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Depression Affecting Relationship

Community Member

My partner has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since before we starting dating 5 years ago. It can be difficult on occasions for me to know the right things to do to support her, especially if I feel upset as well.

Sometimes we argue, and she has often described me as being selfish and uncaring - but after a particularly bad fight recently we both came to the conclusion that my own mental health may have been suffering as a result of trying to regularly support her at my own expense.

Is this common? Though I'm sure I'm not alone, It's not easy to find resources for how depression affects partners.

It's also difficult because I want to look after myself, but I don't know how to support my partner at the same time.

14 Replies 14

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
I'm wondering if anyone has some advice for me. I've been married for almost 8 years. My husband has seen me through my most low times. I have bpd, depression and anxiety. I have attachment issues and have a major problem where lies and trust come in to play. He constantly gives me reasons to not trust him. He doesn't seem to understand that even though it may seem like not a huge deal to him it really affects me and I'm left feeling hurt. I just can't trust him at the moment. He constantly says one thing but does another. I can't deal with it. Is it possible to stay in a functional marriage even though I have trust issues

Scuse boo boo up there .

Meant to be something like l just think you've really gotta be careful of yourself in this, don't let it take you under too.

Hi Bp , don't think they have private email or pm here but man would l like to talk to you. You sound exactly like my gf in things your saying there, yet the harder l tried to show otherwise , the more distrusting and dissecting of every thing l did or word l spoke , she gets. l've been advised she's probably bpd but no way on earth would she ever get help . Of cause l dunno what the sitich is with your h nut l hear it right through your post there.

So please yeah , start your own thread so that not only can people help you out but you might be able to help some of us too.

Hi Bpdred,

I can only imagine how hard it is not to have a support when you are struggling. This site is a great source of support and help if you ask for it. I just want to say that sometimes is hard to be supportive when ask for some feedback from your partner you get "I'm fine, truly" and all your senses are screaming that that is not complete truth.

I also understand that people with depression sometimes can't name the feeling they are feeling and it is hard to just let go and watch them sitting in that stillness, soulnesses.. because we love them, because we know that there is so much more of life than that. Sometimes I HAVE to let it go, otherwise it would drive me crazy and stuff my energy completely. I also learned not to judge my partner for not doing much in the house, just accept what it is and try to do as much as I can, until she "wakes up"... hopefully soon...

All the best Bp

Kind regards,

Community Member

Hi Need some advice about my partner/ex partner. We have been dating off and on for 3 years when I first met him I knew he didn’t have a good past we got in contact a year later and started to date everything was great got a house together then he told me he didn’t have the right love for me and he needs to break up to work on himself and it wasn’t me. We separated I moved on. I thought he seemed depressed but his answer was I can do it by myself. one night he rang me upset telling me has made a big mistake he can’t let me walk out of his life like this and he was truely in love with me and wanted me back. He promised me everything was different this time and it would never happen again because he was certain! In time we both wanted our own home we got a house together again he took me on a surprise holiday brought me a promise ring and spoke about wedding everything was great come home and we both went back to work. When he got home from work everything was different he acted different he was quiet wanted to go do things by himself and kept telling me he was fine just tired and work has gotten to him so I took his word. while he was at work one night I messaged him because I knew in my gut it wasn’t okay. He finally spoke to me and told me he feels like we aren’t right it’s only him because I’m amazing and it’s nothing to do with our relationship it’s just him. I told him he needed to talk to someone because he can’t just change his feelings over night. He went to a councillor. They told him he isn’t over his past and it’s best for him to break up with me and have time to himself. he told me he couldn’t be with me anymore because he just needed time to himself to sort everything out. He is very angry told me he doesn’t know who he is anymore and he is so sorry and doesn’t want to do this to me because he loves me and wants me in his life but can’t sort himself out if I’m still around. He Cried to me in pain telling me he hates the person he has become and he doesn’t understand what’s going on with him. He is now at a friends because he thinks he can’t sort himself out when he is around me or talking to me. I don’t know what to do I don’t know if I’m meant to stick around and support him or walk away??I’ve made him go to the doctors I keep thinking why come back to me wanting me back for all this to happen again is this a depression thing or am I just hoping it is so he will be okay and we will be in a happy relationship again? Please help I’m hurting!