Hi, welcome
I understand fully. We rely on lived experience here so I'll begin with that first.
My wife and I have, due to our own sensitivities of manipulation, narcissism, triangulation, demonising etc broken off relationships a lot until now we only have genuine wonderful people in our lives. eg
We followed a couple on a round Australia trip. We agreed for safety we'd follow each other at 95kph maximum. They went faster and left us. We broke down, no reception. Eventually made it back to a town and got the car fixed then travelled 1600km to catch up to them. Turned out they had held a grudge from 6 week previous without showing it. To abandon us in the outback was unacceptable. We cut ties. The female wrote to us 2 years later not to apologise but to rekindle the group of us- we refused.
So values when so different should be assessed and cutting ties isnt a crime and often is the better way forward.
Cutting ties also, if done right, takes some time to get over but I'd suggest that revenge or the temptation to have conflict isnt worthy of your time especially when you conclude he is toxic and not worthy of him being in your life. If he's narcissistic or similar controlling personality then he'll feed off your explosion of anger and use that as justification to boast about it. It isnt easy doing the opposite, walk away from him and move on but it is the best method. You'll need to categorise him as say "egotistical, toxic, cruel etc" This judgment is justified, it isnt arrogance.
The fact that your friendship with Em of 20 years will end is consequential and unavoidable. You simply cant tolerate toxic treatment from her partner to keep a friendship alive.
I hope you got something out of my reply and you can reply anytime, I'm here daily.
"To walk away from any type of abuse without fanfare is to nullify their calculations. For you, they no longer matter and that alone makes them powerless..."
TonyWK
