I don't know what to do about it

[Iamsky]

Hi everyone,

I'm 12, in highschool and autistic. Same with my friend group. Yesterday two of my friends (Jacob and tanner) were fighting so I send them a long message and then left all group chats with them. This is the message: "And then you realise your lonely and Jacob was one of the only friends you had and regret it and become friends again. And then a month later you fight and this goes on forever and I always get caught in the middle as the therapist because I want to keep friends through high school and I fix your friendship with Jacob so often I'm ready to add it to my Callender to fix it. It honestly adds more to the weight I carry, trying to find a personality that everyone likes so that I can have friends and yk not be lonely and follow my high school plan that I made during the summer Hollidays this year. I am honestly getting tired of your stuff and I am honestly I am losing my give a stuffs and becoming someone I like but others don't know. Frick I don't even know what I like about myself anymore and honestly? I don't even know if anyone likes me so I'm always trying to read facial expressions but that's hard because I can't read people as easy as I read a book. So honestly? I might change everything about myself to be what I'm expected to be even though it'll depress me even more. You guys are best friends for 3 weeks and then it's a fight where you both come to me for advice and I honestly DONT GIVE A FRICKING STUFF ANYMORE." One of my other friends (still in primary school, doesn't know Jacob and tanner) replied with this when I sent her what I sent Jacob and tanner "Holy stuff, I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself if it was that bad and you've been botteling it up for that long then it's time you snapped. You did the right thing"

I'm sorry for wasting your time on my stupid friendship drama but I just needed to get this out.

Sorry

-Sky

[white knight]

Hi Sky,

I do truly understand where you are at. It can be frustrating to listen to two or more people disagreeing ongoing.

What can be risky also is involving yourself to the point whereby it can become a 3 way disagreement. Why risky? Well I experienced it in school myself- two people disliking each other every day words would be exchanged between them. Then I'd be whats called the "good Samaritan" and involve myself in a variety of ways hoping to become the person that ends their dislikes but what happened? Well, those two ended up best friends and turned on me. They accused me of interfering. Why did that happen? Because no matter how hard I tried my words had to include some sort of criticism of each of them eg "you Billy are too sensitive and you Brad are too confronting"  

So the best attitude to take is to sit back and wait for them individually to approach you for advice and when they do tell them the good points about that other person they dislike eg "well Billy, Brad is kind to animals and to his friends, he's a very loyal person, maybe you can focus on his good points"?  And "Well Brad, Billy is sensitive but he is a loyal person, try to see those qualities in him".

That way you are loyal to both people and you are not harming anyone.

That makes you a terrific person to be friends with

TonyWK

[Iamsky]

Thanks for this response. Unfortunately I can't avoid them because they're in all my classes and we all have autism and sit in the same spots, which are near each other because Jacob and tanner are normally best friends. Being the only girl in my friend group with 3 boys, I've had to grow accustomed to the new behaviours, especially after countless toxic relationships with girls.

And I am glad to know I'm not the only one who has/is stuck in the middle

-Sky