Depression and Relationship problems
I have suffered depression for more than 2 years . I am a highly sensitive person too and the issues my family (who live overseas) are having, make me feel sad all the time. This has made a huge impact on my relationship with my husband. We were having issues before but now I just feel that he should support me in this difficult part of my life but instead he continues to watch porn and be selfish. I have threatened him to leave before but he has promised me he will change but he doesn't. He is deep down a good man and I want to understand him thinking he doesn't do that in purpose but he hurts me, he hurts me very much when he watches porn and thinks about only him and is just with his phone all the time playing games and chatting.
I had an episode of anger this weekend and he called my dad because I said I was feeling very lonely. His intention was so my dad could tell me that he loved me and appreciate everything I do for them (I am my dad's moral support and I also helped them financially) but he also told my dad he had slept with prostitutes before and that I haven't forgive him. My dad said something to me after that it got me thinking .. that my husband is like a wolf on sheep's clothing. I kind of knew this but haven't had the strength to leave him .. because I love him
Now, with my depression I just feel this relationship is toxic and is giving me more grief and regrets than happiness... I can't trust him. I just don't have anyone to talk to, he is the only person I confide in.
We don't have any family in Australia and I don't have many close friends. I almost lost one of them the last time they tried to support me with this situation
I really feel the need today to talk with someone ... or to write so someone can read this
Thanks in advance for your insights
Hi Inner peace, welcome
Thanks for posting.
It wasn't right him contacting your father. You are married, you should sort out your own problems yourselves or with assistance by qualified people. I see that behavior as manipulative for control purposes.
You are an adult and equal to your husband. You can move out and start a new life. You might well love him but if you realise he doesn't love you back in a similar fashion then its likely terminal.
I went 11 years of my 11 year first marriage before I left her. It should have been much earlier but kids were involved. I learned a few things from that experience-
-that it seems impossible to leave but once you set up in another place you feel free
-that being used as an accessory is not being valued
- that she would never change.
Confirmation came in the form of her second husband when he approached me with the same issues years later. "That's why I left her" was my reply.
Your values are yours, if they are too far apart then consider the ramifications by not being brave and strong. Once you have made the decision and counseling was tried if you want that, then its time to swallow your pride and seek the man of your dreams. Anything else is a big compromise.
Hi white knight,
Thank you for your response and for sharing your story with your ex-wife specially the experiences you learned.
You mentioned something about values. Our values are very different, I thrive for transparency and honesty. I am far from perfect thought and need to control my anger and pride.
I have tried to be understanding and patient. He grow up in a dysfunctional family so to be honest I have always think that I could make him a better man> unfortunately during that process I am suffering and more now when I am going through this depression.
InnerPeace I'm sorry that your depression has being so bad, being away from family who are a support cannot be easy.
If your husband wanted to change he would seek help. It sounds as though he is just placating you and telling you what you want to hear but nothing is changing.
I agree with Tony that you are too valuable to accept the lack of respect he is showing you.