anything like that, but things like supporting through a family/friends death, health problems etc.
Each time it gets so much harder to let someone back in for fear of the next time which at this stage, seems more like a matter of when, rather than if.

[Guest_1584]

Firstly just wanna add that the texting gf l talked about was someone l met 3yrs after my divorce and ex w. lt might've sounded confusing.

But you see juliet , you say your ex was a committed and loyal partner , but there then that wasn't enough and you left him anyway.

But now you say all the men you date are flippent.

you see , this is what we face today.

[white knight]

Hi overitall

I totally understand where you are at with, after 4 relationships there was no commitment.

After 3, all over 7 years duration, I decided no more.

But life can be lonely. Living with a committed partner helps us get through life.

So I switched mindsets.

Google

Topic: switching mindsets- beyondblue

Effectively doing the opposite of what my natural thinking decides to do.

Then, some positive thinking and away we go.

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

In my case I began to date a lady that was my ex brother in laws ex wife.

She asked me "so why have you asked me out"?

"Because until I die I will never give up searching for my soul mate, its my quest"

We married 12 months later and 6 years on its strong and well, as perfect as I could want.

We did have one tegular problem. Anger. Both of us were emotionally abused so we were extra sensitive and defensive. So we fixed this with a plan

Topic: relationship strife? The peace pipe- beyondblue

But you are right, some would have walked out the door.

My daughter met a guy on computer dating 7 years ago. They married this year. The beauty of such a system is that you can stipulate that you ate seeking a solid permanent relationship that will weather the hard times.

Cheers

TonyWK

[Juliet_84]

Randomx,

my ex-partner could also be abusive to me, and that is why I left. I put up with it for 11 long, hard years because I loved him and because of his good qualities but in the end I felt my hand was forced. In that instance, does that make me the person who considers it disposable for leaving or him for throwing it all away by treating a girl who loved him more than anything like that?

[Guest_1584]

Ahhright , what a shame juliet.

Here's to better things in the future eh.

Good luck.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that tony.

love hearing stories like that. and it so happens that l'm in a similar place you were right now and l've been wondering all about positive thinking and stuff.

Not only lately but l have always just wondered anyway, if it actually does anything.

l'll check out your threads too and thanks again mate.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Weird to Tony.

about what your wife said back when and never giving up.

Since l've been single , l must've heard or read or had it said to me 1000 times , she will never give up.

Women are weird like that l dunno how many l've heard that from even in women in their 50s , 2 or 3 marriages , still hellbent on finding their soulmate .

it's all over the date sites too.

Where as most of the guys have been sick of women by that stage and often the last thing they want is a soul mate or to get remarried and just don't wanna get involved , just out for some fun. Not all but many.

[Brightstar88]

Hi everyone,

I wrote on this forum in 20th Sep 2017. Its now 2020 and when i reread the post nothing has changed in my life. I am still single and still repeating the cycle. Im actually really shocked. I think im a good catch but i dont know why i still haven't found a boyfriend or someone to marry by now. Im 37 and single. Im running out of ideas. My anxiety around relationships is getting much worse now because i have been struggling with this for so long. I just want to love one person and they love me. Everyone else can do it. I dont know why i am struggling so much.

[Guest_3256]

Hello.

I totally understand how you feel, however, the truth is, all these people on hear are bigger and better people. We need to realise that, it's defiantly not us but them. We are fine, we are whole, we have a lot of love to give, we want commitment, we need trustworthy people, we need a partner who wants to grow with us, a partner to support us and someone to spend the rest of our lives with.

Reality: there are others who are not able to sustain themselves and reflect their own emotional and physically difficulties onto other. They are unable to cope due to their own self-worth, the see fit to explore other options only to try to fill a gap that they can only fill themselves. These people are unhealthy, unstable and in most cases may even be suffering from a mental health issue. We are not an option, we not fantasy, we a real human beings with feelings and emotions.

We not need to fall down to these people but to step up and take control away from abusive partners - who need to learn to take responsibility for their own actions and to not project them on to others. We need to focus on us and make ourselves the best possible person we can be. We are strong. We are great.