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Depression and Breakups

Community Member

Me and my ex got together 2 years ago. I was on a working holiday visa here at the time, worked part-time in a job I liked with a good group of people (all backpackers). I was fun, spontaneous and happy.

Then I got a new job, it was getting towards the end of my visa and I was stressing about having to leave the country and my girlfriend. My work then said they would sponsor me and I thought "great".

Work started stressing me out, it was a very demanding job and I don't handle stress well. There were A LOT of problems with my visa lasting 12 months (it initially got rejected), the friends I had all left, and it started making me depressed. I withdrew and lost the fun me I was, I was a misery to be around.

She tried to pick me up but it didn't work. We loved each other and talked about moving to NZ together. She was getting unhappy with things in her own life and my unhappiness added to that. We both hated confrontation so it all built up.

Then 8 months after all the problems started she broke up with me. Saying that we were both unhappy, she wasn't in love with me anymore and that we seemed more like best friends.

We split up for 2-3 months, it was tough, then one night she drunk texted that she missed me. Soon after that my visa got granted and we agreed to meet up to celebrate (she knew how much the visa meant to me), and unintentionally spent the night together. We agreed to hang out and see how it went and after a few weeks we started dating again.

Soon after that I got made redundant, which also affected my visa. The new friends I had had all left and it started the depression cycle again. I don't think I really got over it from before.

A couple of months after this happened she broke up with me via text (no call or face-to-face) to say that it felt too much like before, she wasn't in love with me anymore and saw me again as more a best friend.

I was going through a cancer scare at the time. She knew I was getting the results 2 days after she dumped me, and she still hasn't asked how it went. She said she was willing to meet up and talk about it all, but she never did.

This was a month ago and it's been 2 weeks since last contact.

It's her 40th birthday coming up I was thinking about sending her a gift and flowers (I brought it a while ago). I'm not expecting a response or get back together, but I know this birthday is a BIG deal for her and she's been stressing over it, and I'd like to still wish her well.

I don't know what to do?

6 Replies 6

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi there,

welcome to the forums. I'm glad you are here.

You have had so much going on, I can hear that, it makes sense you would feel down. It's nice that with all of that happening for you that you are still thinking of what is important for others. I'm not sure how you would go with your ex, I'd be worried that if it didn't go well you would feel worse. If there is some pride in remembering her birthday whatever the response, it could be worth it.

Whatever you do it could be worth doing some things for you that you enjoy.


Community Member

Thanks Rob!

I decided to take the plunge and go for the gift and flowers. I would feel guilty if I didn't and you only regret the thinks you don't do.

I know she has appreciated the gifts in the past I sent whilst we were broken up, so hopefully she will again.

Glad you decided to do that Dan, I hope she appreciates them this time too. Either way, no regrets.

Cheers Rob, I'll let you know how it goes!

So her birthday was yesterday. I knew she got the gift and flowers I sent, and I sent hare a "happy birthday" text. But I've had no reply. It's tearing me apart.


So I got a reply to the birthday text...

Thank you Dan, I had a really nice day with everyone.
Thank you soooo much for my gorgeous watch and beautiful flowers, it was really thoughtful of you and I really do appreciate it. I hope you're well.

Now 4 things are going through my mind:

1) Now she has replied I am no longer sitting around waiting for replies that might never come.

2) I don't know whether to respond. I love this girl dearly and eventually want her back in my life (if she feels the same).

3) If I do respond what do I say? I don't want to come across as too keen, needy or desperate.

4) Or do I stay NC?

Any advice?